Why doesn’t she name the abuser if the things she’s saying are true? Is that so she can claim to not have torpedoed his career because she didn’t name Chris Hardwick specifically?
I don’t know. In her words, she was writing this essay more as a way to help other young women recognize the warning signs of emotional abuse rather than it being an accusatory piece.
Nevertheless, the fact that other people sussed out what she chose to not make explicit is also not her fault.
Her actions seem to match her own explanation.
How about its true, but she knew what she was getting into. What next, sympathy for Trump voters?
It seems like we are on the verge of infantilizing women by saying they aren’t responsible for their own decisions.
How? It’s about holding him accountable for his actions.
The better way to hold him accountable was to say buh bye the first time he acted like an asshole. Maybe he’d learn that if you treat people like shit they don’t want to be around you.
That would be an excellent point if he were the one claiming to be the victim.
Right because abusers do it because they don’t know better.
Christ, I’ll say it again. This thread a primer on how to re-victimize women survivors of abuse.
Yep, this is exactly how badly behaved men have kept their positions of power in the industry all these years. She would have left him but AMC would never have been shamed into cancelling his show.
The lesson has to be that treating the people around you like shit can hurt your reputation and your career, not just get you dumped by one girlfriend.
There’s no good reason why Chris Hardwick should be able to expect that the public won’t find out about behavior like this.
What’s most important here is that we imply or directly accuse that a woman who did nothing more than tell a story, with no reason to believe she’s being untruthful, is being dishonest. Or even if she’s being honest, she still should shut up because speaking out about her experiences in the way she chose is evil. Well done to all the Dopers who are helping to contribute to an atmosphere in society in which victims and survivors are less likely to come forward and tell their story. Good job, guys! A+ in contributing to societal misogyny!
I think it’s mysogyny to treat women like hothouse flowers that need to be protected from making bad choices. From her own words, it’s clear that she knew he was an asshole from the start. He was not Harvey Weinstein who had trememdous influence in the industry or Cosby who drugged women. He is just an asshole. The world is full of them, some of them are even women.
She is a grownup, she chose to pursue the relationship, and then one day she had enough and left.
If it’s true that he blackballed her career, then he should be held accountable for that. But labeling him as an abuser is a bit much. The first time he gave her “rules” she could have, and should have, said “fuck you” and left.
He wasn’t her boss when they got together. He didn’t have any control over her.
By all means focus on the important things – the imperfections of the woman who did nothing more than speak about her experiences – rather than a society which nitpicks and criticizes victims and survivors rather than recognizing all the ways in which it makes it harder and less welcoming for them to come forward. By all means focus on her imperfections over the distressing frequency of relatively powerful men abusing less powerful women, usually with no consequences.
You’re overstating your case. This is not about all society. This is about one woman and one man, both consenting adults, with different views of their past relationship. Stop trying to make it about something else.
The issue of sexual assault and harassment is certainly about society. And attacking victims and survivors for doing nothing more than telling their story is par for the course for society. I’m calling it out because it’s a part of our society that needs to get better.
That may be YOUR issue, but it’s not THIS issue in a specific he said/she said scenario. You side with the accuser because you choose to side with the accuser, not because of the facts of the story. And these facts have yet to be verified. You believe her because you WANT to believe her, whether or not she’s telling the truth.
I’m not siding with anyone – I’m refusing to side against the accuser, and I’m calling out those who do. I’m saying that it’s wrong to criticize women for doing nothing more than come out and tell their story, not unless there are very solid reasons to believe they’re being dishonest. Without such solid reasons, it’s wrong and harmful to society to even imply that she might not be honest. So stop harming society, even if it’s just a little bit at a time, and stop criticizing someone for doing nothing more than telling their story.
That says nothing about what you believe, or what I believe. Believe anything you want. I’m criticizing actions, not beliefs – the actions of casting aspersions on a woman for doing nothing more than speaking out about her experiences.
So, this is the host of Singled Out (I’m in my late 30s, surely I can’t be one of the “old” folks here). Was his “abuse” more than setting boundaries and expecting his significant other not to cheat? I’m not saying that’s all it was, but there a lot of people who expect all of the benefits of a relationship without following any of the “rules” and revising past “controlling” behavior (which I’m not saying is right or healthy) into abuse.
Yes, and…? The issue I raised was of hypocrisy, not *just *working with Deen. If either of those were also publishing “#METOO” articles, you’d have a point.
Not that Hatch could, any more.
The issue isn’t why Deen still gets work, the issue is why Dykstra actively defended him with him when,* by her own admission*, the inner workings of an abusive relationship aren’t always visible to anyone outside that relationship. And also, by her own admission, she isn’t the greatest judge of abusive men.
There’s an article linked in the OP, I suggest you read it before commenting further.
While I think it’s fine to point out that she was wrong to do so, that she made such a mistake doesn’t make me any less sympathetic to her. Considering the patriarchal/rape-culture hammering that society, especially entertainment/Hollywood society, puts on very young women, I find it tough being harshly critical of her for failing to overcome it while in her 20s.
I’d be more sympathetic if she *now *acknowledges that mistake, but she hasn’t.