Whew! It’s a good thing that you didn’t ask for the ingredients, because he won’t give them up. However, what Zenster’s secret dry rub recipe is simple to answer - wonderful. But here’s a quick rundown of directions:
Here’s the update:
I was debating whether or not to put each of these in a separate post but that probably wouldn’t be fair to fenris.
Some of these are what I’ve heard small children call their equipment.
::rubs hands gleefully::
Ah yes, I see that the the peanut butter is 1/5 gone, and my little pets are leaping to get to the bottom of the cage.
More than half the questions have been answered correctly. You are well on your way to saving Fenris.
But, I see that you have so far only attempted the easy questions.
You’ll never save him in time.
First Fenris, next global currency domination, then a nap and maybe a burrito, and then The World!
Bwahaahahahahahahaaha!
Thinksnow:
I know flensed isn’t the proper term. I’m being poetic, and if you consider that the water is “boiling” with piranha and eels, you’ll agree that the term adds dastardly connotations.
I’m with ** Scylla . I don’t care much for wolves myself…
** Scylla had you informed me eralier, I could’ve gotten some great Arakeen Sandworms to get rid of him…
Like sands through the hour glass, so goes the days of our lives.
4. What color is Tubadiva’s hair?
She’s a saucy redhead!
based on this, here are 26:
1 - mutton dagger
2 - old blind bob
3 - hanging johnny
4 - fishing rod
5 - tallywhacker
6 - pocket rocket
7 - one eyed trouser trout
8 - ding dong
9 - ankle spanker
10 - pork sword
11 - engine cranker
12 - hairy hot dog
13 - davey crocket
14 - wang
15 - wazoo
16 - weinie
17 - whacker
18 - pecker
19 - peepee
20 - kidney cracker
21 - heat seeking moisture missle
22 - giggle stick
23 - love whistle
24 - tube snake
25 - uncle dick
26 - purple helmet warrior
in defense of my dear Fenris and of the board itself, I feel I must protest your question #1. We are about to embark on a SBMD-less weekend in order to Save Our Server, and yet you attempt to blackmail the TM’s into brutalizing the search engine in order to save Fenris [sub][sup](not that he isn’t worth it ya understand)[/sub][/sup]. the last person who embarked on a BIGASS search got yelled at by Tuba you understand.
So when Fenris views this thread or makes a post to help save his LIFE, he’s ALSO contributing to his own DEATH! …that is SPECTACULARLY EVIL!!
So what happens after?
I mean, what happens after Fenris is devoured by pirhanas & eels (oh come on, people, you know this thread will reach 100 posts. We’re just that way around here)? What are we supposed to do, just sit around here all Fenrisless & stuff? That’ll be kinda boring.
Couldn’t you just give him a wedgie or something?
Eh, I just did a search and it took all of about 10 seconds to give me the results. Can’t imagine the admins would be too upset about that. I think doing Subject Line only searches is far less taxing on the server because it’s not searching every word in every reply in every post in the entire forum. Now, copying and pasting and coding all the URLs to this reply - that took some time, but I’m donating it for free for the cause. 
Here’s the answer to question #1… (Caveat - I did not include threads that were non-specific, like, “Ask me anything” or the “Don’t ask me anything” threads, because those don’t really fit the “category” IMHO.)
[list=1]
[li]aSK THE DRUNK GUY![/li][li]Ask The Supreme Leader[/li][li]ask the Californian teen[/li][li]What the hell…Ask the Lesbian…[/li][li]Ask An Elf on Summer Vacation[/li][li]Yet another… Ask the Young Teen Boy![/li][li]Ask Bi Guy, (or ‘Cheffie takes one more step out of the closet’)[/li][li]Ask Dr. aha, sex therapist[/li][li]Ask the Pseudo-Norwegian Chick[/li][li]Ask the Swedish chick[/li][li]Ask the Call Center Computer Tech![/li][li]Ask the Grammar Harpy[/li][li]Ask the Turing Test[/li][li]Ask the Apathetic Guy[/li][li]Ask the Guys who are in Love with Techchick[/li][li]Ask Another English Bloke (reprise)[/li][li]Just Ask Slutboy - Academy for Debauchery[/li][li]Ask the Evil Overlord[/li][li]Ask the hand[/li][li]Ask the Spiritual Advisor![/li][li]Ask the Brit bloke[/li][li]Ask the Geography Maven[/li][li]Mate, ask the Aussie (it was inevitable)[/li][li]Ask the aging rock star[/li][li]Ask the Culinary School Student![/li][li]Ask the future bloodsucker! Or, an open letter to MaxTorque.[/li][li]Ask The Barista… (Coffee girl, to you)[/li][li]Ask The Dead Chipmunk[/li][li]Ask the Kiwi bloke[/li][li]Ask the artist[/li][li]Ask the Putz![/li][li]Ask the Canadian, eh?[/li][li]Ask the non-committal guy![/li][li]Ask the weatherman![/li][li]Ask the troll buster.[/li][li]Ask the Sarcastic Guy[/li][li]Ask the former stripper/current housewife( and mother)/raving bitch.[/li][li]Ask the guy who doesn’t believe in the Bermuda Triangle.[/li][li]Ask the retired Air Force guy (I may as well jump on the bandwagon!)[/li][li]Ask the guy with no area of expertise[/li][li]Ask the guy who hijacks other people’s ‘‘Ask the (fill in the blank)’’ threads[/li][li]Ask The Intergalactic Muffin[/li][li]ask the nudist.[/li][li]Ask the British History Geek[/li][li]Ask That Hindenburg Announcer Guy[/li][li]Ask the Pro Wrestler![/li][li]Ask the Misanthrope[/li][li]Ask the medieval re-enactor…[/li][li]Ask the Medical Student![/li][li]Ask a mad bomber[/li][li]Ask the Irish Bloke[/li][li]Ask the Felcher[/li][li]Ask the kid who doesn’t know much of anything[/li][li]Ask the modeler/projectionist[/li][li]Ask The Magic 8-Ball[/li][li]Ask the Hired Killer![/li][li]Ask the Gator guy[/li][li]Ask the (not quite) starving Opera Singer![/li][li]Ask the belly dancer![/li][li]Ask the doctor of Love[/li][li]Ask Dr. Love[/li][li]Ask the hermaphroditic wookiee molester![/li][li]Ask the Psychotropic drug guy?[/li][li]Ask the attention starved sycophant![/li][li]Ask the Gay Guy IV![/li][li]Ask the Nihilistic Anarchist with unpopular ideas about the world[/li][li]Ask the Black Guy[/li][li]Ask the American Teen[/li][li]Ask the Neo-Pagan Guy[/li][li]Ask the Transgendered Person[/li][li](Might as well) Ask the Blaquneese guy!![/li][li]Ask the closeted bisexual guy![/li][li]Ask the straight, white, married, employed guy[/li][li]Ask the Gay Guy III![/li][li]Ask the Recreational Drug User![/li][li]Ask the Disorganized Theist![/li][li]Ask the Gay Guy II![/li][li]Ask the Islamic guys[/li][li]Ask the Mormon Gal![/li][li]Ask the Libertarian Objectivist Christian[/li][li]Ask the Commie Bastard![/li][li]Ask the teenager![/li][li]Ask the guy with poorly constructed answers and lame attempts at humor![/li][li]Ask the guy who will never open this thread![/li][li]Ask The Ambiguous Guy. Or Don’t.[/li][li]Ask the Gay Guy![/li][li]Ask the KM2[/li][li]Ask the drunk guy[/li][li]Ask the Gator guy[/li][li]Ask the white, male, upper middle class, somewhat conservative, taxpayer[/li][li]Ask the “straight” guy[/li][li]Ask the heterosexual virgin![/li][li]Ask the rape survivor[/li][li]Ask a white, twentysomething, corporate professional guy…[/li][li]Ask the fairly average British bloke*[/li][li]Ask the Paralyzed Guy[/li][li]Ask the guy who’s getting kinda bored of all these “Ask the __________Guy” Threads.[/li][li]Ask The Teenager II ![/li][li]Ask a Gamer[/li][li]Ask the WI guy![/li][li]Ask the Grammar Gurus[/li][/list=1]
Now aren’t all you new posters glad you weren’t around for this phase of the boards? 
Jeg elsker dig, Thomas
Ok, Dr. Scyl LaChoo, you vile fiend, the first flaw in your questions might have been a part of your plan, but even you don’t expect our fellow Dopers to believe that a second flaw was also part of your evil plot?
In question 15 you ask: in the Parody Bored of the Rings what did the Nazgul ride?
There were no Nazgul in Bored of the Rings!
Once I point this out on the computer you so “kindly” provided it replies:
“But. If. There. Is. No. Answer. To. This. Question. Then. You. Have. Answered. Correctly. But. If. There. Is. No Answer. You. Cannot. Have. Answered. Correctly.”
It promptly explodes, like computers always did on Star Trek.
The force of the explosion destroys my cage and I leap to freedom, where Mrs wring (in black leather) of course, hands me my bowler hat and umbrella. We stroll out as the kitty eats the mice and the groundhogs are fed to the fish and the eels. The Koala takes a hang-glider and escapes to freedom.
As I leave, I press the button labled “For Chrissake DON’T push me or the whole freakin’ island’ll go up like a roman candle!”
Once again I make my escape with any number of Doper-Babes (wring, Shayna and all the other Doper-Babes who’ve helped me out) and we escape in a sea-plane. As the low rumble and plumes of smoke behind us warn us of your island hideout’s imminant explosion. We all turn and watch the Doper-Guys who’ve helped out in the thread escape in your private speedboat filled with your entire stock of beer.
As both plane and boat leave, the island explodes again with another earth-shattering Ka-Boom!
Same ending, on the train.
But, just in case, I’ll point out that in “Bored of the Rings”, the Nozdrul rode pigs.
Bond, Fenris Bond
Scylla, I think you’ve overlooked the fact that such a quantity of peanut butter is probably going to have some interesting gastrointestinal lubricating effects on the mammals eating it. They’re going to be taking unexpected breaks to run off to hide in little corners while doing a smelly unpleasant business…
It’s National Koala Day today.
Think of the koala, people!
Hmmm…I can see it now:
Fenris: You’ve made your point, Scylla, but do you expect me to talk?
Scylla: No, Mr. Fenris, I expect you to die.
My dear Fenris:
You are wasting your time trying to find flaws in my questions.
Why would the fact that the question is arguably phrased poorly cause it to blow up (it’s not an Apple?)
All the computer cares about is the correct answer. For question 15, the computer is looking for the answer “pigs.”
You have answered it correctly. There is no problem. You’re still stuck in the cage.
Lest you seek to continue on in this vein let me remind you that the computer blowing up does not necessarily mean that the door to the cage swings open.
The most likely outcome of screwing with the computer’s programming is that you break it and the door doesn’t open, no matter what.
I will tell you out of simple kindness, that if you are trying to cheat my dastardly plan byy arguing about the content of the questions, you will surely fail.
My trap is complex, and if you seek to escape without answering the questions you may wish to concentrate your efforts elsewhere.
For example, notice that I am not standing anywhere near the edge of the pool.
Besides, It appears that people somehow actually like you, (misguided Baboons that they are. They should be down on their knees worshipping me!)
Finally Fenris, let me warn you that if you do escape from the cage by cheating the questions, I will simply throw somebody else in there to take your place.
What makes you so sure they will run off to corners to do their business? Being so fond of peanut butter, the greedy little so-and-so’s may well stay just where they’re at–thus replacing the weight reduced by their eating with the weight of their. . .um . . .how to put this delicately? . . .end product. *Fenris is therefore not in any life threatening danger, although I imagine he’s awfully bored in that cage.
Ah, I can just see Scylla now, reclining in the Chair of Ultimate Power, contemplating his immense evil empire…
ooops, soory Fenris. How’s the peanut butter level?
Mmmm…peanut butter…drools
Oh Scylla, you’ver reminded me of a terribly funny inside joke.
“I love you”
“Yeah, I know, I know, but I want you to get down on your knees and tell me you love me!”
I’m sure that’s not what you meant though…