The Dueling Thread

Your very existence offends my sensibilities, you lily livered coward and son of a whore. I’ve been rubbing the likes of you off the bottom of my shoe while you were still puking on the fetid milk from your mother’s saggy teat. While you surely don’t merit the consideration, I’ve decided to do the world a service and put you in your place.

My honor is unassailable, and I demand satisfaction. Come forth and recieve your just deserts!

::draws a line::

Cross that if you are not a coward.

Bah! You are not man enough to face me! Go and fetch your milk cow, it would be more of an honor to face that pathetic beast in combat than to cross blades with a vermin such as you! If only insects could grip a blade might I find some combatant more worthy than what I see before me!.

-Strides across line. Removes glove and delives a sharp slap. -

I accept your challenge cowardly dog. I can only hope that no one stumbles across me giving such an honor to the likes of you. I choose rapier as the weapons. Do try to remember which way the pointy end is suppose to face. This is embarassing enough for me without you going and slaying yourself before the duel is even underway!

All this over me??? :smiley:


Although all who know me are aware that I am a gentle soul, a delicate flower of masculinity, who’s lips have never once uttered a harsh word, I find myself offended by your use of the word “fetid”.

Therefore, I step across the line and deliver a stinging slap to your cheek with a dueling glove, which I then cast at your feet. My choice of weapons, sir, is

The Pun.

A judge, mutually agreed upon, will give us a topic. We, in turn, will alternate making puns on the topic until one of us can’t continue.

He who fails to pun first shall be deemed the duel’s loser.

Good day, sir.


Mnementh draws his broadsword and steps over the line

You wanna piece of me? I’ll give you a piece of me!

(So I cant do the old-style talkin’. Sue me. I’m still deadly with my broadsword, baby.)

<lip curling in a sneer>

Do you think your pathetic display will frighten me, you anemic pratling? It would behoove you to move on, before I teach you what it really means to taste steel. Go, before I run you through with a blade of Toledo steel!

When puns become weapons, we’re all losers.

I was hoping for a worthy challenge.


your pathetic posturings are those of an amorous ant climbing up a cow’s leg all the while assuring her you shall be gentle.

Usually I eschew such an effete and whimsical weapon as the flimsy rapier, but I shall be glad to pierce your rotten hide with whatever tool leaps to hand.

Prepare to face me Cur!

We shall do battle outside the barracks. I will meet you there shortly. You will recognize me as I shall wear red. The color of the blood that I will draw from your cowardly hide you pathetic baboon!


Fool! you have but 2-3 threadspottings, while I have 10. You dare to face me? Best you crawl back to the diseased hole from which you crawled like the half-drowned rat you so resemble before you are hurt, Whelp!

Lest you have the courage to continue, I accept your terms. I propose Jarbabyj to provide the topic, or Magdalene whoever posts first. Do you agree, you pussiliminous posturing posure of a pathetic pustule of a punster?


Very well, and I shall speak in small words, so that you can comprehend. We shall do battle outside the barracks. I will meet you there shortly. Where red so that I can recognize you. Do not speak, as we have nothing to say. Simply leap into battle. You are not worthy of the noble broadsword, and I do not wish to sully my reputation by dispatching you with one. You may use your broadsword. You will recognize me by the rapier I carry!

::Mustn’t post to silly Pit threads. Mustn’t post to silly Pit threads. Aw, screw it. Wait, this is the Pit. Aw, fuck it.::

[Charleton Heston]
You can have my pun when you pry it from my cold dead hand.
[/Charleton Heston]

If you two rakes have agreed, I propose the topic of “Gardening Implements” for your battle.

Hah, I take the resident hoe’s topic and bury Fenris with it!

Hah, I win! You have been hosed, dear Fenris! You’ll never dig your way out of this! Fortunately I’ve cultivated a strong wit! I have mowed you down before you had a chance!

One reaps what one sows, and I have planted wolf. Thy ego hast been pruned back, you sod!

::noticing Joseph Finn::

I don’t care whether you picked that butter knife in Ohio or not, knave. Sheathe it and walk away afor I place it where it will inconvenience thy fundament!

You fight like a dairy farmer

::Silo crosses the line::

Wait a minute!! I just stepped into Canada!?!?!?


Tis a deal! I shall accept your more than gracious challenge at a duel. The only thing you managed to defeat was 100,000 other sperm. Thus I shall destroy you, then your meager existance will reside in it’s place. Thou flax-wench-fat-kidneyed-gut-griping-ill-breading-half-faced-codfish! I would much prefer to Guillotine off yer head (muhahahaha!) but that would only make an aesthetic difference. Thus I shall now slice you to pieces! :mad:

::drawing sword::


ill-breading? You have gone too far! My brook no intolerance concerning my paneed breaded veal cutlets, Sir.

Thy artistic skills are for shit. That drawing doesn’t look anything like a sword. It looks like a betumored penis.

You wish to stab me with that?

Bahhh, it is clear you desire merely to play with yourself. Go rub thy foul tool elsewhere!

(all too easy)

How appropriate. You fight like a cow.

My $10, please. It’ll go towards defraying the cost of my Guybrush Threepwood merchandise.

[sub](Pssst, when yer IQ rises to 31–sell.)[/sub]
“Thy foul tool” -I cannot compete with such usage of thy words! Baha, I did not realize that you are the worlds greatest lover! Only that thou has never hath a partner!–thy rank of ratsbane!

Measely wench of wenches, thou art a foolish fool. And for that I shall now kill you.


None the less, everyone’s rooting for me.

Soon this will be over and it’ll be clear that you’ve been spade and neutered.

Sorry, old bean, but it’s clear that your legendary wit is actually a bit seedy. You’ve gone to pot.

I’ll end this missive whilst you try to compost yourself for the next round.


PS: You’ve made threadspotting far more than I, but I was invited to be in Teemings. By Euty himself!


WHile I do give you the nod for Shear gall, and I am very sorry to have to prune back your ego, I’ll have you know that I’ve been invited to Teemings twice. It’s pretty clear that I beet you in all things, and I think you’re acting radish to even challenge me here. I’ll continue to plow you under un till you sprout some common sense.

I’m disapointed that you’d continue to hedge,m when by your own rules i’ve already harvested the win.