I was sower this thread would have delved into banjoes. You people make me sickle!
I’ve heard threats like that before. Bean there, done that. They’re mulch ado about nothing. The only way you’ll “plow me under” is if you get the Mods to help you, and that won’t happen without you paying them a hefty celery. You can try to continue to try to soil my reputation, but it won’t work. I do not take of-fence at your insults, I just offer exasperated sythes.
I know you’ve been trying to pick a fight with me, but perhaps you’ve noticed that JMullany has chosen to intrude into our duel of honor. He should have known to leaf us in peace. I, personally, am mortally offended. Lettuce call our duel a draw and together deal with the cur. The only thing that will a-peas me now is his pun-ishment.
Fenris
And as for you, jmullaney, I was going to suggest pistils at dawn, but you don’t have the stamen-a.
Fenris
oh, de-flower me now! If you carrot all, you’ll be mine!
Prepare to die!
Blackclaw brandishing a rapier charges forward but is stopped by a referee.
What do you mean I have to wait my turn? I was here first? No, I didn’t take a number. What? I have to take one now? 31! Good grief! He’ll be long dead before it’s ever my turn! He’ll have been punned to death by Fenris, run through by JosephFinn, sliced to bits by Mnementh, and only the maker himself knows what else will be done to him by that crowd with murderous intent that the fool has drawn to him!
How am I to impress the fair Lady Jarbabyj? Poke Scylla’s corpse a couple of times? I shall never be allowed to kiss the maiden’s hand now.
Blackclaw sulks off looking for another opponent.
You there! Your father wears you mother’s bloomers!
[mouth full of peanut butter] Awwin Buww [/mouth full of peanut butter]
I hereby challenge Milo to a side-duel for blindsiding me with that reference and causing an unexpected snort! I demand satisfacation, suh!
I also demand satisfaction. Geez, I edited that spelling three times.
considering what’s at stake, I’m surprised that our two combatants aren’t garden the gates. Last time, my hero, Fenris rose to the occasion, and tho’ others may find it corn-y, I think he’s a peach!. I have to quit now, I’m plum tuckered out. Forsouth.
:: opens door, peeks in ::
Hoe-ly shit. When will the mods come along and squash this thread? I can barley keep my lunch down reading this crop.
Oh, and I say the winner is [::flips a coin::] Fenris. Fenris, I’ll fallow you anywhere.
:: closes door, goes off to buy beer ::
Fenris:
I concur. Let us call a spade a spade. Honor has been satisfied. We shall bury the hatchet.
Let us find another row to hoe.
Fenris again, I beseach you. We cantelope of course, but we must be together -weed make such a swell pair, and our offshoots would be tree-mendous!
[Never before has the pun-challenged DDG so bitterly regretted her paronomasial impairment than when wistfully peering through the iron bars of the gates that guard this fabulous lair of punsters, this Verbal Valhalla, its windows glowing with the light of a thousand golden puns. Forlornly she shuffles off, to console herself by her humble fireside with Roget’s Thesaurus and Webster’s Deluxe Unabridged Dictionary, while the steely ring of pun upon pun fades into the distance behind her, the magnificent Word Warriors dueling and feasting far into the night…]
Fenris please, you have me in the palm of your hand. (shrub). I guess my furrowed brow will demonstrate my des-pair (ok so I used one twice, Fir heveans sake, this is getting tough).
Fenris I am so melon-coly without you!
Scylla, I’d be so grape-ful if you wood help me. I feel so bamboo-zoled. I’ve apple-ide to reason and resorted to trickery, to no avail.
Wat-er ya thinking Fenris? that you can lead a whore-te-culture, but you can’t make her think (tip o the hat to an old joke and star trek at the same time). I’ll have to plant myself here until you notice me. My tu-lips long for yew. I-ris you would come back.
wring:
Fear not! You’re not bark-ing up the wrong tree! I’m apple-lled that you could think that I woodn’t come to your aid! I was taking a nap, but as soon as I a-rose, I came here to defend you! I would never back-petal (If I did, it would be a thorny situation, luckily, I’m no sap). Let me squash anyone who would offend your honor!
Orange you glad I said that? 
Fenris, the Dandilionhearted
(Dammit, I was about to use the horticulture one! I’m glad I previewed)
so, sue/smack me… Birch ya mad I got there fir-st.
Oak-ay, the kid foxgloves are off. I’m willing to put up with acorny pun from time to time, but this is too much! Your gloating over the “horticulture” pun makes me feel like I arti-choke you. (But I won’t 
) However, I pine for you to quit needleing me about it.
Fern-ris