Last week, I heard from an old girlfriend . People asked for an update, which I now have. And now, like the monks in Mellivora capensis Zen story, I’m going to put her down.
She didn’t waste any time at all, as a matter of fact. I got here at 6:00 AM, and there was already a green light on my phone.
“Hi, it’s me. I didn’t want to waste any more time, and give you a chance to back out. Call me, and we’ll get together.”
I waited until about 8 AM to call, phone gets answered on the first ring. She’s SO happy I called, she was afraid I wouldn’t. I said, well it’s just coffee, right? Yeah she says, and she can put a pot on whenever I say I’m free.
Um….No. Say, how about Panera? Yes, I’m sure, I think it’d be better if we met somewhere we could just sit and talk. Yes, I trust myself, and yes I trust you, but come on……She laughs and agrees.
She was waiting for me at a table when I walked in, and OMFG, it’s like she walked out of a time machine. By my math, she’s going on 48 this spring, and she looks just incredible. She was always, even when I knew her before, always perfectly put together. A very classy dresser, never left the house without spending a little time making sure everything was just so. She’s got on a suede-ish leather jacket with little fringe things on it, nice sweater, designer jeans and boots that were made for walking…… So, yeah I checked her out, I was entitled to, right?
She stands, greets me with a big long hug, a soft peck on the cheek and a whispered “man it’s good to see you”.
Hey, you too. ::squirm::
Did the howyadoin stuff, filled her in on my life, emphasizing how great my wife is, how perfect the kid is, new house, nice job, blah blah……
She gets this kind of almost sad smile on her face. Can a smile be sad? Anyway, she says that when she heard my voice and we talked last week so many feelings came rushing back and she spent the last several days wondering how she’d find a way to let me down easy, but now hearing how my life is going, she sees she doesn’t have to let me down at all.
Takes me by the hand looks me in the eye and proclaims that she spent a lot of time regretting that we separated, how she would have divorced the doc in a heartbeat and how much she loved me then. How yeah, it was wrong to have an affair, but that she spent the rest of her marriage being the perfect wife, having the things she wanted, accomplishing what she wanted in and out of the home, raising two wonderful kids, so there are no regrets about staying with him, but DAMN, every once in a while something would remind her of Bus Guy, and she’d have one of those “stare out the window and wonder” moments.
She’s just rambling and I’m trying not to think about how good she looks or notice she hasn’t let go of my hand and BTW, what IS that perfume, because damn it smells nice.
She says that when we did what we did, it was stupid and wrong, but we were younger, in love and that she had justified it to herself by saying it couldn’t hurt ME, and that the hurt it would cause would be to her husband and she bore that responsibility, not me. But that if we started something now, well there’s too many people to get trampled on. Even IF she thought she could “lure” me back (her word), there’s no way her sense of right and wrong could survive that. She’s trying to raise two teenagers and she’s smart enough to know you do that by example.
Me? I’m listening, but at the same time wondering if I remember her eyes being THAT blue.
Then she begins the part about how good I look, and I’m so dignified and sexy and I comment on her too. I mean honestly, she has the complexion and skin of someone maybe 15 years younger.
We talk about why she moved with kids in high school – because it’s closer to work for her, great deal on the house and her kids didn’t mind making a change. She’s new to the area, asks for recommendations on a gym, asks if I like the Italian place around the corner from her, just chatty stuff like that. I’m kind of torn, Bus Wife goes to the gym closer to the house (and to her house), while I go up the road 10 minutes to the Healthplex at the hospital. Do I recommend mine, or the one where she could run into the wife? I end up telling her about both, knowing she’ll check out both on her own. I manage to ditch the question about which one she’ll run into me at. My guess, is she’ll end up there anyway, it’s more her style.
After what seems like 10 minutes, she glances at her watch and notices it’s been 45 minutes and decides I should get back to work. I agree but want to get some things that have been unsaid into the “said’ column.
I tell her honestly how great it is to see her. I confess to a couple of those “what if” moments myself over the years, but that I’m very happy where I am. It’s not perfect all the time, but what it really? I’m happy, and it appears she is too – as much as she can be. She assures me she is happy, and I can only believe her.
I said that as nice as it’s been to see her again, that it shouldn’t be a habit. She agrees and floors me by saying that if we did make it a habit that she would do everything in her power to have me, but that she’d never “just fool around” with me again. If she got me again, she’d want it to be for keeps, and that’s just trouble to think about, so let’s both put it out of our minds. I said we’re like crack to each other, which made her laugh.
She won’t call, she won’t write, neither will I but it’s a fairly small town, and if we see each other in the store, we’re not going to bother with trying to steer away from each other. Fair enough, I can do that.
I can, really.
Got back here, shot off a quick e-mail to BW.
“Had coffee. She’s still unbelievably hot, she thinks I’m Mr. Stud but knows she’ll never tear me from you, so she’s not going to try.”
Return e-mail not 2 minutes later:
“Good boy. You know your daughter works late tonight. Clothing will be optional at the Casa”
So I guess that went as well as I could’ve expected.
