visualize Friday, March 21st, 2003, CBS
Rather: Now, for those of you who haven’t tuned in for more than a half-minute during the last 10 hours of our nonstop coverage, here’s the 10 second footage of that bomb landing on a power plant. Here it is again. And…here it is again. For continuing coverage of the bomb landing on a power plant footage, please tune into to our Viacom affiliate TV Land, temporarily renamed “10 Second Footage of Bomb Falling on Power Plant Land”, for a nonstop allday continuous loop of the 10 second footage.
Rather: Next up on Conflict: Iraq! we have retired colonel Chad Killemall, Chad it’s nice to see you.
Col. Killemall: Thanks, Dan.
Rather: Now, have you seen that 10 second footage of the bomb?
Col. Killemall: Ummm…yeah, Dan, once or twice.
Rather: Pretty nifty eh? Let me roll it again for those just joining us. And one more time…ok. Now between that footage and the 5 minute press conference they had earlier today about the footage, could you please tell us in accurate detail exactly where our forces will be heading next, the precise day hour and minute at which the war will end, the names of all the janitors in Saddam’s Palace, and which hat Saddam will be wearing upon the day of his capture…and oh yeah, do you have a pick in the Women’s NIT basketball tournament, I think they might still be playing, or did they postpone that too, can we get the fact checkers on that?
Col. Killemall: Ummm…Dan, I don’t think we have enough information right now to determine those answers.
Rather: Are you sure? Now did you see the bomb footage? It’s pretty good. Maybe you didn’t see it, let’s show it again–
Col. Killemall: --Dan, I’ve seen the bomb footage, and I don’t see how that’s significant–
Rather: Hold on, Colonel, let’s show that bomb footage again, and then let you speak. Here it is…and again…and again…and again. Now colonel, wanna take a stab at my detailed 5 point question?
Col. Killemall: So lemme get this straight. You want me to predict details about the outcome of the war with no specific information whatsoever other than that 10 second bomb footage?
Rather: Yes, is that a problem?
Col. Killemall: OK, why the heck not, at least it will prevent you from showing that bomb footage again for a couple minutes–
Rather: Umm, hold on a second colonel. Can the guys in the booth get that bomb footage on a loop and roll it in a slightly smaller window below and to the right of the colonel for the entire time he’s speaking? We can? Good. Ok colonel, go ahead.
Col. Killemall: Allright fine, you idiot. I predict our forces will be heading for Baghdad on Tuesday morning, after stopping for donuts somewhere along the way. The war will end precisely on Sunday April 20th at 12:31 am. The janitors names are, umm…let’s say…Jamaal, Sayed, Shahid and…Ben. And Saddam will be wearing a brown beret with a silver pin on it. There, happy?
Rather: And your Women’s NIT prediction?
Col. Killemall: I like Missouri, the BigXII was really tough this year and they were the top team from the conference left out of the NCAAs.
Rather: Hang on colonel, the fact checkers are now telling me the Women’s NIT has been cancelled. However, those with tickets will still be able to go to the arenas, where in conjunction with CBS they will be showing a continuous loop of the 10 second bomb footage on the jumbotrons. I understand Missouri’s jumbotron isn’t very big compared to UConn’s, does that alter your pick colonel?
Flashback to today
So, what ends a war faster: victory, protests, or boredom? Enjoy your war coverage guys, looks like an action packed lineup. :rolleyes: