And today's cop joke is:

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Officer: May I see your driver’s license?

Driver: I don’t have one. I had it suspended when I got caught drink driving.

Officer: May I see the owner’s card for this vehicle?

Driver: It’s not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That’s right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner’s card
in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There’s a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That’s where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who
owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There’s a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly
surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the
tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who’s car is this?

Driver: It’s mine, officer. Here’s the owner’s card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there’s a gun in
it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there’s no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there’s a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don’t understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn’t have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I’ll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too

2

Yeah that was funny when I got it, but the email I saw had the “driver” as a Navy Chief and the “officer” as an MP. Much more funny and believable.

3

haha very good

4

Here’s one for you…

A guy is driving down a back coutry road. He’s approaching an intersection with a stop sign but can cleary see that there are no cars coming. He slows down as he approaches but doesn’t stop. Thirty seconds later a sheriifs deputy (he’d been hiding behind some shrubbery) pulls him over.

Officer: You didn’t stop for that sign back there.

Driver: You’re right, but I did slow down.

Officer: The sign didn’t say slow down, it said stop.

Driver: Well I could see there was no traffic coming, slow down, stop, what’s the difference.

Officer: Step out of the car. (driver gets out)

Officer: Ok, here’s the difference (proceeding to hit the driver about the head and shoulders with his balck jack) “now” he says between blows “would you like me to slow down, or stop?”

5

An old woman in CA called the Fish and Game Dept. because she was having trouble with rabbits eating her garden. The game wardens set out traps but could never catch them. They called in the FBI who went into the woods and after much shooting, they concluded that there were no rabbits. The CIA then sent out animal operatives. After a month, they also concluded that there were no rabbits. As a last resort, things were handed to the LAPD. Two cops went into the woods and in 10 minutes, screams and whimpering could be heard coming from the trees. As they emerged from the brush, they were holding a bruised and bleeding raccoon who was screaming “Alright, I’m a rabbit…I’m a rabbit”!