And you're all so uncomfortable around me because...

The BBQ Pit
1

So, I’m nearly halfway through the second semester of the massage therapy program at the community college. Thank God it’s almost over, because it’s really difficult for me to be in the room with a bunch of people who can’t stand being around me. I was informed late last semester by the head of the program that a lot of the other students are refusing to work with me because they “don’t feel comfortable” around me. No, nothing specific that I’ve done or said, I did ask.

I don’t get the practice that I need because more days than not, I can’t find a partner for lab. People go out of their way to avoid sitting at the same table as me- one guy actually went so far as to get up and move to the other side of the room when I sat down at the table with him. until a few weeks ago, we got along fine, then out of a blue sky, he acts like I have cooties.
This guy is in his fifties, btw.

Well, after some investigation, I discovered why everyone is so uncomfortable with me.

I suffer from chronic back problems, and am forever stretching my back and neck trying to work the kinks out- sitting still is physically very uncomfortable for me. I try, I really do, but eventually, I have to flex, twist, pull the right shoulder back, to get the kinks out. I must confess that this probably looks a bit strange, but since everyone knows that I have these physical problems, you’d think they would understand, but apparently they don’t. Either that or they just don’t care.

So I’m in a classroom full of students who are there to learn to become massage therapists.

The sight of someone in obvious physical pain makes them so uncomfortable that they will go out of their way to avoid contact with that person.

Pardon me while I consume sufficient quantities of alcohol to quiet the cognitive dissonance this sets up in my brain.
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OK, so I’d really like to know why these people are studying massage therapy, if they can’t deal with being around someone with (gasp) back problems. I’m going into this field because I want to be able to put my hands on people who are in pain and make them better. I guess these people think they are going to make ridiculous amounts of money working in some spa, dealing with clients who don’t have any particular problems, but just want a massage for relaxation purposes. I hope they find the jobs they are looking for. I wish them well, I really do.

Meanwhile, since I don’t have the opportunity to practice in class, the only practice I get is the two or three clients I see in clinic every week- who by the way nearly always give me the highest possible scores on my evaluations. And since I can’t get any work done on me in class, I have to pay to be worked on in the student clinic by one of the students from the other campus. Since I’m not working right now, even though it’s only fifteen bucks a pop, it’s still a financial strain, but since, after making the rounds of doctors, chiropractors, and physical therapy, I’ve found that the only real relief from the nearly constant pain I’m in comes from getting massage, I really can’t afford not to have the work done.

So, the guy who peppers the air with inappropriate sexual commentary, and who once put his tongue out and pretended to lick massage lotion off of another student’s body, nobody has a problem with.

The guy who has no compunctions about making insulting comments to other students about their bodies, hey, that’s cool.

The woman who is just generally mean, and will tell anyone who is not a fund’ist Protestant that their religious beliefs are not from the Bible, and are therefore stupid, well, yeah, folks will work with her.

The chick who comes to class in midriff-baring outfits and doesn’t put her scrub top on until the instructor comes in, and poses suggestively, well, all the guys want to work with her.

The woman who has obvious physical problems, and, hey, really, really needs a massage guys…

Don’t touch her, she has cooties.

God, it’s like middle school all over again.

I’m counting the days until graduation.

2

This is just unbelievable, such complete asses should have their asses handed to them on a plate.

3

Did someone actually tell you that is the reason? Because I’ve had back problems all my life- I frequently stretch, pop, crack, and flex. I even do some yoga poses when I’m really trying to work out a kink. I’ve never, ever been treated weirdly for it or even looked at sideways. How totally bizzare.

4

Am I correct in assuming that in lab the partners take turns giving each other massages? Maybe they’re all afraid that if they work on you, they might aggravate your problems, and seriously injure you?

Just a thought. Could be completely wrong.

5

No. Nobody would have the decency to tell me. I basically had to piece it together by some serious self-monitoring to make sure my behavior wasn’t in any way out of line (I used to run through mental checklists of everything I had done or said on a given day to see if maybe there was something that could be misconstued, and would generally come up with, well, maybe with a stretch of the imagination that would cause brain injury, and cry myself to sleep again), and by comments made by people I’m friendly with that it looks really weird. Oh, and in other places, I have had comments made to me. When I was working at Wal-Mart, I would frequently stretch out in the break room, and people who were well aware of my back problems would sneer at me and say , “What are you doing?”. My stock answer was, “Trying to keep my spine from folding up like an accordion”. This would get me a look of deep disdain.

I don’t know, maybe it’s a Vegas thing.

6

It may not be that.

If memory serves, you posted about not wanting to work with crystals because you felt that didn’t mesh with your Catholicism. That may be what’s causing the other people to feel uncomfortable around you. Sure, the other woman condemns them to hell, but if she works with the crystals, she’s not as “weird” as you.

If you’re at all quiet, that doesn’t help either.

7

Hmmm, ultrafilter, you just may have something there. We also have a woman in class who professes to be a Christian, but will do Reikei, which, as far as I’m concerned, is a form of magick. Also, this other woman, the one who is a total bitca, doesn’t actually condemn people to Hell. She believes the Bible, swears like a drunken sailor, calls me stupid because I’m Catholic, and is generally unpleasant to be around. Oddly, she’s also one of the few people I’m actually on friendly terms with.

Anyhoo, we won’t be playing with crystals this semester. I actually had a sit-down with the Complementary Modalities instructor because she was talking about some of the energetic modalities she would be teaching. She assured me that she wasn’t going to be teaching “voodoo”, or any kind of psychic stuff- it would all be hands-on physical techniques that create a physical effect in the body, not trying to manipulate the Cosmic Forces, so I feel pretty safe that I won’t be asked to do anything that violates my religious beliefs.

8

My sympathies Thea. I’m in Vegas and I can’t imagine someone doing that to you, but I’m not a native of Nevada either. I’d give you a massage (Ive seriously considered giving it a shot if I had to go back to school) but I’m not a practicing therapist, just a guy with talent. Hope all works out for you.
Sanscour

9

I forgot to add, you can give me a massage if you want :stuck_out_tongue: My job is all manual labor and I’m on a slow breakdown phsyically.

10

Sanscour, you’re on. Check your e-mail.

I just want to add that even if ultrafilter’s theory is correct…

that’s still a piss-poor reason for treating someone like a pariah.

Personally, if I knew someone was refusing to do certain things because either their religious beliefs or their personal moral/ethical beliefs taught them that it was wrong, it would increase my level of respect for, and comfort with, that person.

But then again, I’m a bit strange.

11

Me too. I have a very phsical job and my aging body is nat helping any. I could use a good massage.

12

I guess it would be a safe assumption that you, too, are in Vegas…?

13

Thea Logica - I don’t know you at all. So forgive me for mentioning this - please don’t take it as an insult. But you didn’t mention these things at all… so… I must say that in my experience, most of the time when people are avoided but not told why it has something to do with hygiene. Do you shower daily? Do you brush your teeth regularly and care about what your breath smells like? Do you go easy on perfume? Do you wear deodorant? Does your clothing look freshly laundered? Do you have any kind of skin issues such as eczema or something that might be misunderstood as contagious? I wouldn’t want to give a massage to someone with any of these issues… I am probably barking up the wrong tree, but I had to say so, just in case.

14

Well, I’m not saying that what I’m suggesting makes sense, and it’s certainly not right, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

15

yes

Yes

I don’t wear perfume. It irritates my sinuses.

Yes

Yes

No

Me neither.

I’ll see your probably and raise you a definitely.

ultrafilter, I have found that there is very little in the way most humans behave that makes sense. Sometimes I wonder how our species has managed to survive its own stupidity.

16

I figured as much, but had to rule it out. Then I’ll have to second the others that these people are just jerks. :slight_smile:

17

You know what I think it is? (My freakin’ opinion follows):

It’s that a lot of massage-type people are into perfection of the body. Not necessarily in terms of muscular development, but they’re so often just generally into health, health, health, darling, that they’re freaked out in the presense of an imperfect body, one that has back problems, a body that has not already been cured by the magickal wonders of massage and Reiki and crystals and tone therapy and whatnot. To the idealists among them (and what college class isn’t full of idealists) you represent a failure. If you were right with the Great Spirit of Massage Therapy, you wouldn’t have any back problems.

God bless all the massage therapists who just want to relieve people’s pain, regardless of who they are and how they came to be in pain.

18

Thea, I was a teacher. Your professor was dead wrong to tell you that others were refusing to work with you without giving you a reason. If they could not give the teacher a good reason, then they should do whatever is assigned to them. If they had a reason, then the teacher should share it with you.

The students and the teacher were jerks.

My shrink would tell you that it has more to do with who they are than it does with who you are.

I had much rather have a massage from someone who understands pain. I hope that you find relief from your problems.

19

This happened to me when I was a lab student, doing my practicum. Everyone seemed to not like me very much, and I couldn’t think of anything I had done to deserve it. I don’t think you’ve done anything to deserve it, Thea - it seems like groups of people just take it into their heads to ostracize someone, and nothing you did or said caused it, and nothing you can do will change it.

My theory about why the lab people were so cold to me is because I’m quite different from them, and it made them uncomfortable, so they naturally decided that someone who made them uncomfortable was someone to dislike. I was counting the days until graduation, too - the only thing that kept me going some days was the resolve that if they wanted me to quit, that would be the last thing that I would do.

And just for the record, I’m a very likeable person. But I’m not like everyone else, and some people are very challenged by this. You might be experiencing the same silliness.

20

**Thea Logica
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Don’t be so hard on **ultrafilter **. When I first read your OP. I couldn’t help but think of the other threads you’ve posted regarding school and your employment. Have you ever considered that you don’t work/relate well with others? That something about your personality keeps people at a distance?

Perhaps not, but worth considering?

Hope things work out.