I don’t know. This is a hard choice. I know I don’t want to be one of this people you listed ResIpsaLoquitor. They all seem big and important. What if I flub a line? And they’re all doomed to obscurity after the war’s over. Except for the
He might go on and become a dashing, daring, mildy self-centered CIA guy and go around fighting terrorists and drug cartels. You never know…
So I’ll just be a grunt. But part of the RebelDoper Alliance? Or the WDA? I want my shiny white armor so I’ll choose the WDA
Wait, wait! You mean to tell me that the Alleged Dictator of the World (Attempted) to whom I pledged my allegiance (the original version, of course, not this new-fangled one coinciding with a belief in any deity, gremlin, goblin or other) is now an offical Rebel? Albeit leechbabe’s second-in-command of boobies; so I suppose that’s alright. Food and boobies.
Okay. I’m still game. Go rebels! Woo-hoo! Giddy-up!
Yeah, I agree with the boobies boss on this point. I mean, with chocolate you get caffeine, which enables you with enough “staying awake” power to appreciate the boobies. With armor you get rust. I choose boobies over rust any day. Especially boobies with chocolate.
I’m not sure rust and chocolate mix well together.
Can I be a complete nobody who gets killed by a weapon of mass destruction in one of the early battles between the various forces currently gathering in this thread?
Princhester I believe you will find the supply of red shirts over behind the wall of chocolate and pepsi. By donning one of these your wish is sure to come true.
Were it a contest of boobies alone, I’d have to side with our upstart overlord here. Everybody knows that the villianesses have the best of 'em, or capture the good girls and put them in revealing outfits.
But… chocolate macadamia cookies and boobies? Though they may be of lesser quality, the combination of sex/gluttony wins over merely sex.
I wanna be the guy who sits in an impenetrable booth and intones “Ten seconds to launch… Nine… Eight…” and so forth. I’m also good at remaining at my post while telling everyone to evacuate the area.
Sorry Splutter, I’m gonna hafta side with leechboob in this battle. Her massive stores of Pepsi and chocolate (okay, and the mezmerizing mammaries too) cannot be resisted by this reluctant rebel. I’ve got a slightly used GI Joe “action figure” that’s only missing one hand that you can have though. I know that you can use all the help you can get in these trying times of trying to quash rebels and Joe is an excellent strategist and field commander (take it from me).
Okay leech, now that I’ve planted someone in the enemy’s command post who’s certain to bring about his deserving destruction, howze 'bout making me the the guy who points out all the inconsistencies and impracticalities of what’s sure to be serveral episodes of fun-filled adventures trying to take out the Evil Spunker, errr, Sporker, oh sorry, Splutter.
Rebel Doper Alliance Job Application
**Position Applied for: **pretentious, regal female who’s good with a rifle
**Salary desired: **The usual – chocolate, glory, and the odd dashing pilot type
**Qualifications: **[list][li]Can think and shoot my way out of a trash compactor.[/li][li]Can use a wrench and a lever.[/li][li]Can deliver insults in an ice-cold regal voice.[/li][li]Some familiarity with military strategy.[/li][li]Can get the locals on our side.[/li][li]Would consider kissing a wookie.[/li][li]Have boobies.[/li][li]Can make killer chocolate truffle. Note: to make that literally so, please give advance notice.[/li]
Mind you, I still think this will be a walk.
CJ
(AP) WALLA WALLA, Wash.-- As a result of the continued talk of boobies, would-be world dictator Splutter’s head exploded at 3:43 a.m. eastern time on July 5.
It is being advised to continue such talk of boobies-- and especially of boobies covered in chocolate, most notably leechbabe’s boobies covered in chocolate-- until officials can be sure that all of Splutter’s henchmen’s heads also go ka-blooey.*
Boobies. Covered in chocolate.
Happy, doing his small part for justice and freedom
Well, since I’ve just hired cjhoworth as our new pretentious princess type, she needs to steal his copy of Truly Tasteless Jokes and hide it in a small appliance. We’ll then shove it into an escape pod and fire it off to the Pit, where hopefully a more sarcastic Doper will find it and come to our rescue.
I’ll apply for the position of evil babe. I wanna wear skin-tight black leather and red lipstick at all times. I’ll carry a bullwhip and use my high heels as weapons. I will have a very bad attitude all the time and use sex to get my way. I’ll drink like a fish and curse like a sailor.
Actually, that’s pretty close to my life now. I’m perfect for the job! Now go get me a boubon, you small minded fuck.
*quietly slips into Splutter’s, office turns on monitors and, um, monitors situation. Splutter vainly trying to drum up entheusiasm for his evil-overlordliness. The would-be Doper Rebel Alliance too busy debating the merits of chocolate, boobies and white armor to mount any real resistance. Good. Closes door, gets evil henchcats Conan and Schrodinger on the comm. Instructs them to create further distractions by giving displays of cute fuzziness, thus causing everyone do drop what they’re doing and say, “Oooh, look at the fuzzy kittycats, they are sooooo cuuuuuute!”, and compete for the right to pet them. Creates a computer program that will hack into any machine that has a modem and resets everybody’s start page to “The World of Sid and Marty Kroft”. Leans back, puts feet up on the desk and revels in the chaos she has created.
Thea Logica has just quietly taken over the world.*
I knew that line would get me in trouble . “May,” I said. I haven’t yet had proof either way.
I humbly accept the offered position, so that I may enlighten all of the superlative quality of the Alliance’s boobies. All incoming boobie shipments must meet my approval (don’t worry, I’m easy to please). Please make an appointment with my secretary, Benita Hill.
. “May,” I said. I haven’t yet had proof either way.