This is so insignificant compared to some of the things that go on, but still it just doesn’t sit right with me.
OK, here it goes:
My sister is having a wedding shower for my 19-year-old nephew and his 22-year-old bride. I’m invited, but–since I was given only two days notice, and already had other plans–I won’t be able to make it.
And here’s the deal:
Since our father died in '96, my sister and I used to be in contact at least *once of week (we basically live in the same town), until last fall. She informed me that she was deep in debt, and wanted to sell me some property that she inherited from our father. I wasn’t really interested in going in any extra debt myself, especially when she was wanting twice what the market value was, but I gave her the standard non-committal “I’ll think about it.” A few days later, she found another relative who was willing to take it off her hands. Don’t know for a fact that the transaction ever went through, but that’s the last I heard of it.
And it was almost the last I’d heard from her until this week. Since August, when this was going on, I’ve spoken to her twice. In early October, she asked if I would come over for my birthday one weekend. I said that I already had plans for that weekend, but I could make it the next. Didn’t hear back. Then, in early November, she asked if I was going to have Thanksgiving with her and her extended family (husband, her three kids, one step-son). I told here I wouldn’t be able to make Thanksgiving (the gal and I were heading to the beach after Thanksgiving with her family), but could do Christmas (where I was also invited to be with my gal’s family, but since they were meeting late, I could have made it around lunchtime). Well, I never heard back from her about Christmas, so I didn’t go. Sure, I could have called to confirm that they were still having **Christmas dinner, and were they expecting me–but I didn’t. Right or wrong, I felt that I might have been imposing, since it had been six weeks since we had spoken. I felt as though I would be inviting myself.
OK, so now it’s May. To this day, I have not spoken to my sister since November, and she has not called me, even to leave a message. I think she’s kinda embarrassed about having had to admit her indebtedness, and possibly thinks that I think ill of her for having gotten into that situation. And maybe it’s something else. I know (from other relatives) that she’s had a lot of problems with my 14-year-old niece. Who knows???
And now for the nephew. He joined the Air Force last fall, met a gal–also in the Air Force–and got married very quickly. And, no, there was no pressing, um, need, for them to get married. They just did. OK. That’s their business. I didn’t think it was a good move, but no one asked me–and even if they had, I doubt that I would have said anything negative. It wouldn’t have dissuaded them, and I would have just ended up looking like “The Bad Guy.”
But that wasn’t the issue with me. I think that marriage is a significant life-altering event (so I’ve heard–never been there, myself), but I wasn’t even told they were going to. My first indication was when my mother called me to tell my that my nephew (and her grandson) had married. (There was no ceremony. They just “went downtown” and signed papers.) My sister couldn’t even tell my that! I had to hear it after the fact from my mom.
That is what bothered me.
It also bothers me that apparently he has been calling his grandmother, his aunt (our older sister), and all his paternal relatives about it–but somehow I seem to have been left out of it. Adding to this is the fact that for his high school graduation, I gave him a check for several times more than everyone else ***combined (and four times the total amount that I received for my own graduation). Not even a “thank you.”
Which brings us to the shower. In a conversation with my mother (she still calls me at least once a week), she mentioned the shower. I said that I didn’t know about it. She said, “You didn’t receive an invitation?” (In the past my sister mailed out invitations for familial events. I said, “Nope. Sure didn’t.” She seemed surprised, because “they were mailed several days ago.” As of yesterday, I still haven’t received one. But I did receive an email yesterday informing me. I suspect that my mother mentioned to my sister that I said I hadn’t received one.
And I feel a little annoyed about it. I feel I’ve been kept out of touch about the whole situation, then at the last minute “Oh, we’re having a shower, and you’re invited.” I feel as though I’ve been sorta left out of a lot. I also feel I’ve been invited at the last minute in hopes that I’d already made other plans–and thus would not be able to attend.
Anyway, I’m just not real happy with this sequence of events.
Any opinions would be welcome.
*This is actually impressive. We came from a very uncommunicative family. The four of us siblings (older brother, older sister, me, younger sister) hall have “communication issues.” Our brother doesn’t talke to any of us. The older sister speaks only to me. I’ve never once called either older sibling.)
**Hey, when we were kids under the same roof, our family never–even once–had any “special” Christmas meal. But, we didn’t do meals much anyway.
***This is a little artifically inflated because he didn’t get a single penny from a soul on his father’s side. One thing–they don’t have any money. Another thing–he’s the first person in that family to graduate high school. Not his father, paternal aunts and uncles, nor cousins. So, high school gradutation was a novel concept to them.
