I feel for you. I am not a vegatarian, but There are certain things I can’t eat, like breads, and pastas, and sugars, and certain vegatables. Can I get this explained to a single family member? Heck No,hey think I am on some kind of low carb diet because i want to lose weight quicker or some crud. My Mother in Law absolutey refuses to acknowlege what I can and cannot eat even though both me and my hubby have told her that I can’t eat a stirfry(one of her faves), sorry unless the brownies are sugar and gluten free, I can’t eat one. So she gets offended and makes snide comments for days. SO I fixed the problem. simply do not go to her house. Maybe a bit a drastic for most, and we had other problems aside of the food thing, but If It was only just the food thing I wouldn’t go over either. So back to the Op,I would simply not eat over there anymore and let them raise heck, because it is obvious they have no regard for what you can eat and not eat.
I agree with this. Cooking for a vegetarian is not hard–NO MEAT!
Y’know, a few years back, Vegetarian Journal (a hard-core vegetarian/vegan magazine) wrote to a large number of major restaurant chains asking them what they had on their menus for vegetarians and vegans. The responses were interesting. Some restaurants had a lot of choices. Some tried hard to make it look like there was something for vegetarians to eat, but they were bullshitting. For example, one pizza chain apparently uses a meat sauce, so they recommended that the vegan customer eat a cheeseless, sauceless pizza. In other words, let them eat crust. And a bowl of plain lettuce. Yum. The one interesting response was from Cracker Barrel. They basically said, “virtually everything here has some meat or broth in it. We are sorry we can’t accomodate you.” I really respect their honesty. (Although it doesn’t really make me want to eat there, you know?) Better to be honestly non-vegetarian that to try to fake it. At least they won’t make people sick.
Some good suggestions have been offered here so far.
- Avoid eating at the in-law’s.
- If you have to eat there, bring a dish that you can eat.
- If all else fails, eat before and/or after. Or sneak a powerbar into your purse and gobble it in the bathroom. Then you can just pretend to eat.
I can’t eat at my in-law’s either. It’s not an issue of dietary needs. It’s that my mother-in-law is such an astonishingly atrocious cook that I can barely choke down anything that she has prepared. I use a combination of strategies 1 and 3 above.
Checking back in after being offline last night; hopefully I’ll catch the major points. This was basically me just blowing off steam, as a point of frustration after I’d hoped that these incidents would be behind me.
I used to be far more picky about what I ate but this inevitably leads to loud worrying about me and so on. The meat-sneaking was occasional but often enough to make me nervous, until my husband got into a huge blow-out argument with his father after it became obvious that he wasn’t getting the clue that this isn’t something that won’t harm me.
The sister-in-law who made the polenta with chicken broth is the same one who has the pharmacy of vitamins and other supplements and goes to expensive organic food groceries. As such I interpreted her response as being more justification than apology, especially since I didn’t hear, “I’m sorry”. I’ve let that pass though; we get along well.
My house is not meat-free; my husband is a definite omnivore. 
When my inlaws come over for dinner - for a while we had them over every other week or so - I cook meat main courses, and a couple good side dishes, one with grains or beans for protein for me. His parents love my cooking, and his father-in-law occasionally marvels that I can cook these dishes without tasting them during the process to adjust spices (smell and a good sense memory help me compensate for that).
At holidays/other big dinners I do bring a dish if they let me, but I’ve tried to be sure to eat other (appropriate) dishes too. Food and culinary skills are pretty important in the family. I’ve also been given the task of being a main kitchen helper at the family Christmas dinner when it’s at my FIL and MIL’s house - extra responsibility but it lets me be there helping to make the food so I get to see exactly what goes in those dishes at least.
Mostly I’m frustrated that after I thought the struggle was over, every now and then I get hit with a surprise. The polenta a while back, and now possible food poisoning. I swear I have less problems with restaurants and I don’t cross-examine them about their food, and I’ve never had trouble at my mom’s. I’d hoped that eating ahead of time and falling back on ‘tiny appetite’ claims - though I do actually prefer eating more but small meals - was behind me.
When you’re right, you’re right. Yosemite is 100% right.
That’s more than plenty enough time to figure out that meat <> vegetarian. Heck, my Mom’s figured it out in less than two weeks when I went veggie last year.
Agreed. It is a calculating devious, not to mention childish, act. It also has the KNOWN consequences of making the victim of the “prank” physically ill.
I think Denise needs to start upchucking at the table. Seriously, though, what’s next? Stuffing bacon into the Jewish or Muslim neighbour’s snacks? Putting beef bouillon into the Hindu’s salad? Or is it just your average run of the mill poisoing going on here?
I think they are mean, cruel, and vindictive. I also think their behaviour is criminal. Maybe getting arrested next time they pull this stunt will wake them up.
Oh, the hubby? What a pansie. Denise: if your husband refuses to protect you from what he knows his family’s doing to you, then he is just as guilty as they are.
Another thing: don’t fake “small appetite” claims. Tell them the truth. You are ovo-lacto-vegetarian (as I am) and CANNOT eat the food they think is healthy for you. Tell them in no uncertain terms that it is not healthy for you now and that you do not find their inflicting illness on you funny at all.
Those biscuits mentioned above? Were they made with lard?
Monty, you probably missed my latest follow-up post, in which I clarified some things. The meat-hiding hasn’t happened for quite a while, and stopped when my husband had a screaming fit at his father because his and my previous discussions with him about my eating habits hadn’t sunk in. I agreed with a previous poster that perhaps the broth incident with a sister-in-law was innocent, and just not handled well. I discussed the situation with her at the time.
My latest problem was possibly food poisoning due to questionable food that was served to the whole family; I know my husband and one sister-in-law ate the eggs too, and my husband at least wasn’t feeling well either.
Actually, I’m wondering if my husband’s parents aren’t getting somewhat, well, senile or something. Either that or I know that hygiene can degrade some with age, as well as sense of taste and smell, and I’ve seen signs of that happening with them. My mother-in-law brought a dish to the same dinner that had a ton of dog fur in it (it had meat so I didn’t eat any), and that was commented on by my husband and one of his sisters. They figured she was petting their huge, heavily shedding dog and didn’t wash her hands at all, ew.
I’m just distressed that the minute I relax a little on this, something bad finds its way into my food, whether meat products or pathogens.
Oh, and I partially retract my previous comment about not having this much trouble anywhere else - McDonald’s has earned the ‘fuck you’ exception to that for soaking their fries in beef broth, while touting how they cook them in 100% vegetable oil. And here I thought my stomach didn’t like the grease.
I saw it. That’s why I made the final comment I did.
Do you not see that they have not apologized for the harm they’ve actually done you and that they apparently have no intention of so doing? For that matter, consider their attitude to your decision regarding your own health. They have no respect for you. Hell, even a cat gets fed its food of choice!
I, for one, wouldn’t use this one incident to rationalize all the rest of their misbehaviour. Again, they have no respect for you.
Either that or they just don’t have any respect for you or for anyone else, for that matter.
Siimple solution: DON’T EAT THERE!
Next time you visit them and meal-time rolls around, excuse yourself with, “We’ll be back after dinner if that’s okay with you.” If it’s not okay, don’t be back.
And the Mickey Dee’s folks weren’t telling lies about it being cooked in oil. They just left out the little bit about putting beef-based stuff on it after cooking. Your in-laws have consistently shown they don’t have respect for your decision about what you will eat and actively circumvented it thus making them worse than the Golden Arches Crew. As I said above, a pet cat gets more consideration than that.
DeniseV,
Perhaps you could get your husband’s family interested in learning something new. Check out:
[ul][li]http://www.vegetarianrecipe.com[]http://www.planetveggie.com[]http://www.ldsveg.org/[*]http://www.vegetariantimes.com[/ul][/li]
These are all of my bookmarked veggie sites. I especially like the first one because it’s set up so you can print the recipes to fit on either 3x5 or 5x8 index cards. The third one is for vegetarian LDS (yep, we exist).