Mother-In-Law, Please Don't Cook For Me.

The BBQ Pit
1

I am sick to death of my Mother-In-Law’s “cooking”. Tonight’s poor excuse for a meal featured the following:
Lasagne
Sausages
Potato Salad (potatoes, boiled eggs and mayonaisse)
Coleslaw

Agh! I’ve been a part of this family for nearly 4 years now. Why can’t MIL remember:

I can’t eat anything containing tomato, especially tomato paste… you know, like lasagne.

I can’t eat fatty, greasy foods… you know, like sausages.

I will not, under any circumstances, eat that vile substance known as mayonaisse. The very idea makes me feel sick to the stomach. This covers both potato salad and coleslaw.

I’m feeling so sick right now that I don’t think I’ll be able to work tomorrow. I’ve had a stomach upset for days, the only way to settle it is to be careful about what I eat. Thanks to the vile menu provided by MIL, I’m back to where I was a couple of days ago, so it looks like I’ve got another half a week of bloating, pain and other stomach ickyness to go through before I start to get back to normal.

What kind of person serves nothing but sausages, lasagne, coleslaw and potato salad? That’s not a meal, that’s heartburn on a plate.

If you need me, I’ll be in the bathroom.

2

Damn her for taking the time to make you a meal. I hope that she doesn’t do anything else inconsiderate like cleaning the dishes and robbing you of your right to “dishpan” hands!

Maybe next time you could say no thank you? :wink:

3

Gee, why didn’t I think of that? Oh wait, it’s because “No” was not an option. I was Expected To Attend, and Expected To Eat, and despite having repeated many times that I have food sensitivities, once again no effort was made to provide me with food that wouldn’t make me ill. I’m certainly being ungrateful for the meal she provided, but I think she’s being inconsiderate when she always cooks me food that she has been told will make me sick.

If I could refuse to ever eat her cooking again, I would be a happy girl. That’s just not an option, and so I vent here instead.

4

Oh, you poor bastard! :eek:

: And your insane to!:eek:

5

There is something seriously wrong when you have to eat foods that will make you ill. Frankly, her fucking son should DEMAND that she provide food that you can eat at occasions you attend.

My brother in law has massive dairy problems, if he and my sister said to my mother “Steve can’t eat this, because of the cheese.” my mom would make something else. My mother can be as irrational as anyone, but would never be “insulted” by such a statement.

It is high time you and hubby just said no. No is always an option. This is not like saying she’s a lousy cook, fer cryin out loud!

6

<channeling Bette Midler from The First Wives Club>
I say this to you with love and affection . . .
</cBMfTFWC>

What Cheesesteak said. If you were deathly allergic to peanuts, and all she served were peanut butter sandwiches, should you go into anaphylactic shock and die just to make this woman happy?

Family harmony can only go so far. She KNOWS what you cannot eat because it makes you PHYSICALLY ILL, and yet she makes it anyway and expects you to eat it? What a fucking RUDE, CALLOUS CONTROL FREAK. It IS an option for you to choose what you put into your body, and it’s YOUR OPTION, not hers.

Next time you’re invited for dinner, pack a sandwich (or better, bring along a dish that can be shared with everyone and that you can also make a meal out of). When Dear Mother brings out the botulism-on-a-plate, tell her it all looks so wonderful, but sweetly say you’re sorry, you cannot eat it because (she must have forgotten that) you are violently allergic to the ingredients. Be graphic about happens when you eat X and Y foods, if you have to (". . . and no, I am not exaggerating"). Then enjoy a big bowl of veggie salad or whatever.

And yes, normally Mr. Cazzle sounds like a great guy, but if he won’t stand up for you here, then he’s aiding and abetting his mother by expecting you to eat foods that makes you sick. Rather cruel for a husband, if you ask me.

cazzle, PLEASE TAKE A STAND! This is abuse.

7

I tell people that I am very sorry, but I have a “food intolerance.”

This does not actually mean that my body is physically intolerant/allergic to a certain food.

It means I don’t like a certain food, and won’t tolerate being force-fed it.

8

If polite refusal will not work, move on to plan B: projective vomit.

9

I’ve been married 37 years. My MIL is a mediocre cook. Her recipes are similar to the ones described in the OP. However, she is doing her best. I wish she were a better cook, but it ain’t gonna happen.

cazzle, do you want to get food that won’t make you sick or do you want to make your Mother in Law wrong? I hope it’s the former.

I suggest that you take the entire onus on yourself. Follow Istara’s suggestion and tell the family you have food intolerance. You DO have food intolerance. Taking that stand simplifies the problem. because it makes it yours. You can deal with your food intolerance yourself; your MIL doesn’t need to change her ways.

Once you’re in charge of the problem, you can solve it. You might bring special food with you when you visit. Or, maybe she’d let you fix something for yourself in her kitchen. Or, perhaps you might be able to store appropriate food in her pantry. There are lots of options.

10

Errr… can we tone down the Mr Cazzle bashing? I don’t blame him for this. He loves me, he loves his mother and he just wants this to blow over.

Also, I really just wanted to vent. Your advice is appreciated, but not needed. That doesn’t mean you can’t offer it, of course, but I just had to complain to someone she didn’t give birth to.

December, my mother in law may be a bad cook, but that’s not the issue here. My complaint was that she’s making food for me that makes me very ill. I also find it annoying that she endlessly lectures us on healthy eating, yet serves up meals like I mentioned in the OP, but that’s another rant. Your suggestions are appreciated, but in the circumstances aren’t practical.

I know it’s a PITA to make food especially for me, but the other answer is - don’t invite me for dinner. I would rather not be invited than made to feel obliged to come and then fed food that enduces diarrhea, cramping, bloating and a range of other equally unpleasant symptoms. My MIL has been told MANY times that I have food intolerances - that’s not untrue in any way, my body certainly doesn’t tolerate most of those foods - but she still cooks whatever pleases her without regard to how I’m going to cope with it.

The peanut allergy comparison was one I was going to raise myself, as I find it hard to believe she would act the same way if the food she was offering would be fatal to me, yet she just plain doesn’t care if it makes me sick. Why is that?? I get so upset over this, and it always happens around the times that are supposed to be special - Father’s Day, birthdays, etc. She’s just very unreasonable about it. She won’t make allowences for my special dietary requirements, and isn’t open to negotiation. I guess future solutions are to refuse all invitations to go to her house for dinner, but she’s hard to say no to.

I already find it depressing enough that I can’t just go out for a meal like most other people, that I have to worry that I won’t find something I can eat, and that I have to give people a hard time about what they’re cooking when I’m their guest. It’s just so much worse when I’m ignored. I get frustrated, and yet I don’t like to keep harping on Mr Cazzle, who feels torn between his mother and his wife.

11

Well, IMO, if you KNOW what is going to happen to you, and you do it anyway, I have a hard time feeling sorry for you when it happens. What makes you think that everyone else should have to eat only things that you can? Should your MIL have to cook two different dishes, one for you and one for everyone else?You’re the one who needs special foods, maybe you should be the one to bring them for yourself.

For the record, my son has a peanut allergy, and we don’t expect the groups he’s in to accomodate him at snack time. That’s why we provide his teachers with safe snacks for him to eat when someone brings in cookies, brownies, etc. And we always keep snacks in the car for t-ball, cub scouts, etc. Yes, it’s a pain and sometimes inconvienient, but it nobodys responsibility but OURS.

MC$E

12

I loathe eggs. Every way, shape and form. Just the smell of them cooking gives me the dry heaves.

When my MIL offers to make omelettes for breakfast, I smile at her and say, “No thanks,” and start rummaging around the pantry for other food to eat. Of course, MIL knows I hate eggs and offers them with a wink, then waves me over to the fridge to commence my rummaging. The point is if I don’t eat what she makes, then I’m on my own.

If your MIL is still making food you can’t eat after being told numerous times, then she’s either a)stupid or b)cruel. You need to stand up for yourself, with Mr. Cazzle by your side. Bring over your own meal, ask to show her how to make delicious recipes that you can eat, invite her over to your place to eat, or avoid the meal altogether and just show up for coffee and dessert.

Your MIL sounds like a right bitch and there is no reason to make yourself sick just to please her. She’s certainly not trying on her end.

13

Agreed!

Don’t eat it! If she asks why, tell her that it makes you sick… explain in detail, and (optional, depending on your situation) remind her that you have told her BEFORE. Stand up for yourself.

BTW, I’m with you… there are some things that I just can’t eat, and people who know that simply ignore it and cook/order whatever they want. Pisses me off to no end!

14

Well I know what I would do faced with repeated failure to acknowledge my food allergies. I’d wait until we were all seated at the breakfast table, politely reiterate my relevant food intolerances, get up and announce "Please don’t worry about me, but I’m extremely hungry so I’ll be having breakfast at the IHOP and will return shortly. " That will give everyone something to talk about and MIL will be sure to remember next time.

15

P.S. Make sure Mr. Cazzle goes with you to IHOP.

16

I feel your pain. I recently moved in with my best friend, and he HATES it when I ask what’s in food that he/his family prepares. I have tried explaining several times that I am allergic to certain things, and that I have to be careful. So what does he say about that?

“You’re not allergic, you just don’t want to try new things.” :rolleyes:

My other favorite quote of his is “well, you should do like So-and-So does. He keeps eating things he’s allergic to in order to build a tolerance.”

Well, the last time I ate something with feta cheese in it, I ended up in the hospital for 6 hours. And red wine does the same thing! Why can’t people understand that there are certain things people CANNOT EAT??!?

The only advice I can give you, cazzle, is when you are ignored, ignore them right back. Make sure when you receive the dinner invite to reiterate your food problems. Offer to help prepare something, or to bring along something to share that you can eat. Then, if they prepare something you can’t eat, just sit. When they ask you why aren’t you eating, tell them, “well, it seems that everything here has something in it I can’t eat, so I’ll just wait until I get home.”

17

Perhaps you could offer to bring a dish to suplement the dinner (or don’t offer, just do it). Then, if the other items are inedible, you at least have your own item as a fall back.

I have a former friend (not former because of this) that would consistantly invite me for dinner, and then prepare meals with bacon, ground beef, pork of all descriptions, etc. etc. In EVERY dish. Even though when I invited her over I was careful to prepare everything without any sort of dairy. Conclusion - she’s an incosiderate jerk, and I’m not. Not much I can do about it, except bring a dish of my own that I can eat, or not have dinner there anymore. I chose the latter - perhaps you could consider the former.

As an aside, once with the aforementioned friend, she handed me a samosa to eat saying that it was ok - nothing in it I didn’t eat: feta, spinatch, BACON. (Apparently, bacon is no longer pork.) I spat it out. On her kitchen floor. In front of all her guests. Gross? Yes. Inappropriate? Probably. Did she get the picture? Oh yes.

18

While I don’t wish to defend the MIL, it seems awfully likely that she doesn’t take your food sensitivities seriously because you always eat the food anyway. If you’re telling her one thing and actually doing another, no wonder it doesn’t sink in.

I agree with the other folks – saying no IS an option. If you want to soften it, suggest dinner at your place instead.

19

I agree with everyone else who says bring your own food. I have hypoglycemia which makes me need to watch my carbohydrate (read: soda) intake - if I didn’t bring club soda with me everywhere I go, I would be stuck drinking only water all night. I can’t expect everybody to stock up on club soda so I can have a drink - I just bring it with me, and nobody cares. (Some of my family and friends have got the idea anyway, and have club soda available just for me. That is the mark of a good hostess, IMO.)

20

[[While I don’t wish to defend the MIL, it seems awfully likely that she doesn’t take your food sensitivities seriously because you always eat the food anyway.]]

This is what I was going to say, so since it’s been said, I’ll just agree.