Another Disney flop: Emperor's New Groove has DOOM written all over it...

In My Humble Opinion
1

…judging by the newspaper ad in today’s Chicago Tribune. I’ve always maintained that you can tell ahead of time just how bad a movie’s going to be, by the people who give it glowing reviews in the newspaper ads. If it’s people you’ve never heard of, then it’s going to be a stinker.

Gonna go out on a limb here and predict that this will NOT prove to be the mega-hit that Disney so desperately needs, based solely on the “Starts Tomorrow” ads. An extraordinarily high percentage of “who?” people in this list.

*“One of the funniest films of the year.” – Audrey Hutti, NBC-TV/St. Louis

“Flat-out hilarious!” – Bill Bregoli, Westwood One Radio

“Completely fun! Completely fresh. A holiday must-see.” – Teri Hart, The Movie Network, Toronto

“All ages will have a belly-aching good time!” – Janice Bangs, NBC-TV/Portland

“A laugh a minute!” – Jeanne Wolf, Jeanne Wolf’s Hollywood

“Hip, sassy and hilarious!” – Richard Reid, Northwest Cable News/Seattle

“The emperor rules! Leaves you laughing all the way home.” – Mark S. Allen, UPN-TV/Sacramento

“Perfect family entertainment! Every bit as enjoyable for parents as for kids.” – Jeff Craig, Sixty Second Preview*

Oh, woo, the TV critic in Portland liked it, I’m gonna rush right out and drop 40 bucks on tickets. Who ARE these people? Conspicuous by its absence is any contribution by Roger Ebert, or indeed any mainstream critic. Evidently THEY all went to see Quills instead. Lucky SOBs. [insert green-with-envy smilie]

2

Hey…the movie has a llama in it. It can’t be all bad. But seriously, Disney movies have been going downhill since The Lion King (which is on my list of all time favorite movies).

3

What so-called fairytale are they screwing up now?

4

Well in its defense, a lot of mainstream critics, Ebert included, don’t normally review movies before they hit the theaters.

5

Reputable reviews of the movie do not hit until the Friday papers - as in the day the movie comes out. Note that I do not include the entertainment columnists for Time, Newsweek and Entertainment Weekly in this category.

Quote whores, to use the Ebert term, have their little paid advertising lines ready ahead of time for the pre-release ads.

Just do what many of us do - wait for the reputable reviews. Personally, I’m willing to give the movie a chance. It looks like it could be a nice bit of light entertainment.

6

Hmmmm… Me, David Spade, and a BFG in a maze of twisty passages, all alike…

I LIKE IT!!!

Do I get to use the rocket launcher and the double barrelled shotgun on him too? What about the Llama- how many hits from a shotgun? Are there invisible llamas too- the ones that mess with you in the dark and you have to fire wildly to kill them?

7

No, no, no… This is what happens when Disney tries to write an original story instead of bastardizing classic literature, fairy tales or history.

8

The collection of reviews for The Emperor’s New Groove at rotten-tomatoes.com show an overwhelmingly positive buzz. , I have found that these reviews are usually a good predictor of what the mainstream critics will say. Make of it what you will.

9

Don’t forget the big cyberdemon at the end and the easter egg arch vile with the Mickey Mouse ears.

10

Y’know, I was gonna come in here to make fun of the movie, but the exact second I began typing, a commercial for Dude, Where’s My Car? came on, and I immediately thought, “With competition like this, The Emperor’s New Groove will make more money than Titanic.”

11

Hey, I’m going to go see it tomorrow at a matinee.
Why? Because David Spade, personal assistant problems aside, is one of the funniest snarky guys out there, and this looks really good. Big stolid John Goodman, and bitter little self-aggrandizing bitchy David Spade trading quips? Sure!
Pkus which, llamas! Llamas rock!
BTW, the preview had myself, my wife, and the five other people we were with (jaded, bitter film snobs) in hysterics when it came out.
Then again, my fav. movie’s The Marriage of Maria Braun, so my taste is not to be trusted.

12

The New York Times gave it a good review today.

13

This movie will bite just because of David Spade. He used to be kind of funny, but just kind of. Pair him with someone funny, and he makes a pretty good straight man. On his own he is just flat-out bad. I’ve watched Just Shoot Me once, just to give it a chance. Well, chance given and I’ll never watch it again.

In short, I agree, this movie is going to blow.

14

Yeah, I can see why people should wait for the reputable reviewers, cuz since they’re famous, their opinions mean more and all. Plus, we wouldn’t want to decide for ourselves or anything, that would be like . . . thinking or something.

You ever think that maybe you hadn’t heard of these reviewers cuz you don’t live in those cities? Just an idea.

15

My kids, from seeing the commercials, are dying to see it. Tho I, from seeing same commercials, can’t figure out what the fuck the thing is supposed to be about. When I ask the kids, they do not have any idea either, but they know they really want to see it.

Gotta hand it to Disney for knowing its target demo.

Wilmington in the Trib gave it 2 stars. Which is prety low for his inflated scale.

16

Sorry, Crunchy, that’s not it at all. No one’s ever heard about these guys because some of them are basically paid flacks for the studios. I think it has been said at one time or another that you can guarantee a movie is bad if Jeff Craig gives it a review. I think the same can be said of Richard Reid. The legitimate ones are usually either booster types or relative film illiterates or people who are new to their jobs. Normally, when a studio has confidence in its film, it will let it open without all of these “reviews” and let the critics at it. Then, on Friday and over the weekend, you’ll notice a change in the reviews with Leonard Maltin saying something, or Roger Ebert, or even glarg Michael Medved.

That said, it is a good idea to think for yourself. But with thousands of movies being released a year, you gotta have some idea where to spend your bucks. If, like some people, you only see one or two movies a year, you want it to be worth it.

17

The SDMB’s own Cervaise addresses the issue of “quote whores” on his website in this feature. Worth reading.

As far as the movie itself, Ebert compares it favorably to Chuck Jones-style cartoons. Good enough for me.

18

Here’s what I’ve read and heard about this movie:[list=1]
[li]Originally titled Kingdom of the Sun[/li][li]Plot was originally a re-working of The Prince and the Pauper set in the Incan Empire of South America[/li][li]Sting wrote six songs for the movie[/li][li]Ran into some production troubles, Disney execs got nervous, and The Prince and the Pauper plot was scrapped in favor of a “buddy” film instead[/li][li]Musical numbers were cut, leaving only an opening song and a closing song[/li][li]Title was changed to The Emperor’s New Groove[/li][/list=1]
Doesn’t look too promising.

Here’s a site that gives a pretty good run down of what happened with the film.

19

Why do people think David Spade will not be funny in a cartoon? David spade isn’t WRITING the cartoon! He just does the voice. There isn’t much you can do with voice acting regarding whether or not your jokes are funny. Just change the timing, that’s all you can really do. I wouldn’t judge a comedian by something they didn’t even write.

20

By the by, I did some digging, and Roger Ebert refers to quote whores as “Benevolent Blurbsters,” as noted in his Movie Glossary book. James Berardinelli either refers to them as “Quote Whores” or “Ad Whores;” I’ve found varying information on that.