So I met this girl in March and we got on quite well. Started off as e-mails and then we sent letters and made phone calls.
Met her for first time in May and spent some time with her family. Our birthdays are 3 days different and over Bank Holiday Weekend so we did various things together. I helped her a lot cos she was very shy and spent most of her time in her room watching TV and hadn’t many friends. We’ve been in contact quite a lot over the summer. She then met a lad off the Net who was closer to her age and they became a bit of an item. Fair enough. Then she was planning to marry him and move in with him. Eek! Bit early, but still. We were still friends even though she was now determined he was the love of her life.
Tonight she was on Net. First time in ages. So I was chatting her. Started off OK but then when I asked what she wanted for Christmas she said she didn’t want anything. And she didn’t want me to contact her again. Then she says she never like me as a friend and never will. The whole thing has been a joke. She says she hated me from the start. And yet numerous times I got phone calls from her cos she was upset or soemthing was wrong and she was crying.
I told her secrets about me. I told her about my Aspergers so she knew in case I upset her. I was prepared to be there for her any time. And then I told her how friends in the past had said theyd been my friends and then said the whole thing was a joke.
She promised she’d never do anything like that. Did it exactly the same. Another best friend gone. I give up. I’m not having any more friends if they treat me like that.
I’m tired of being screwed like this. There must be a cliff somewhere for me to walk off 
Is it possible that someone else was logged in as your friend? I’ve seen this happen before. Some people think the oddest things are funny.
It’s her new email.Her pic.There’s stuff there that only she knows.
I’m hoping she’s just in a bad mood. Apparently she’s left home too. Thats what she says
Wow Iceland … sorry to hear that. I think this girl/woman obviously has problems bigger than being a bad friend. I’m sorry she hurt you and betrayed the trust you placed in her.
Call her and find out what happened. It’s possible that she walked away from her machine while logged in and someone else took over. I work at a University computer department and I have seen people do this exact thing - even down to the wording. As a friend you owe her the trust that she did not say those things.
If she DID say those things then forget her. No bad mood could justify such hostility.
Iceland, remember - it’s them, not you. It seems I’m my SO’s one true friend, may you find yours ASAP.
Either someone got to her account or is messing with her account, or she’s simply not normal.
There is no way—no way—that anything remotely resembling a human being would do that to you. No way. So either it’s some asshole messing with her account, or she’s some seriously whacked twisted hell-beast.
People suck sometimes, I’m the first person to admit to that. But they’re not all this bad. Don’t give up on humankind just yet.
Man, that sucks.
You tried to be a true friend and then someone does THAT. Not just saying “it’s over”, which is tough, but maneageble. But what she did is so mean! Saying “what you thought we had, we never had”. I’ve had it done to me in the past and it is shitty. It retroactively spoils the entire friendship, the entire trust in the other, and in your own judgement (“did I imagine ALL of it, then?”). I hate that.
The guy who pulled that trick on me did it when I was in similar cicumstances as you. He and I were still friends, in the aftermath of a passionate relationship that had lasted four months. He started seeing a new GF and seemed really serious about her. Of course I was okay with that. I had assumed he woudl drift away from me, but I had not believed it would go so suddenly and in such an hostile manner.
From one week to another, he started sounding different on the phone. He even talked differently. The intimacy was gone, he felt like a stranger. He acted like I had harmed him. He siad things like your GF said to you, that I had just used him. When only weeks before he spontaneously told me he had never been so much in love as he had been with me.
His behaviour left me hurt and puzzled to the core.
I’ve tried to explain his behaviour to myself, later.
At that time, he was securing a new relationship with another girl. I think she got jealous and felt threatened by his friendship with me. I think she forced him to sever all ties with me. It wasn’t enough that he didn’t see me anymore. He also must not have been in love with me. It’s quite possible that he was faced with the choice between committing character assasination on me and our time together, or face his GF’s hurt and anger.
Given that this guy was sort of a weak character, eager to please, really in love with his new GF, and practical enough to see that I was the stronger of the three AND would be of no further use to him, it’s not surprising he chose to deny he and I ever had something worthwile.
But it still sucked. :mad:
Hmm, I’m thinking that either you pissed her off (think back, coz you never know what pisses off a girl :rolleyes: ), or she’s heard something bad (rumor) about you that makes her want to disassociate herself from you.
Acck, either way, I’m sure you’ll sort this out with her.
She might even think that you have a thing for her, and she’s trying to let you know?
I’m sorry to hear that! People suck sometimes.
It sounds like her new relationship is what is causing this crazy change in behavior. She’s thrown herself into a new relationship with a violent fervor and it might make her feel more legitimate in her actions if she negates any other relationships she has (friendships included). It might make her present whirlwind seem all the more wonderous and beneficial.
You mentioned she was rather shy. Well self-confidence might not be her forte and it could be her new beau speaking through her in order to make himself feel better. She could have capitulated - giving up a friendship to keep a relationship.
I’ve experienced it myself and it stinks. I’m really sorry Iceland_Blue (((HUG)))
That does suck, Iceland.
I don’t have anything else to say here, except that life (and maybe your friendship with her?) will get better. Things always do.
I think Maastricht and MsPrufrock hit the nail on the head, IMO. I really think it’s the new beau sounding off at you through her, a typical insecure move. No human being can just turn on and shut off emotions like a tap - if they do, they were never, ever worth your time.
It’s still sad, and still hard to cope with. We’re not all bad people, **Iceland_Blue ** - we still like you. big hugs
Among other possibilities (so diverse that speculation is probably actually pointless), it may be that her boyfriend/fiancé has demanded she cut herself off or something.
Finally managed to get through to her. Which I was a bit worried about doing as she’d said not to contact her again or she’d get the police. Turns out it was her new boyfriend using the account. I’m glad it wasn’t her, but now I’m seeing her stuck with someone who’d do this sort of thing. She’s madly in love with him but this just shows what sort of person he is. He’s quite possessive apparently but warning off guys chasing after her is one thing. I’ve known her long before him came along (well a good 4 months or so) and I’m a friend of the family so if there’s any problems then it’s her or her family who can come and complain.
Glad I haven’t lost a friend, but now I’ve got to deal with this guy and the fact that she knows he’s doing this.
She wants to marry him and move in together. That’s really worrying. Then he’ll have access to all her mail, phone calls etc etc.
And she’s only in her teens. Not old enough to marry him I think. Especially a guy like this.
Isn’t it so sad when people get pulled into things like this? My friend just told me a few hours ago about his ex-gf, the love of his life, who is now 21 and engaged to a just-turned-18 engineer who physically abuses her. I feel so sad for the people who are blinded by love to the extent where they can go through shit like this and still love the person. :eek: It brings me to the verge of tears, really.
And at least I know now she hadn’t told him to do it. But now she wants me not to tell him that I know it’s him and not her. Her deciding that she doesn’t want to talk to me any more is one thing. Him deciding for her is another. Fortunately he’s in Scunthorpe and she’s in Nottingham, so I shall just carrying on writing and phoning her as before. If she doesn’t want me to any more then I’ll sort that out with her. If he doesn’t want me to then thats his problem.
Thanks for the hugs. I feel a bit better now. I was not cheerful at 10 o’clock at night after a day travelling and then going to stay the night with friends who already have problems(their son is being bullied at school and has now got depression…he’s 9…).This I did NOT need…
My first thought was it might be her new boyfriend trying to cut her off from all other men. It does happen and it’s not a good sign, especially given the vehemence of the language. Iceland_Blue, my lad, you may lose this friendship.
Would it help if I told you there will be others? I don’t have full Asperger’s, but I do have a shy and antisocial streak, and making friends still doesn’t come easily to me in some situations. It does get better and easier, though, and a new relationship doesn’t have to change everything.
Here’s a hug if you need one.
CJ
Thanxx. It’s bad enough trying to make new friends with the Aspie’s. When friends do this to you, it makes it even worse. And since Aspie’s mainly affects guys, there aren’t many girls there who know what it’s like…
Now that is interesting. I had a friend with a problem like that. Her ex-boyfriend used to make her delete any male friends from her ICQ, messenger etc… list. So whenever she wanted to talk to anyone, she would have to add them again.
At least it wasn’t as bad as yours (although I probably wouldn’t put it past him). Wow, isn’t it just scary how possessive some people get?
At least she’s not the problem, that’s a good sign.
Maybe this will help.