Take a look at all your spouse or SO particularly where you and your partner were in serious painful dispute or one of you hurt the other emotionally with the wrong choice of words. Ignore infidelities for the purpose of this poll.
Who in your relationship is quickest to put the pain behind them, forgive and forget ? The man or the woman ?
Me for sure - the woman in the relationship. I get over stuff really fast, while my husband can dwell on things for what seems like ever. It sometimes causes a side argument because I get upset that he’s taking so long to get over something and sometimes say so.
In over ten years, I don’t think we’ve ever both been angry more than 4 hours after the incident, and there haven’t been many incidents, so it’s hard to answer the poll. I think he probably gets over stuff a little quicker than I do, but it’s a matter of minutes, not days. This is what a liberal arts education is good for: we rock at having a Long Boring Conversation and getting everything resolved.
We don’t really argue - we may have differences of opinion but the get discussed rationally, not angrily. You don’t have a choice for never argue.
[We are both similar in temperment - long slow fuses. It takes a lot to actually get either of us pissed off, but once we are pissed it can get very nasty and violent. Understanding ourselves is probably why we have always just discussed things instead of arguing.]
Hubby is the first to lash out, but also the first to forgive. I will forgive, but I will never forget. I won’t use it against him, but damned if he ever tries it again.
What I’m finding interesting so far and admitted the sample is small, but there does appear to be some perception bias assuming the results should be the same for female and male posters. Clearly though it appears I’m right in thinking women hold out a longer than men to their negative feelings.