Another question for the owners/adminstrators of this board: Replacement Cecil

About This Message Board
1

It’s come to my attention that Cecil doesn’t post here very often. This has been attributed to the fact that A) He’s a techophobe when it comes to computers, B) He’s a misanthrope or C) He’s too freakin’ busy jet-setting around the world stamping out ignorance.

I, therefore, humbly offer myself up in one of two capacities:

Either as

A) A Replacement Cecil: Fire him, hire me. The benefits are amazing as I’m NOT a misanthrope, I can ‘glad-hand’ with th’ best of 'em and I promise not to drive any editors to the brink of dispair.

My many public appearances as The Replacement Cecil will certainly bring in vast quantities of revenue for The Chicago Reader, (which would certainly trickle down ([sub]bribe[/sub]) to the Admins and the Mods of this Board!) There is but one drawback to this plan: Cecil’s the world’s smartest man, and I’m not. Hell, I’ll be honest. I’m not even in the top 20. But I have a plan! We get me a couple o’ university research departments, some select posters (Anthracite on Energy/Science issues, Wring on social/prison issues, Scylla on Amish issues, SPOOFE on BO Diddlies, Esprix on Asian issues, and so on: maybe 50 in all) and lock 'em in a basement somewhere. When I get stumped on a question, they can feed me the answer through a hidden earplug, just like Peter Poppoff. Problem solved.

If, however, the Powers that Be decline this great opportunity, or decide that there’d be too much bloodshed from trying to remove Cecil from his position of power, I’ve got a second thought:

B) I could be the Voice of Cecil on the Board. Just like the Metatron in the Bible, I’d be Cecil’s official Spokeposter. I’d be able to greet newbies in his name, make stunning pronouncements when speaking Ex-Cathedra (so to speak), in all: I’d stir up controversy and good will whenever I posted. This would benefit both Cecil AND The Chicago Reader.

These are just a few of the concrete benefits that you would have if you made me either the Replacement Cecil or the Board’s Official Voice of Cecil[sup]tm[/sup]

Fenris, Cecil II

2

This is really just a bid to get him to talk to you, isn’t it? :wink:

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I get dibs on the basement office w/a window…

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Can I be your Dutch translator?

** :o)**

*is my nose brown enough? *

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I get it! concrete (and his many forms) was one of our most infamous sockpuppeteers. Hence, by offering “concrete” benefits, Fenris must want to be Cecil Adams’s sockpuppet!

OK, if I’m wrong, let me be the SDMB’s resident cricketing expert. I’ll even work as an intern, it may help me get that gig on CricInfo…

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Hell, Wolfie, Cecil already has some of us locked in a basement somewhere. Let us out and give us chocolate (or in my case, single-malt Scotch) and maybe we can talk.

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Spotted a typo there, hon - shouldn’t that read ‘200,000’?

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Arden: [sub]maybe[/sub]
wring: Mmmmm…ok.
Kase: Ok and yes.
Duke: Wrong and ok
Colibri: No. In the basement you stay. We’ll talk about the chocolate and the booze after I see how well you do.
coosa: No. The number I gave was correct.

What? You think I’m gonna give with the long-winded answers before they make me Replacement Cecil (or Voice of Cecil)?

Fenris, Cecil-To-Be

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I’m sorry, but the last thing we need is a bunch of Cecil-wannabes and proto-Cecils running around mucking up the place. The world is filled with billions of people who aren’t Cecil–there is no need for more of them. And for even entertaining the thought, I think certain individuals should have to spend some time in the time-out corner.

I am guided by the words which Unca Cece perhaps has never explicitly said, but has always implicitly commanded: “I am your Cecil. You shall have no other cecils before me”.

So say twenty “Hail Cecils”, and go and sin no more.

10

Hmph. See if I help you out when you get questions about caterpillar sex and butt-breathing turtles.

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Have you no shame, boy?

Not only do you think you can replace The Master, you then proceed to choose a Dutch translator whose screen name is the German word for “cheese”. My lord, you need all the translation you can get.

May Cecil have mercy on your soul.

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I vote for Fenris - Cecil II! Because…errmmm…it will help provide a use for Roman numerals? Because he’s the real Slim Shady? Because…because he looks stunning in a Kaga jacket?

Hell…there are so many reasons that Fenris should be Cecil II, maybe it’s easier to list reasons why Fenris should not be Cecil II. :slight_smile:

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Hey, I know more than just Bo Diddlies… I’m the resident Star Wars nerd. In fact, I will venture to say that I know more about the fictional Star Wars universe than Cecil himself.

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Soooo…you’re saying that you know more about Star Wars than you know about the the microsopic bit of knowledge world’s greatest recluse has chosen to share? Hell, I know more about nuclear energy than I do about 3d century macrame. But I’d still blow us all to hell if I got near a power plant!

How, exactly is that a plus for my campaign. Just read what the speech writers tell you. 'kay?

Anth, for that stunning bit of support, you also get a corner basement office with windows.

Coldie: I figured you could be my Clog expert. But hey, if you don’t want the job…

Whitetho: no cabinet post for you.

Fenris, Cecil II

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Corner office? there were CORNER offices available?

and may I point out that I bumped this little sucker out of oblivian??

hmmm???

Not to mention all of the other inducements, nudge nudge wink wink knowwhaddimean ???

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wring y’get whatcha ask for: you wanted a basement room wit’ windows, you got one.

SPOOFE: My people unmangled your syntax and so, yeah: you c’n be our resident expert on Star Wars AND bo Diddlies. But next time, don’t surprise the speech-writers, okay?

Fenris, Cecil II

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If we’re gonna talk about screen names…

Coldfire = koudvuur in Dutch. AKA Gangrene :slight_smile:

I mean…You’d rather be helped by an innocent piece of cheese, right?

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Sorry, buckaroo, but these speech-writers you hired are too pansy-ass for my taste (for example, they don’t like to use the word “buckaroo”). In fact, fire them all, and institue ME as the speech-writer. You think you get some zingers in now? Boy, just wait 'til you get SPOOFE’s brain behind your mouth… you’ll tear the world a new one.

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Now THERE’S an image I won’t soon be able to forget.

Groucho Fenris, Cecil II

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Fenris - Cecil’s Metatron. I like it!