Another Right-Wing Email Forward

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

               We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of  America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

               Here is a model separation agreement:

               Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

               We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

               We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and  Hollywood . 

               You can make nice with  Iran and  Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. 

                    When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

               We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 

               We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every  Volkswagon you can find. 

               We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. 

               We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. 

               Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you  which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. 

                            Sincerely, 

               John J. Wall

  Law Student and an American 

               P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.
2

Hey, it’s pointlessly inflammatory and blatantly incorrect separatist rhetoric! Worthy of Rush Limbaugh at his middle.

3

They can call the new conservative country New Dixie. There will be separate water fountains and a lynching every Friday. Yeehaw!

4

Why don’t they ever want to split it up by red state/blue state?

5

Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda? What is he, still living in the 70s?

6

Or better yet - congressional districts or by county. Sure, the Republicans get all our natural wonders and farmland (and Texas), but their GNP drops down to a fraction of what it is now. You can try selling us wheat at 10x the price, but we’ll just buy it from Canada (along with our prescription medicine).

7

Much of the Midwest is represented by Democrats in the House, so we wouldn’t need to buy wheat anyway.

8

That sounds a bit different than when I first saw it: Open Letter to the Red States.

9

I must be super-liberal. I read that and thought “Sounds good! When do we start?”

10

My reaction is:
You forgot your usual catch-phrase, “America - love it or leave it!”. Be careful that door doesn’t slam you on your ass on the way out.
Of course, that begs the question - where are people like him supposed to go now? Canada sure as hell doesn’t want him - nor does 99% of Europe. I suppose they might find a niche in certain parts of the old Eastern European countries.

11

This guy’s a law student? This sounds more like Charlie Daniels’ brand of bullshit.

12

I always tend to wonder whether these sorts of screeds, whether from the left or the right, are actually written by the other side, and distributed around the other side simply as agitprop.

13

Yeah; this guy is so unconvincing that I kind of agree with him. :eek:

14

That was my first thought, as well. It’s like a caricature of both sides, a little too ridiculous to be believed. Maybe a POE of a sort? Surely no one could be that ignorant of the way nation-states work, especially not a “law student” snerk.

15

Are you joking?

I love the Battle Hymn of the Republic…

16

From Lincoln’s first inaugural.

17

Sigh.

joke
  /dʒoʊk/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [johk] Show IPA noun, verb, joked, jok⋅ing.
–noun

  1. something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement, as a witticism, a short and amusing anecdote, or a prankish act: He tells very funny jokes. She played a joke on him.
    Personally, I got a good laugh out of it. I’m sorry you didn’t.
18

Sorry, the minority doesn’t get to dictate the dissolution of the union. I think he should just suck it up and pout. Publicly is my preference. If we lived through 8 years of * he can make it through 4 years of Obama. And if he can’t, well, I’m sure he’ll do his best.

19

Dear American conservatives, right-wingers, etc.

I have read your proposal, and, much as it saddens me to read it, if you feel it must be this way, then so be it. However, I would like to discuss the terms you’ve proposed.

Since red states receive more federal tax dollars than blue states, that sounds fair enough to me. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind keeping the money we’ve been sending you.

Personally, I have no objection to guns, just war, or the military. However, if you feel you want to take them, you may, provided you also take those gun collectors who promote armed rebellion and, in particular, the gentleman who shot three policemen in Pittsburgh a couple of months ago and the man who killed an Army recruiter down South a few months ago. We do, however, reserve the right to defend ourselves.

Certainly. We’ll be even be happy to lease the vehicle to you so you can use it to haul around Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly.

Given the way they’ve gotten us into the current economic mess, you’re welcome to them. Without the pharmaceutical industry’s insistence on protecting their record profits, perhaps we can work out a way for people to actually afford the drugs they use to ensure their health. It might also give us a chance to redirect corporate greed so that CEOs don’t earn ridiculous salaries and bonuses while cutting jobs and sending them overseas. Who knows? Without Wall-Mart forcing suppliers to sell them goods for so little they can’t afford to pay American workers, perhaps we’ll even get the manufacturing sector back. However, I’m afraid we’re not interested in keeping most of the homeboys, hippies, or illegal aliens. With fewer restrictions on what corporations can do and your insistence on lower prices and lower taxes whatever the cost, though, you may need the illegal aliens more than we do.

[quote]
We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s and rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

[quote]

Around here, we don’t need hockey moms – we’ve got hockey players and the Stanley Cup! I don’t think the local rednecks are willing to move, either, and they want to keep their guns for deer-hunting season. You’re welcome to the CEOs; in return, we’ll take entrepreneurs who are willing to try out new technologies and create new jobs off your hands.

Oh good! I’m looking forward to seeing you take on North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and China. In the meantime, we’ll pursue a policy of keeping American safe by not indulging in deliberately provocative actions that make more people inclined to threaten us. Why yes, I am speaking of the invasion of Iraq. When pursuing foreign policy objectives, we’ll take a look at the long term implications of them so that perhaps in future we won’t do things such as overthrowing the government of Iran or supporting the Taliban.

I see no reason why this should be divided. It’s something we both can do.

I don’t blame you – you may find money’s a bit tight. As for the Judeo-Christian values, I’d like to negotiate that further and clarify a few things. You see, according to my reading of the Bible in general and the Gospels in particular, Judeo-Christian values as listed it call for caring for the poor, the sick, the homeless, the hungry, and widows and orphans, as well as loving God. That’s traditionally been our specialty, and we’d like to continue doing that. However, there’s certainly no way we can stop you from doing that, too. There’s also something about visiting those in prison, and, since you have more people in prison, I’d be very happy for you to do that, although we’ll continue to do that, too. However, since greed is decried and considered a vice in the Bible, I’m not sure how those CEOs you’re keeping will feel about being forced to live by those values. If you’re including the sanctity of marriage in Judeo-Christian values, terrific! When can we expect to see laws outlawing divorce in your country?

You’re welcome to them! Frankly, I find them a bit expensive to buy and run, given the cost of gas, but that’s just me. Instead, I’d rather spend my money on paying off the mortgage, saving for retirement, and planting a vegetable garden. What can I say? I’m a typical, hippy liberal, but at least my car’s paid off. Of course, we’re keeping Detroit, so we’ll have to discuss tariffs on the sale of such things, but I assure you we’ll be as reasonable as you are.

So long as we get to keep John Sousa and Aaron Campbell, that’s fine with me. Of course, you do realize that The Battle Hymn of the Republic was written in support of the North during the Civil War. As for the Star-Spangled Banner, it’s an old drinking song. If you can produce one person who can sing it straight and well as written, making us feel the emotion of not knowing if an American fort had survived an attack, you can have it. America the Beautiful is a better song and easier to sing.

I’m afraid that since trickle-down economics seems to have resulted in trickle-up poverty, based on what I’ve seen about the size of the gap between the rich and the poor, I don’t think it’s possible to separate them. On the other hand, since trickle-down economics has led to that gap widening, you’re welcome to it.

I’m sorry, we’d rather keep them. My country, her name, and her flag don’t offend me, only what some people do in the name of them. You’re welcome to continue to pledge your allegiance to the flag; I’d rather pledge mine directly to my country, the Unites States of America. This country was founded on marvelous, high-minded ideals, including those of liberty and justice for all, and I like her heritage and her history too much to let them go.

You’re on!
Siege, legal immigrant, ceneterist, and proud American

That’s my best shot at a reply, but I know it’s nowhere near as good as what some people here could write. Please do improve on this for me.

20

Looks like they won’t get any sports champions at all. Pittsburgh (NFL/NHL) Philadelphia (MLB), and LA/Orlando (NBA) are all in the blue states! Nope, no big time college champions either as North Carolina and Florida both went blue as well.