Ahhh… the classic lightbulb jokes. And easy to do, to! I got these in the mail today:
HOW MANY CHURCH MEMBERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?
A) Charismatics - Only one: Hands already in the air.
B) Roman Catholics - none. They use candles.
C) Pentecostals - Ten. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of
darkness.
D) Presbyterians - None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and
off.
E) Episcopalians - eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how
much they like the old one better
.
F) Mormons - five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him
how to do it.
G) Unitarians - We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have
found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write
a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your
light bulb. You may present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday
service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions. These
will include candescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted all of
which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
H) Baptists - at least fifteen. One to change the bulb, and two or three
committees to approve the change. Oh, and a casserole.
I) Lutherans - Change?!?!?!?!
So anyway - today’s game: NEW JOKES!! Add your own - make fun off new and different groups!
I saw this version on the bulletin board at Grace Episcopal Cathedral here in Topeka, where I am a member.
How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Change? Why change? My GRANDMOTHER gave the church that lightbulb!
There was also a cartoon I wish I had got a copy of. Two older looking, rather cranky seeming priests are having a converstion and one says “Since when did WOMEN ever have a role in the church?” The kicker is that they are standing right in front of a big stained glass window that shows Mary and Child!
Ah, somewhere I clipped the all-time classic of this genre, written by Ian Shoales of the infamous Duck’s Breath Mystery Theater. I will paraphrase it here, in an extremely condensed form:
How many Deconstructivists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Even the asking of that question invokes a matrix of assumptions about the value of labor, phallocentrism, and enlightenment.
How many politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four. Three to assure the public that all their resources are being used for the solution of the problem while the other one tries to screw the bulb into a water faucet.
How many jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
“Never mind. . . I’ll just sit here, alone . . . in the dark. . . ruining my eyes by reading.”
How many Californians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Silly, Californians screw in hot tubs, not light bulbs.
How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, the other to assume the ladder.
Q: How many Palm Beach County voters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None of them can find the right hole!
Q: How many [insert rival college/university here] graduates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but 600 applied for the job!
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The party of the first part, herein after designated as “lawyer,” shall enter into a contract with the party of the second part, herein after referred to…