Ants!

The BBQ Pit
1

Argh goddamnit all over me stinging burning hurting I’m on fire agrgh aaaaa!!!

I’m now pretty much covered with little blisters. Each one of them feels like that one part of me is on fire.

Sometimes, you get mixed up in a bad situation…

The police tell you to sit down, you do so. Must not have been more than two or three minutes… But it was enough.

I explained that I was being eaten and on fire, and a very cool deputy let me run inside to get a gallon of fresh water to pour everywhere.

I’m still on fire. Gonna be a vodka and benadryl night.

2

You were arrested by the police and they made you sit on a fire-ant anthill?

3

No. I chose to sit were ants were 'cause that’s what a smart person does when the police tell everyone to get down. Beats getting shot.

4

This is like talking to my mother where every story has to be extracted from her piece by piece even though she initiated the telling of the story. It’s a bit tiresome.

5

Ants. Ants!

Being covered with them sucks.

That’s my complaint: Getting a zillion ant bites is a bad thing, and I wish it hadn’t happened to me. I hate being covered with ant bites. It sucks, and I’ll probably have scars from scratching everywhere.

What do you want to hear? I wasn’t arrested, the cops were really cool.

6

Why the hell the police told you to get down, and were apparently willing to shoot you. That’s what I want to know.

7

I just wanted to pit the ants.

8

Ok, you’re my Mom.

9

Then why in the hell would you bring up the stuff with the cops? That’s way more interesting!
It’d be like me starting a pitting for getting a cut, and when somebody asks me why I got a cut, I tell them I was underwater knife-fighting with Steven Seagal, and then refusing to answer questions! I mean, if you don’t want to say, that’s fine, but why would you dangle that story in front of us, and then refuse to tell us about it?

10

Fine.
I am married to a crazy person. Crazy things happen. Sometimes really bad things happen.
Sometimes, nothing happens, but I get 1,000,000,000 ant bites.

11

Just wanted so say how freaking funny that was. Good stuff.

And to the OP: Either tell us what issue with the cop was about or I will never be able to take you seriously again.

12

I always figured cop commands to “Get down on the ground!” had unique repercussions in fire ant country. But on “Cops” they never show this, or pursuits into brush breaking up when officers and felons start shrieking and pawing at themselves because they disturbed a fire ant mound.

13

Fire ant stings suck. I thought I had a sting on my ear but it turned out that it was just a friction burn from a passing bullet.

Yessiree Bob, then friction burns can sure fool you.

14

Say no more, Darth. I remember your troubles from earlier this year and you don’t owe us an explanation. Sucks about the ant bites, though. We have biting ants in Arizona and I’ve experienced some, but not all over the body.

15

Yep, I remember too. I would say that at least the vodka and benadryl should send you to la-la-land long enough to let you rest from other troubles as well.

Stupid fire ants. Ouch.