My wife of 9 years was recently unfaithful. The details hurt a bit to relate but to sum it up it was short, she says she ended it after I found out, she says it was because she’s bored, feels like she doesnt have a chance to be herself. Were going to counselling which helps for a time but I get heartsick in between (one every two week, only gone twice) visits. We have a little boy, by the way.
There’s a lot to fix and I know you folks would have good advice. But what I could really use to help me when I am alone is a book on how to deal with this, to give me ideas and help me sort this out. The thing is I’ve searched Amazon and whatnot and there’s a million books. Web sites are short and usually link to books for sale. It’s hard to tell which books are good and which are bad and I bet most are bad.
What are the very best books on the subject for a husband who needs to deal with this situation?
I’m sorry Tootin’, that really sucks. I went through something similar years ago with a live-in girlfriend of 8 years. We did not have a kid and we were not married, so it’s not really the same, but I can say it was one of the most painful experiences in my life… I don’t know of any helpful books, but I can say that getting individual counselling though this period was extremely helpful and is probably one of the best things you can do.
My husband and I went through a crisis three years ago, and this book really helped us. Even though it focuses mostly on the offending partners behavior, we both got a lot out of it. We also went to several months of marriage counselling.
If your broke your arm it wouldn’t heal overnight and neither will this. Pain isn’t pleasant but you need to get out and keep your mind occupied. Now, in addition to keeping up the counseling it’d be good to start on something like learning Spanish, joining a gym. Or heck get a second job (if possible in this economy) at Starbucks or something. At least that way you’ll keep busy, keep your mind occupied and earn a few bucks in the process
Think of it like this
When I learned to ride a bike, I got hurt. When I learned to roller blade, I got hurt
Sorry to hear it, DT. My friend’s wife recently left him after 7 years. Hurt him like hell.
The problem is, he won’t communicate. He has pretty much shut off communication with all friends. Quit social activities. When he is spotted outside (such as at the grocery store), he always makes up an excuse about where his wife is. They used to be inseparable.
We’re neighbors, so I know when he comes and goes to work (we used to be roomies), so I know he’s still alive. But other friends are concerned that he doesn’t return calls, rarely responds to email, etc. Very reclusive.
Meanwhile, our circle of friends is suffering. Most of us live close to each other, and collectively we all really feel for the guy and want to be there for him. It worries us all. Specifically, this guy got me out of a truly sucking situation by helping me 10 years ago, and I want to get plus on the Karma side. Besides, he’s a great guy who deserves help in a time like this. Problem is, he has made it clear that he is not going to discuss this and there will be no further questions. Thank you very much. Good night.
So I guess the best I can say is if you want to get over a bad situation, keep up with your friends. Advice from a book is good, at least good enough to get published, but everybody’s got advice. I would suggest spend more time with your buds. People who know you. People who care for you. People who can call you on your bullshit and you still feel okay about.
I know it’s tough, but I’m kinda glad that this will bring you this much closer to your son as he grows.
I can’t remember how I came across this site, and I cannot vouch for it since I am not married myself, but it looks like it could be helpful: Marriage Builders - from the site:
The site offers a bunch of books, and I seem to recall hearing that the support forums are very good. I think someone here recommended it in another thread…
