My wife and I are expecting our first child (a boy!) on or around March 5th.
I’m not necessarily looking for an instructional/how-to book (though if there’s a great one, lay it on me); it can be a funny memoir, even a novel. Just nothing depressing where the kid dies or something please.
I’ve never read it, but perhaps you could try Cheaper by the Dozen. It’s decently famous, if only for having inspired three films.
Just read what the mother is reading.
So you will have at least some idea of what the hell is going on in her head.
She will pretty much tell you what to do anyway.
Congratulations! Boys are great fun! I heartily recommend “April Fools Day” by Bryce Courtenay. I say from the outset that it’s about his son who died of AIDS after a bad blood transfusion. However, there is one outstanding section of the book which will leave you convulsed with laughter which is when he describes his son as a teenager. Paraphrased; it goes something like this: "and when the boy becomes a teenager, he loses the ability to speak English or communicate in any way apart from gestures and grunts. He doesn’t eat with the family any more, nor partake in family outings. He sleeps from midnight until mid-day and will spend hours on the telephone having the sort of animated conversations with like-minded dickheads who don’t speak with their parents either. His mother, of course, will cry and sigh and say ‘I don’t understand’. She is not meant to - she requires him to love her unconditionally … And then, one day, the teenager becomes a man and will stride to the kitchen table for breakfast. The unmitigated little shit will greet the family, kiss his mother and in unfortunate gratitude for this small act, mother then bursts into tears and says “I love you too … my son” I know that my recollection of the chapter isn’t quite right - and even though you said that you don’t want anything sad - it’s a brilliant description of how they act. Myself the mother of a 12 - nearly 13 year old boy can tell you that raising boys to be good men is a beautiful challenge. For something really light-hearted check out Dave Allen the comedian’s impression of his own teenage son. It’s on You Tube. Congrats again!
Found link for you - watch from about the 2 minute mark.
Congratulations! Sorry I can’t recommend any books but I’m rooting for your kid to be born a day early. It’s a good day. 
Well, Amazon has a couple books written especially for expectant fathers. They deal, for instance, about how to financially prepare for a child. Or how a pregnant woman’s behavior might look from the outside.
I’m a mother, I have read the Expectant Fatherand I found it somewhere between meh and okay.
The rule about books and pregnancy is to read as much as makes you feel prepared and reassured, but absolutely not more. If you feel you’ve got a handle on things, stop reading and spend quality time with your wife instead.
This book is a good read, several parts of it are quite funny. I have to warn you though that while no kid dies in the book
someone does die at the end, just not a kid. And I think one of the kids DID die in real life but it isn’t mentioned in the book
There are a couple of sequels out there too.
I should have mentioned as a father who had read a lot of books I can’t think of any I read before becoming a father that really might have prepared me for the experience.
I’m not the kind of person to put a lot of stock in parenting books (a source of endless conflict between me and my wife, who very much IS that sort of person).
Actually one novel that comes to mind for me is *The World According to Garp *but that violates one of the conditions in your OP.
Being a parent is scary.
Hunter S Fulghum (son of Robert) Like Father, Like Son
My husband particularly enjoyed Bill Cosby’s book Fatherhood, and more recently this one: Tales from the Dad Side: Misadventures in Fatherhood by Steve Doocy
During my pregnancy though, I just had this obsessive need for him to read certain passages from whatever I was reading. He never really read anything voluntarily until those two above.
Like some others have said, be interested in what she’s reading too. You’ll do great! Your life is going to be crazy.