Have your people contact my people, and we’ll do a Midnight Meal. I rarely do lunch. I assume that you are a Night Being, as I am? Also, do I get a commission on any souls that I can deliver to you?
In addition to the standard contract, I want a VERY good deal on the house we’re buying, and absolutely no problems (on our end) in buying and closing on it. I know that’s gonna be tough, but you have to realize that you’re probably going to make me a minion sooner or later. Cause that’s just the sort of being I am.
That’s why I attempted to sell my soul back when I was a teen. I wanted power. Now I want power and health and just a little bit of revenge. Just a teensy bit. Juuuust enough to make them SORRY.
Well damn your due diligence prior to closing the deal. Can I at least get one of the new Annabeth Gish-model hookerbots? I saw Mystic Pizza the other night–yes, I was hammered–and Ms. Gish is very easy on the eyes…
I’m not sure we want you as a minion, dear. If you were Hell material, you’d have written “I’d like the house we’re buying given to us at absolutely no expense to us. In fact, I think the seller should pay us. If this results in them going bankrupt, well, that’s not my problem now, is it?”
Most of that was going to happen anyway, but I can swing it with the understanding that you’ll spend 9/14ths of your career exploiting and abusing the people you once sought to save.
Annabeth Gish? Seriously?
Whatever dude. Take the lot of 'em. The Anna Paquin models are just two doors over, though.
I, personally, have no need of your soul. But the Apocalypse is approaching, and Mephistopheles needs mortals to serve as [del]feed for the hell-hounds[/del] [del]cannon-fodder for the assault on Heaven[/del] clever, reliable agents to serve as his viceroys once the Universe is ours.
In other news I need someone to instruct me in the use of the delete key.
According to my records, not only are you currently damned, but have been since 17 April 2005. I don’t have the details here, but apparently you really, really, really pissed off the opposition that day.
I wouldn’t want to own a soul that The Devil would be interested in , so anything I could get for it, I’d be glad of. I’d start high tho, and let him haggle me down.
As I said, I want a VERY good deal. I think that if we were given this house, that would raise all sorts of bothersome questions which I would prefer not to answer, or even to have someone else look into things. I don’t want to cause undue suspicion. Or even suspicion that is completely warranted.
My main problem with Belkar in the Order of the Stick is not that he’s Chaotic Evil, but that he’s STUPID CE. Just as Good does not equal Stupid, neither does Evil equal Stupid. The very best Evil is so subtle that nobody notices it, but everyone is affected by it. For instance, in Good Omens, I greatly admired Crowley’s initiative in adapting the traffic patterns to a) cause a giant Glyph to be formed, an evil modern prayer wheel if you like, and b) cause traffic jams, which set all sorts of small evils into motion.
Also, I worked for AOL for a time, but left it because they are too inefficient for my tastes, also they weren’t evil enough.
Randi is a Canadian. I have already explained the Dark Lord’s policy about that untamable ilk.
Leslie Fish does not fit our needs at this time. Something about the bandana. I don’t know the details but Lucifer prefers taht she be kept entirely out of his jurisdiction.
Ellison is–well, Ellison. He Who Shall Not Be Named In This Paragraph prefers to keep him in the mortal world so that he can serve the Lowerarchy in his current unwitting and subtle ways.
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