I just came back from vacation. The chocolate has melted all over my inbox. It really is hot in Cleveland!
ETA: That sounds kinda naughty.
You may have my soul, providing you take a trip to a certain destination first, then return. Not that I’m asking you to go there, but for instance how long would it take you to go to Alpha Centauri and back?
We are already in Hell. It’s in our minds.
Snow snakes. Ice weasels. It isn’t pretty.
Anne Murray and William Shatner duets.
Absolutely. I’ll take the package, but will trade out some of the luxuries for a minor position in Hell post death. Preferably one that minimizes all torment to myself. Something in anti-divinity R and D. 
Oddly enough, and even true, a currently transgendered former priestess of Anubis recently told me the same thing. At a very Southern funeral of a friend who committed suicide. It was a strange week. And not a good one.
Certainly! You can trust that not merely I but the rest of the Lowerarchy will honor all deals made!
AlphaCent is deep in territory. If I go there, I’m going in force, thankyouverymuch.
I am also not interested in helping you solve any mathematical conundrums. That does not further the aims of His Vileness.
Excellent! I have some plans on crossbreeding cacodaemons to captured sex-assigned opposition prisoners… Glad to be on board boss.
I know of only four message boards where someone would get the reference that quickly-well done!
I’m not sure how the word enemy disappeared from the fore of territory above. I am going to blame the Canadians.
[crazy hat off]
I’m having a brain fart. I remember everything about the story except the author, and the relevant book is nowhere in reach. Refresh my memory?
For the rest of y’all, Czarcasm and I have been talking about a story from about 60 years ago in which a modern Faust wagers his soul against the Devil being able to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem. I won’t go into more detail lest I spoil it; you guys should read it.
Sorry about your friend, Oak.
What do you mean by “very Southern funeral”? I know what I would mean by it. (For the non-Southerners it’s complicated, but it involves, on the black side anyway, a eulogy that is actually a sermon, no one other than the widow and persons under 13 being allowed to cry, and a post-funeral party that seems oddly festive to Northerners and Westerners.
Very much like that. We got the Special Edition, where the preacher lays on the Hellfire and Brimstone, especially for atheists, extra thick. Being charitable, I prefer to think maybe nobody told him the deceased was an atheist, and he did not intentionally spend thirty minutes telling the mother that her son was now burning in Hell forever. Assuming God would overlook the suicide, which, of course, wasn’t mentioned. Also not mentioned was the bourbon and/or other intoxicants consumed discreetly before, during, and after the visitation by many attendees. Add in the presence of a woman with a romantic history including the Uncle and this author, sprinkle with the brief appearance of the currently transgendered former priestess of Anubis, bake in the sweltering summer heat at 104 F, and Tennessee Williams coulda done it on Broadway.
Are you making fun of me? Why are you so mean?
Someone will be along shortly to mock you for this question.
I want a guarantee to live until 70 in good health and 10 million dollars. Oh and I want the Yankees to never win another World Series.
If you had given the matter even a moment’s thought, you would have realized that the latter condition is not something Old Scratch would agree too. He’s friends with George.
At least, I think they’re friends. Now that I think on it, whenever G.S. is on one of his periodic tours of Down Here, the Boss is absent.
What about my appendix? Can I get anything for that?
Oh I don’t mind the lopping off; I just hate those tiny pricks like you would not believe.
I take this to mean that you are willing to sell your soul in exchange for diabolical help in removing your appendix. We are amenable to this and have sent one of our finest [del]serial killers[/del] [del]vivisectionists[/del] surgeons to remove the aforementioned organ, along with any others you may not be using.
If you do not wish to make this exchange, please let Dr. Jack know when he arrives. I will even comp the procedure and have Jack remove the appendix, kidneys, liver, pancreas, lungs, and so forth without taking your soul at all.
You keep doing that and we’ll send the ice weasels after you. There’s a reason Dante spoke of the centre of Hell as being frozen.