Well, let’s see what I can offer.
Generally speaking, collaborative law works when a couple (I’ll call them H and W) decides to divorce with as little acrimony as possible. Ideally, there will be no real disagreement, nor any hatred, nor any “I"m gonna make you sorry!” attitude. They have just decided to go their own ways.
Under “regular” circumstances, one party would have to sue the other for some reason; or the parties might have to have a separation period before they could get a no-fault divorce. (Details on these can differ between jurisdictions; if you elect to go this way, consult a lawyer to make sure you know the details for your jurisdiction.) But often, the process is adversarial, especially if a lawsuit drives it.
But under the collaborative law process, fault-finding and blame-seeking are not important. The couple agrees to work together, in a mediation/negotiation format. H and W each get a lawyer (HL and WL, respectively), and the four of them get started.
First, the parties all sign an agreement. This agreement is like a contract–it binds the parties to full disclosure or all assets and liabilities, for example. It also makes the parties aware that should talks break down, H and W still have the option to pursue a divorce the “regular” way, although they can no longer use HL and WL. The idea behind this is to provide an incentive to help all four participants to focus on negotiation, and not on acrimony.
Next, H and W get HL and WL familiar with their current situation. There may be talk of living arrangements at this time, of childcare arrangements, or of other immediate concerns. It may be necessary to work out an interim agreement to look after these things; more permanent arrangements can be made later.
The next step is to work out a way to divide the couple’s assets and to arrive at an agreement to divide the liabilities. Full disclosure by both H and W is required–it is easy enough to agree upon what the household bills and mortgage/rent are, but H and W will have to make each other, as well as HL and WL, aware of their bank account balances, credit card debt, pension amounts, investments, etc. H and W will speak about what assets and liabilities they each brought to the marriage, and where they are now. Roughly speaking, what each brought then will be subtracted from what both own now, and be divided. (Some limitations and exemptions may apply, depending on jurisdiction.)
Other concerns will be discussed in much the same way. Starting with full disclosure and allowing discussion and questions to occur, the parties agree on how to proceed on a number of concerns. Who gets the children? What about visiting rights? What about paying for childcare? College? And so on.
In the end, some solution to everything will present itself. The lawyers, who have taken careful notes throughout, will draft up a contract reflecting everything agreed to. If it is accurate, according to H and W, the parties sign it. They lawyers complete any other necessary paperwork (the actual divorce paperwork required by the court, title changes on properties, facilitating payments from one party to the other, etc.), and that’s that. The parties abide by the contract as they go their own way.
Some variations may occur, depending on the couple and its circumstances; but generally, this can all be done in about two or three meetings of an hour or two apiece. The lawyers will do some billable work behind the scenes when they are drafting documents or talking with each other or their respective clients; but it would not be enough to boost the bill to $30K.
I didn’t like what was happening (my wife announcing she was leaving), but if it was going to happen, I did like the collaborative law process. Everything possible was addressed, and in the end, we reached an agreement I can live with.