Any suggestions for talking an idiot into giving up her baby for adoption?

The BBQ Pit
41

Best wishes! I used to be the coordinator of the nation’s largest and longest-running study on congenital toxoplasmosis. I will say that your indoor cats pose less of a threat, and that you’re doing a great thing by staying away from that litterbox, but man, have I seen some cases!

One mother in our study had been running a “homeless cat hotel” or somesuch out of her basement. Very surprising that her fetal child wasn’t immune. Oops. We did get a lot of young, (dumb), unwed mothers living in tiny, dirty, cat-filled apartments. Add a child who is likely to have a disability into the mix, and life sort of falls apart. :frowning:

(See, this is why I love the Dope. About eight people came along and mentioned the Toxoplasmosis risk before I did.)

42

Would reverse psychology work?

Oh, and for this

I love you. May I feed you chocolate while you watch Orlando Bloom movies?

43

Hehe - it’s not just here - every board I visit get the toxoplasmosis mention when someone mentions cats and pregnancy. I think I’m just sensitive because I’ve had several people tell me that I absolutely MUST get rid of my cats now that I’m pregnant. Errr…no.

Obviously, one shouldn’t be stupid about it (we keep the area around the litterbox clean, I don’t touch it, and I’m constantly washing my hands now anyway, just not because of the cats). But the cats are family.

Granted, I wouldn’t be bringing in homeless cats right now, as much as I would love to have another one :dubious: . But having had cats most of my life (and most of those being outdoor cats), isn’t there a pretty good chance that I’m immune to it?

Sampiro, does she at least get along with your friend? Can he maybe convince her to just TALK to an adoption agency? Granted, you can’t force someone to give up a child if they don’t want to, but if she’s an attention-seeker like you claim, she may love having all of the attention of being the birth mother.

Or hell, take her to a new parent boot camp (they offer them at the hospitals around here - they may offer one near you). The reality of being faced with a screaming newborn might just scare her away from parenthood.

E.

44

Wish I’d posted this. Maybe I can take over on your off days? :slight_smile:

45

When my mother was pregnant with my sis, our cat used to sleep right on top of her bump. Sis turned out fine.

I’m going to go with those who mentioned open-adoptions. She’d still get to be a part of said child’s life, but she wouldn’t have the ultimate responsibility of caring for the child.

46

I think it’s the actual Changing of the Litterbox that’s a problem, not the Adoration of the Actual Feline Body.

47

You can whisper in Elvish in Sampiro’s ear.

48

True. However the Actual Feline Body may have traces of feces which may be contaminated with toxoplasmosis.

Probably in large my OCD talking, but my thoughts are that one is better safe than sorry.

And yes, I wash my hands so often I absolutely must moisturize, or they peel and bleed. :eek:

49

Not necessarily. The risk for getting toxoplasmosis is quite real, but it’s also not so common that one should simply assume that because they’ve had lengthy exposure to cats they’ve already been exposed to it once and are thus immune.

There’s no reason to worry about it though, because you can be tested to see if you’re immune to it or not which may not be a bad idea just for peace of mind (if you find out you are immune, don’t even have to worry once about the kitties.)

50

Here’s some info from WebMD about a toxoplasmos test link

51

Sorry, I didn’t mean to hijack the thread by mentioning toxoplasmosis, and I certainly didn’t mean to imply that women who are pregnant or may become pregnant should get rid of Fluffy or Boots or Mr Fuzzies.

I did mean to imply that the subject of the OP, given her class and breeding, living in a small place with two other folks and four cats, may not be given to frequent handwashing and exquisite litterbox hygiene and may be at risk for fetal toxo.

Carry on.

52

I have to third how interesting the characters are which Sampiro is a magnet to/for.

Better you than me, that is all I have to say.

Keep us informed on this Dinah and the situation.

53

Action Items:

  1. Acquire NORPLANT subdermal rods.
  2. Knock bitch upside head.
  3. Insert NORPLANT subdermal rods into knocked-out bitch.

These items will minimise the likelihood of any more tricycle motors of the Jerry Springer Guest Phenotype from emerging from nether regions of aforementioned bitch.

Getting the bitch spayed is a more pressing issue than getting her cats spayed.

54

Oh good grief.

Let’s see, she’s had a miscarriage and two terminations, so I’d say if she’s not up for another, that’s her choice. Although I would like to hit the bootee people upside the head with a large stick. Talk about emotional blackmail!

She has horrible family experience with adoption, both of giving away a baby and of a reunion that did not turn out well. Despite lovely stories of happy adoptive families, open adoptions and well-adjusted kids, that just doesn’t fit with her experience. All she knows about adoption is that her mother was wracked with guilt and that her half brother was adopted by horrible people and turned out to be a loser.

What she has is a mother who loves her unconditionally, to the point of co-dependence. For someone like her, keeping her baby with a " blood family who care about it" will be all that matters.

Sampiro I agree with you that adoption is the best idea for the baby and for her, but I honestly don’t think that anything anyone says will change her mind. Using emotional blackmail, railroading her into it etc are not good ideas. If she can’t make a rational, measured choice for adoption she won’t be able to cope with the emotional aftermath.

In the meantime, aren’t social services there to help? Can’t she get government housing? Financial benefits as a single mother? Food stamps? Free antenatal care? Parenting classes? Something?

If there was a woman in that situation here, the social workers would have her in her own council flat, with doctor’s appointments and parenting classes arranged ASAP, and she would be entitled to extra benefits (welfare) on account of being a single mother.

Involving Social Services needn’t mean that the baby gets taken from her, but it might mean that they can offer her help and education. Raising a baby on welfare isn’t ideal, but it’s got to be better than raising one on nothing.

cerberus- FYI, hormonal contraceptives cannot be used in pregnant women.

55

Oh dear, I’m not fluent. Perhaps I could offer a nice scalp massage.

56

Action Item 4: Post-natal insertion of NORPLANT.

Action Item 5: Arrange for C. Section, during which “complications” involve the reproductive system, “accidentally” resulting in future infertility.

57

She sounds liek a real piece of work.

But please, don’t overemphasize the “you’ll never go to college” angle. There are nearly infininate resources out there for older students with kids. There is health care, free daycare, financial aid which includes living expenses, special housing…anything you could ask for, all for olders students with kids. I know too many poor people who assumed they’d never be able to afford college and never tried. It’s sad, because they could have walked on to campus, filled out some forms, and started a new life.

58

Just wanted to offer my comments and experience with adoption. I recently attempted an “open adoption.” (My wife and I are unable to have our own children.) It failed, and there is a long story behind that, but to make it short, the birth mother was a FOAF who already had 3 children that she had left with her brother to raise because she could not be bothered with a job or an education, and didn’t have any sense of responsibility to her children.

Anyway, the birth mother changed her mind in the delivery room, and decided to give her newborn twins also to her brother (giving him 5 of her children and 2 of his own.)

What I learned about open adoption (at least as far as the laws of North Carolina are concerned)is that all it implies is that the birth mother knows the prospective adoptive parents prior to placement in the home. In North Carolina the birth mother has 7 days after signing over custody to change her mind. Once the 7 days have passed, the birth mother has no more right to gain custody of the child than a neighbor, teacher, or total stranger would. (Again, IANAL, your GA state laws may be different.)

Martin Hyde made the post about foster homes being alcoholics who and opportunity rapist. I am offended by that comment. My wife and I had a full background check and had to attend parenting classes in order to be eligible to foster children in our home. We have not had the opportunity to do so at this time, as I am deployed. My point is that people making uninformed comment such as that only discourage people from allowing their children to be placed in a foster home. We do not want to have a child in our home so I can have more beer money. We want a child in our home to love. Some parents may need to send their children to a foster home for a brief period while they deal with problems. Yes there may be some fostering agencies that do not do as thorough of a check as they should, and there may be some foster parents that should never be allowed around children, but do not condemn the entire system because of a few bad people.

I really wish she would consider adoption. It would bring so much joy and love to some deserving family. There is no way to force her into it though. Just do your best to be sure that she is being a good mother, and if the baby ever has to go without, call social services and if the allegations are founded, the child will be placed with foster parents. Hopefully, enough complaints and the child will be placed permanently in an adoptive or foster home.

59

That is sick

60

ROTFLMAO!!!