Any WWE fans in the audience? (Part 1)

The Game Room
2382

I can tell you that at the house show I went to that Marcus was basically laughed out of the ring. If he’s there next Friday I’ll see if maybe his reception has improved. I was disappointed they took away his music though, it was really cool.

Has NXT been pretty bad the last couple weeks or is it just me? My theory on it is that the guys are more over than their taping schedule allows, so they can’t really capitalize on just how popular err’body is. I wonder if that will make a change to their schedule

2383

Postcard from Kane:
“Dear Seth, I am starting to hate pineapples. The natives make pineapple rings into bar coasters, earrings, nose rings, engagement rings, goggles for their pets, and wheels for their tiny cars. If I see another pineapple, I’m going to grate it on somebody’s face like I’m shredding cheese. I’m ready for this vacation to be over. J & J better not yap about their new Cadillac when I get back. Yours, Kane.”

I’m wondering if Battleground will actually have victories for both Rollins and Kevin Owens, since they don’t typically want heels to dominate PPVs and make all the kiddies sad. I’m guessing Ryback and PTP will retain their belts, and RR will triumph over Bray. RKOrton vs Sheamarse will probably get thrown in the mix, as well as a Divas piss break match, and maybe a pre-show match between the Lucha Dragons and Ascension, so that’s already a bunch of face wins. Plus, they’ve probably got lead-in plans to Summerslam, so Brrrrock can win the belt then in front of a bigger audience.

2384

Pretty good predictions. I don’t see any clean wins there. If they want to shock the audience have someone get pinned without interference, that never happens.

2385

I dunno, the ONLY way they can continue a Owens-Cena feud is with Owens taking the title. If they don’t go that direction and instead, LolCenaWins, then Owens is just another temporary villain built up just enough to face Cena before being pushed down the stack. Now clearly I don’t put that past Vince and actually consider it extremely likely, but damn it, at some point that shit has to stop, because it is quite literal shit. The entire motherfucking reason they can’t build new stars is because the only reason they ever exist is to get fed to Cena.

I think the Brock-Rollins thing, however, will definitely be a complete clusterfuck of massive interference, bodies everywhere, etc. Rollins wins by cheating, Lesnar remains a monster by killing everyone and everything. Rinse and repeat at Summerslam.

We know Reigns wins over Wyatt, who is the Anti-Cena. Cena wins everything, Wyatt loses everything.

2386

Vince is just going to the same well his father was drawing from 40 years ago. Bring in bad guy, build him to face the champion (Bob Backlund) for 2-3 months, them IC champ (Pedro Morales) for 2-3 months, then have him build secondary babyfaces for a few more months before changing territories. With no other territories for the opponents, everyone end up in the mid card mix.

2387

And that is the problem. With no where else to go the same wrestlers are on display all the time. They can’t suddenly go from mid-card workers and jobbers to contenders. But I don’t think he cares. He’s got a virtual monopoly on the wrestling business in the US, he figures we don’t have serious options and we’ll take whatever he has.

2388

No, they really don’t care (McMahon & Dunn). They make snap judgments on talent, and while it is easy to fall down from their judgment (Swagger), they make it ridiculously difficult to succeed upwards (Ziggler).

2389

Apparently, Alberto El Patron no-showed a charity wrestling show in Texas yesterday after being paid in advance. It’s been reported that the promotion has been unable to get in touch with him to find out why, and it’s been two days since he’s updated his Twitter feed which he normally posts to daily.

Hopefully there’s just been some sort of communication breakdown or unexpected urgent business that kept him from making the date, but I have a bad feeling about this. Reminds me too much of the last time a big name wrestler just suddenly missed a weekend show and couldn’t be contacted.

2390

IIRC, and if it’s the person I am thinking of (and “who else could it be?”), that person (a) told somebody (Vince?) that he had to miss the show because of a “family emergency”, and (b) sent a couple of E-mails or text messages to wrestlers the day that he died.

2391

Chavo, specifically.

2392

Alberto apparently went to his home in Texas and stayed there. Now he’ll be known as “Alberto El No-Show.”

2393

So apparently RAW was pretty good last night.

Well bust out the Hulu version tonight during dinner but since that kills a lot of the matches…was it good?

2394

Excellent triple threat match between Kevin Owens, Rusev, and Cesaro for the right to face John Cena in the US title challenge right after the match. Orton/Ryback vs Sheamus/Show was pretty good too. Those were the stand-outs to me, but I was doing other things during the bulk of the show. Also, Titus is far better an announcer than Cena, and Rollins turned on Kane…again.

2395

Didn’t see it because I’m back to gaming, only every other week this time.

But if you’re a Diva and you were not in that ring last night (other than Summer Rae and Lana, who are in their own feuds), start packing your bags and saying your goodbyes. Because the previous sentence references 11 Divas, which is fairly large for their utilization.

As far as that, Tamina, Naomi and Alicia Fox had all better step their games up right now.

Now I hope to hell we finally get some time in the ring and some clear story lines.

2396

Poot, can’t figure out a RAW intro this week. Kane is back from Hawaii, Lana is no longer Russian… could do King Troof, but it’d be racist… how about Voice Mail from Jamie?

Voice Mail From Jamie

“Hey bawss, mah bones are mendin’, thanks to mah Aint Granny’s poultice. Ah don’t know whut she makes it from, but ain’t no tree frawgs croakin’ these days. Hope ah don’t start catchin’ flies with mah tongue. Hee-yuck! Sorry thangs didn’t work out with Kane. Looks lahk yew gonna be by yore lonesome this Sundy, but ah’ll be there in spirit, donchew worry about that! Hey, as long as ah gotchew on the line, yew think yew can git our caddy some body work? Ah mean, as long as yore totin’ that thang around and bringin’ it to the shows, yew might as well get it pulled back apart and put some new tars on it. I wanna put these pimp rims on ‘em ah saw on Craigslist! Feller named Funk Dennis Machete is sellin’ 'em purty cheap. Wail, gotta go. Mama needs her third ear dewaxed.”

Rusev, Owens and Cesaro win the MVP award. They pwned RAW. Rusev, the heaviest of the three, sold Cesaro’s triple suplex like a lightweight. None of them bailed out of the ring to rest like the way Triple Threat matches usually play out. If they and Cena continue to scramble for the US title for the next few months, that would be a good thing, as long as Cena can stay off the mike.

The emergence of the NXT divas was a huge mark-out moment. None of them looked tentative in the their entrances. Becky Lynch looked fantastic. They didn’t get all of Charlotte’s cartwheel entrance, but she still got Flair heat. Sasha acted like she owned the place and the other girls were beneath her notice. No Bailey, but rumor has it she’ll be NXT champ now.

I’m pretty intrigued as to how the Seth/Brrrock match will play out. They won’t resort to constant life-sucking interference like they overdid before, unless somebody like Big Show gets roped in. Conventional Wisdom (well, me) says Brock won’t win at Battleground, but will instead win in more spectacular fashion and in front of a bigger audience at Summerslam. Will Seth just run away? That’s no way to resolve a main event match. Will he attack Brock’s anus, to take advantage of his past suffering from diverticulitis? Will there be an Anal Lock? Anal Crabs?

“Hey Seth, me again. Go fer his aisshole! Ah heard he has painful shits when he eats too much fiber! Ram that fist up thar and twist! Just lahk birthin’ a foal! That’ll bring him to heel!”

2397

According to Ms. Cups, Charlotte, Becky, Sasha (I think), and Bayley have been parading themselves around as the 4 horsewomen.

That is a fantastic and kickass idea that I want WWE to implement so badly because it would bring an awesome storyline into the divas division. These girls rule the division and the rest of them are trying to scramble to take them down.

Although that would leave NXT basically empty when it comes to diva talent, but they have some in reserves so it should be ok.

I don’t know if I mentioned it before, but we have another NXT house show this Friday where we got ringside seats again. So hopefully this means some more high-fives from some people. I mean, the last time we sat ringside I was able to get one from Bayley…

2398

Bayley still has a broken hand or something like that, I believe, which is why she wasn’t called up. Someone has to stay behind and keep the NXT division going. I’m not ready to see it turned over to PlasticPrincess, Emma and Carmella just yet.

2399

And in today’s “Only in TNA” news, apparently Hernandez came to TNA saying he was free and clear from his Lucha Underground contract, and TNA just took him at his word without actually bothering to check. And, of course, it now appears that he wasn’t clear.

So now TNA apparently has to remove Hernandez, and, of course, they’re taped for another month or so. And it means that pretty much every BDC segment has to be scrapped as well.

2400

If they let the new women actually fight in the ring this will be great. I’ll believe it when I see it, I expect a lot of exposure on RAW and Smackdown, but the typical 5 minute fight at the big events. What will really irk me is having the Bellas compete on a par with the clearly superior wrestlers.

2401

*BAHWANNGAAAWAANNNGGAAAAHHHH

BAAANNNHHHH*

Tonight, high priest Cueto announces 3 more Aztec talisman matches. In the opening segment, he offers one to Pentagon Jr. for free, but PJ says he and his Maestro aren’t interested. Dario asks him when will he meet this Maestro, and PJ replies it will happen when he has proved himself by destroying Vampiro. PJ’s very intense with his promo work and hisses like a snake.

Speculation: Undoubtedly, the 7 Aztec talismans will somehow screw over the recipients. It will turn them into priest/sacrifices to some Aztec war god like Huitzilopochtli. Or maybe they have something to do with Cueto’s brother Malanza, still locked in a cell underneath the temple. Perhaps the medallions will channel each lucha’s power into him so he can transform into Huitzilopochtli’s avatar.

Bengala, the lucha with the really silly cat mask, wins the first talismatch over Les Bloomfield, despite Ryck Fury’s interference.

King Cuerno wins the second talismatch over Killshot. Cuerno’s style is pretty deliberate. He doesn’t seem to do anything risky and usually takes every attack on the chin, no matter how easy it looks to avoid.

Next, a backstage promo shows Sexy Star taking Super Fly’s mask out of her bag and looking at it regretfully, reflecting on their lost friendship. Their ensuing match is a short one, as she traps him in a submission hold as a counter. Then, Marty the Moth steps forth and announces he’s a true Aztec warrior, and he deserves a shot at the talisman. She lets this lepidopteran wannabe take her on, and eventually traps him in the same submission hold. Marty the Moth lotht.

After this, Vampiro is in the ring with a mike, announcing he’s no longer an active wrestler and won’t fight Pentagon Jr at Ultima Lucha. PJ comes a-hissing, calls him a coward, threatens to burn him, and mockingly calls him Ian. Vamp acts all fidgety and tentative, says Ian Hodginson won’t fight PJ, but Vampiro will! He then grabs PJ by the throat and gives him a chokeslam. Call him Ultima Taker I guess.

Finally, Dario Cueto announces the main event at Ultima Lucha will be Prince Puma defending the LU belt against Mil Muertes and calls both luchas to the ring. Since neither one does any mike work, can you guess how this will play out? Catrina saunters her way down, wearing a Vampirella type dress, displaying plenty of cleavage. The Disciples of Death wheel a coffin to ringside, and they and MM gang up on PP. Konnan comes to his rescue, brandishing the corrugated steel cane of death, and pokes the DoD DuDes with it. Pokes? POKES? Why not swing it like MM did when he grabs it from him and whacks him with it? The DoD DuDes roll Konnan into the coffin while MM holds PP’s head in a vice grip and forces him to watch. The caballero-riding-off-into-the-sunset music plays.

*BAHWANNGAAAWAANNNGGAAAAHHHH

BAAANNNHHHH*