Any WWE fans in the audience? (Part 1)

The Game Room
2362

Well, aside from Jericho going over Neville, I called this show down the line. (Cesaro/Diego and Luchas/New Day were dark matches that both went the way I expected.) This was, hands-down, one of the best non-Big-Four live specials I’ve ever seen WWE put on. They need to do more live specials outside the Anglosphere - no long promos, no screwjob endings, no wrestling for the sake of wrestling, just great matches with clean finished. Even the commentary team of Maggle/Saxton (who were doing the commentary from Titan Towers) stayed focused mostly on calling the match instead of bickering or trying to rationalize the heels’ behavior. (Hell, they even let Maggle acknowledge the existence of the IWGP and Dragon Gate. I guess Vince isn’t usually awake at that hour. On the other hand, they forgot to mention that Antonio Inoki once beat Bob Backlund for the WWWF world title in Tokyo, but then they’ve spent most of the last 40 years pretending that never happened.)

Finn/Owens was a match of the year candidate, and Jericho/Neville was a really technically solid match which you could tell the Japanese audience respected. Brock/Kofi was exactly as hilarious as I expected it to be, with Brock no-selling everything and destroying the entire New Day. The main event was something of an anticlimax after the rest of the show, but it was passable enough.

I think I can safely predict at this point that Owens is taking the US title off Cena in two weeks. The big question is who Finn is going to be feuding with as champion with Owens out of the picture - Samoa Joe? Tyler Breeze? Uhaa Nation? Hideo or Sami once they come back from their injuries? Whoever they go with, it’s sure to make for good TV.

2363

No idea what the plan is for Balor at this point, other than a possible title rematch for Owens–WWE loves title rematches for whatever reason. That said, I’m not 100% sure this trope plays out in NXT. In this case, it certainly shouldn’t–that match was a great “exclamation point” to kill off the feud for the moment.

I’m also not sure how Samoa Joe’s feud with Owens is going to play out–the man basically showed up in NXT to wreck Owens. I’m guessing a match at the next TakeOver, but I dunno–I’m also guessing Owens takes the belt of Cena there as well. (ETA: Oops–forgot that was scheduled for the upcoming show.)

The “obvious” feud for Balor is probably Itami; I think we’re all guessing that Balor was the one who attacked him in the parking lot. (Prince Pretty is the other contender, I guess, but if it were him, I suspect he’d have wanted to get a selfie over Hideo’s body.) But I don’t think Itami will be back soon enough for that to work.

I suppose this Rhyno thing could keep going for a little while…

2364

I think it’s pretty safe to say that no one thinks this.

Finn is WAY too over and face-y for NXT to try and turn him heel. Besides, Breeze is already an annoying heel guy, they’ll just keep him that way.

Itami is too far out for a feud, I’m assuming it’s Finn and Breeze with samoa joe in there maybe.

My main takeaway from the PPV thingy has already been mentioned, but I want to reiterate. The commentary was wonderful. Putting over storylines and explaining what was happening without ever divulging into bickering bullshit. And how did this happen? NO CHARACTERS. Maggle and Byron and the two non-character guys and could just relax and call the match. Let’s do this every week shall we?

2365

I had woke up early enough to catch the final minute of the Finn-KO match, and subsequent refusal of jerkface to shake Finn’s hand. KO is the most pissy heel ever. I like the way he makes announcers feel uncomfortable, like everything they say is going to be taken the wrongest way possible.

I agree that Cole/Saxton worked wonders without JBL there to make everything stupid. When they don’t have to plug shit all the time, they’re actually interesting. Plus, without cable/commercial restrictions, the matches lasted longer and paced better.

I too speculate on who will be NXT’s main heel once KO becomes US champ. Tyler Breeze maybe, or elevate Rhyno out of JJTS status. Baron Corbin is more of a lone wolf who doesn’t like anybody, heel or face. That’s about it. S’more Joe could always turn for no reason.

I watched SWERVED after the Tokyokyo show, and it was actually pretty funny. They had one segment where a guy was at the gym talking to a couple of Divas as they worked out, and one of them seemingly dropped a huge weight on his hand. He screamed in pain and R Troof ran over to lift the weight off, and the guy ran off to come back later with a bloody hand. Troof freaked out big time until they showed that the hand was fake.

For another swerve, they had Kofi ask some stars to come outside with him to record a video with him to send to his cousin. He got BNB to come out with him at first. BNB cut a quick promo, saying “I’m afraid I’ve got some BAD NEWS! I’m going to beat your cousin to a bloody pulp this Sunday at (whatever the event was).” Then the security guard wouldn’t let him back in because he didn’t recognize him. Half of everything BNB said from that point onward was bleeped out. Kofi got Seth Rollins to come out too, and he seemed genuinely pissed the security guard didn’t recognize the World Heavyweight Champion. “How do I know you’re even an actual security guard? You just got a cap with the word “Security” on it.”

They had a pretty funny swerve for an Axxess showing, where a bunch of stars were signing autographs. They showed this senior citizen woman who said “I am a Dirty Old Lady.” She’d go up to the wrestlers while they were signing autographs and start to molest them. Some of them got pretty embarrassed and uncomfortable. Kane wouldn’t let her near him. The Usos didn’t seem to mind, though.

2366

I hate hate hate HAAATE pranks.

They’re childish, stupid, and generally mean/hurtful.

That being said…I like swerved a lot and think it’s hilarious. Maybe it’s because it’s wrestlers, who are kind of characters in and of themselves, but Ms. Cups and I both enjoy the show quite a bit

2367

From review of last night’s RAW*

“Cena with the springboard stunner but he does not hit it right”

NO SHIT??? He hasn’t hit it right YET!

*after I went to bed. Getting up at 4:40am is a bitch.

2368

Good showing by Brock last night, now he’s turning into a Stone Cold like character. Hopefully he hasn’t used up all his appearances for the year in the past few weeks. Saw the Least in the East, the Least is starting to look a little loose. He’s no spring chicken and guys built like him have a hard time maintaining a body like that. Maybe he’ll turn into a charisma-less version of Dusty Rhodes. Maybe he can be the American Nightmare.

2369

(mental image of a 50+ year old paunchy out of shape Lesnar in polka dots…)

2370

Can’t do the Lana intro anymore, since she’s no longer Russian and I ran out of Russian jokes anyway.

So I’ll do Kane sending postcards from Hawaii to Seth Rollins.

“Dear Seth, having a blast out here. Literally. I went to Mount Hualalai to summon Kapohoikahiola, Spirit of Explosions, and we capsized an ocean liner together. Wish you were here. XXX Kane”

The Lesnar/Rollins feud is hard to book when Brock has been an unstoppable heel before and has no human vulnerabilities for the bad guys to exploit. Heyman is much better at pissing off the audience than doing face promos. So Brock destroyed an expensive car. So have Big Show, Cena, and Stone Steve Cold Austin. How are they going to have Seth win over Brock? Is Heyman going to turn on him again like he did CM Punk and Brock a couple times before? It will probably be some kind of weasel win like the type Ric Flair had against monster opponents like Vader and the Road Warriors.

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually a Miz mark, albeit not willingly. I genuinely hate him, even though I know he’s kayfabe. I loved it when Big Show put the claw on his face. I loved it when Ryback attacked him because his face was annoying. I hate the way he flaps his arms before taking off his sunglasses. Yes, that means he’s doing his job, and he’s doing it superbly. He’s probably going to win the IC title so he can personally annoy me more.

Sheamus vs Reigns leads to another Brayus Interruptus. Wyatt is channeling the “Anyone but you” vibe from when RR won the RR, but the furor’s kind of died down and become irrelevant since then. I’m hoping the feud will actually live past the next PPV, because I do like the Batman vs Joker parallels, but I’m betting this is just a segue to RR facing the eventual Seth/Brock victor.

Rusev is healthy again and back to squashing Ziggler. I wonder if Iron Sheik is coaching Rus on how to be the exasperated blathering foreigner? He needs more Persian-level invectives like “You son of sheep dog and rut with whores!” “I will eat your liver!” “May you rot in camel dung and your sons not know where bones are buried!”

Ambrose gets some heat back with a win over Bo Dallas, he sure didn’t deserve to be working a mid-card 3 minute match. He’s so much more epic than that.

The KotR angle is really dragging Wade Barrett down, IMO. JBL keeps coming up with the lamest reasons to sell it, and Barrett is much better when he’s meta and trashes angles like that.

Titus O’Neil may be a so-so wrestler, but at least he shuts JBL up. He should join commentary more often.

Cesaro and Cena close out with a RoH-style match, in which both contestants exchange mega-finishers but still kick out. Cena should just quit using the Springboard Stunner. He hasn’t got it right yet, and not even Cesaro could sell it.

Postcard from Kane: “Dear Seth, I ordered a Bloody Mary, but they wouldn’t sacrifice any virgins, so I set fire to their Tiki bar. Hula dancers were screaming while their grass skirts were in flames, melting off their flesh. Best Vacation Ever! Yours, Kane”

2371

Oh yeah, what’s the deal with Bray and the wig? Was that him? What plan did they screw up there?

2372

Cena gets credit for trying and expanding his move list. But he’s as smooth as a NYC street in March. Still, it makes his matches much more interesting.

2373

It was somebody else. RR was supposed to think that was Bray, but the Bray stand-in fell out of the spotlight, so viewers didn’t realize he was wearing a Bray wig until the announcers said something.

2374

Cesaro smacking him with an uppercut while he tried the move would have made it more interesting.

2375

Ok, I have to ask.

Do ANY of you find Summer Rae attractive?

Oh sure, she’s got a rocking body, but damn, that face! The hook nose and mouth area just completely repel me. All I gotta think is that Vince and Kevin Dunn never look above her chest.

2376

I do, in a Naughty Girl Who Should Be Bitch-Slapped kind of way.

I do find Paige, Naomi, Cameron, Alicia Fox and Natalya attractive, but not the Bellas or Rosa Mendes. Eva Marie looks plastic, like a mannekin instead of a real person.

2377

I think summer is in the upper echelon of looks actually.

If we’re going off of just main roster girls: Paige and Brie are 1 and 1a, then I would put Summer with the rest all falling in line in some order. Eva looks really fake, but no more fake than Nikki IMO so she’s probably up there for me too. Nattie looks like a mom, Cameron and Alicia are pretty enough I guess, Naomi is a bit too big-boned for me, Lana looks just as fake as the rest.

2378

*BAHWANNGAAAWAANNNGGAAAAHHHH

BAAANNNHHHH*

Catrina plays her devilish tricks on Team Disfunction again. She attempts to molest Son of Havoc in the locker room, but Ivelisse tells her to back off. Catrina slaps Ivel, and the latter lunges for the former, but the former becomes formerly there, and Ivel plows into SoH instead. The two fall to the floor, recreating a sitcom trope where one person falls on top of another and the resultant position looks like they’re about to engage in passionate romancing. Sure enough, Angelico drops by and says “Don’t tell me you two are getting back together again?”

This leads to Son of Havoc having a match with Mil Muertes. Like many of Muertes vs agile lucha contests, Muer no-sells a lot of the technico’s offense and begins the brutal onslaught. Technico eventually escapes an all-or-nothing attack, and finally gets Muer in dire straits to the point where Catrina interferes. This leads to another confrontation with Ivelisse, and Angelico steps in to help his partners, when he finds himself suddenly surrounded by the Disciples of Death, skull masks bouncing like Day of the Dead bobbleheads. Lucha Trope #487: whenever a bunch of luchas congregate in a bundle outside the ring, somebody’s going to jump over the top rope and knock them down like bowling pins. Indeed, Son of Havoc does so. However, MM takes this opportunity to regroup and Flatlines SoH for the win. No powerbomb through the ceiling though.

Next, The Mack seeks revenge on Cage. Mack has won over the audience because he’s so deceptively agile for one his size and shape. Cage is much the same. He’s got so much muscles he doesn’t look capable of touching his elbows together, but he’ll pull out the aerial maneuvers as well, just a bit slower. Cool spot where Cage tells the crowd to move and he throws Mack into the chairs. The Mack pulls out a surprise win by using a similar type of twisty roll-up Jack Evans and Drago use. That’s an interesting way to win, since roll-ups are usually lame, but done in this curlicue manner makes it look like brains triumphed over brawn.

For interims, Pentagon Jr talks to his mysterious Maestro in a scene reminiscent of C3PO translating for Jabba the Hut. Pentagon speaks Spanish with English subtitles, and the Maestro’s amorphous form answers in low-pitched English. PJ announces his next sacrifice will be Ian Hodginson, which is eek! Vampiro’s real name.

Next interim, Vampiro interviews PJ, but PJ refuses to answer his questions. Instead, he challenges Vampiro to fight him at Ultima Lucha. Vampiro declines, saying he’s already devoted 33 years to the business and has nothing left to prove. PJ calls him all sorts of words for coward. One thing I think that’s cool about Pent’s makeup is that he’ll grimace, showing his real teeth, then close his lips, which have been made up to look like skeleton teeth. Trippy.

This next segment thoroughly confuses me. Tejano Jr (another junior) gets on the mike and announces he’s proud to be Mexican and will fight for his country. Wait a sec, isn’t his gimmick that he’s from Texas and renounced his Mexican heritage? He calls out Chavo Guerrero for dissing other Mexican stars such as Pimpinella, Mascarita, etc, then gets attacked by the two remaining Crewbies. That’s what you get for wanting a spotlight to shine on you and leaving the rest of the lights turned off. Goons jump you from the darkness.

Suddenly, Blue Demon emerges, seemingly to make the save. But no, he turns on Tejano. I don’t get it. Doesn’t he hate Chavo and anybody associated with Chavo? He then grabs the mike and I think is saying he doesn’t need anybody to fight his battles for him. I’m not sure. Something may have been lost in translation, or I’m too white to understand.

Finally, the Atomico match, which is a four-on-four pseudo tag match. Alberto El Patron, Aero Star, Drago and Sexy Star take on Johnny Mundo, Jack Evans, Hernandez, and Super Fly. This time, Mundo is a pussy heel who avoids any confrontation with Alberto. Crazy match, and sure enough, Lucha Trope #487 comes into play about 5 times. Each lucha takes turns crashing into the crowd on the floor, one right after the other. Finally, Mundo is left with Sexy Star and figures hey, I’m a dude, I can just push my entire weight on her shoulders and pin her, so that’s what happens.

After this, the announcers are wrapping up, when suddenly Pentagon Jr emerges from the crowd and kicks Vampiro in the head. He then pours petrolio on Vamp, takes out a lighter, and threatens to burn Vamp if he doesn’t accept his challenge. Then he tells him he was a week to decide and blows out the lighter. Is Vamp supposed to stay soaked in gas for a week? ¡Muy loco!

*BAHWANNGAAAWAANNNGGAAAAHHHH

BAAANNNHHHH*

2379

I’m beginning to think Enzo and Cass are permanent fixtures in NXT. They’re too purposely stupid for the main roster. Fine with me, some acts are just better on the small stage. Surprisingly, the Vaudevillains have staying power. I thought their act would have gotten stale by now, but they seem to have found their niche.

Marcus Luis is engagingly creepy. I think it’d be neat if they could have vignettes of him popping out of the darkness to attack his victims slasher movie style. However, that doesn’t really inspire heat in the crowd. Bray Wyatt is cool creepy, but ML is weird creepy, the type nobody wants to look at.

Nice that we’ll have a Sasha-Charlotte rematch. Those two are brutal to each other.

2380

Summer Rae is pretty hot. She portrays a nasty attitude with her face, apparently she likes being a bad girl. She’s much more attractive when she smiles. One thing I recall about her was when she was Fun Dung Hole’s sidekick. She couldn’t actually to that split from a standing position, they avoided showing it on TV, but she had to get down on the mat and then slide her legs out from there. Maybe she has an injury (former football player you know), but most of the divas could manage a drop split pretty well.

2381

I think the idea here is that last week, when he confronted Chavo at the end of the episode, Chavo mentioned that the crowd cheered for Tejano more than they ever cheered for Blue Demon. So they’re working an angle where Blue Demon is jealous because Tejano seemingly usurped his role as “protector of Mexico.”

It’s a very rushed angle, apparently it’s because Chavo suffered a legit leg injury so they had to switch things on the fly.