Followed by a half second of Johnny Depp on the screen going “What?” with a confused look on this face.
My problem with KO, well, to be honest, his fans…is the bolded text that you just serendipitously wrote.
He does moves that are no different than a thousand other wrestlers, and a thousand other “big” wrestlers like him have done for ages, yet when HE does it it’s all “OmFGZ HeZ likes sooooooooz KeWLz! BEST EVAR!”.
You’re right in that he’s a wonderful heel who talks spectacularly (better than I thought he would) and he plays his character to perfection, but his talent in the ring is only as good as anyone else’s and he is literally no different, so I just do not understand the collective orgasm that the Universe has for every little thing he does.
He’s not new, he’s not unique, he’s not fresh, he’s not some future of wrestling…he’s just another wrestler
I would agree. He’s NOT going to the the face of the WWE. He might get a heel run at the championship, maybe two depending on how long he’s around and how long Cena is around. I was going to say ‘short’, but his act is such that he’d have a lot of excuses, refusals and cheating to retain it. Just as long as Vince doesn’t suddenly require a major chickenshit personality change.
Not the second coming.
But a decent enough wrestler.
Any predictions for NoC?
Here’s mine.
Seth Rollins vs Sting - I think Sheamus will serve as the chump here. He’ll run in with the MITB briefcase after Seth and Sting have a collision, Brogue Kick Seth out of the ring, then try to pin Sting. Sting will reverse and win the champeenship so he can get his name in the WWE annals, then lose it to Rollins next PPV. Shortly afterwards, he’ll retire and be the main draw at the impending Hall of Fame.
Seth Rollins vs John Cena - non finish so Seth doesn’t look weak for the WWE title match. I’m only predicting one heel win out of 8 matches, but I’ll go with Cena somehow not winning the US title. DQ from a Kane run-in or something.
Wyatts vs 2/3 Shield and mystery partner - I’m thinking either Big Show, Samoa Joe or Chris Jericho will be the third. It will be somebody whose name ends with the long O sound. Reigns pins Harper for the victory.
Dolph vs Rusev - I’ll go with Summer Rae somehow screwing things up for Rusev, so Ziggy wins
Nikki Bella vs Charlotte - Nikki’s already broke the longevity record, so Charlotte wins. Paige will eventually turn on her and be her biggest rival.
Ryback vs KO - Not much of a buildup to this feud, so business as usual. Ryback wins.
New-hoo Day-hee vs Dudley Boys - I doubt they’re going to give belts to two sets of old timers, so it’s a New Day once again. The Dudleyz put Xavier through a table afterwards so everybody can be happy.
Lucha Dragons and Neville vs the Cosmic Wasteland - There will be lots of bowling ball scenarios. The heels will gather in a clump and get struck down by all three faces doing aerial assaults at some point. This will be a fun kick-off match, and the faces will win.
Alright, since Knowed Out has beaten me to the punch, I guess it’s time for the Night of Champions edition of Smapti’s Always-Right-Except-When-He-Isn’t Match Predictions, Prognostications, and General Rambling;
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Stardust & the Ascension vs. the Lucha Dragons & [FIRST_NAME_REDACTED] Neville. This is the pre-show match, so nothing of consequence is going to happen here. I’m a huge Ascension mark, and I’d like to think that their being allied with Stardust is a sign that they’re finally going to do something with them. As a three-man stable, they’d make great foils for the Shield down the road, so I hope they win.
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John Cena vs. Seth Rollins for the US title. This will probably be either the first or second match on the card. Putting Cena on this early in the show is unheard of, but Rollins is going to need time to refresh before the main event, and WWE likes to open shows with a barnburner match, so this would be a good one to kick off with. Rollins should win here so that he looks strong going into the world title match. This would probably be a good place for a Sheamus run-in, better than the ME IMO - he cashes in, the match becomes a triple threat for both titles, and Rollins retains by pinning Sheamus, which has the advantage of protecting Cena.
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Dolph Ziggler vs. Rusev. РУСЄВ побед лол. I.e.;
RUSEVWINSLOL.
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Charlotte vs. Nikki Bella for the Divas title, Nikki can lose by countout or DQ. Charlotte should win here, and probably will, but it won’t change the fact that having Nikki break AJ’s record via Dusty finish has completely knocked the wind out of the sails of the “Divas revolution”. Moreover, the fact that this stipulation exists highlights one of the major plot holes in modern-day WWE booking - in the overwhelming majority of matches, the heel champion can only lose the title if he wants to lose it. If Wade Barrett doesn’t want Kofi Kingston to beat him for the IC title, all he has to do is kick the ref in the balls right after the bell rings. He gets DQed, but he keeps the title, and he suffers absolutely no consequences for it except that maybe he gets put in a stipulation match a few months later - there’s no fines, no suspension, no penalty whatsoever, and he gets to keep enjoying the extra pay that being a champion affords him.
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Ryback vs. Kevin Owens for the IC title. My money’s on Owens here. Ryback is a placeholder champion who ended up with the belt by default because Daniel Bryan was injured and someone in back decided it was time to give Ryback a push. It’s clear they didn’t have anything actually planned for him, though, since his title reign has been meandering and aimless and he’s been stuck in the Miz/Show feud for months. Putting the belt on Owens here will give him the momentum he needs to stay out of midcard hell, and allow him to put on more of the smug heel ego that he had as NXT champion.
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New Day vs. the Dudley Boyz for the tag titles. Gotta be the Dudleyz here. There’s no reason to bring these guys back after nearly a decade and immediately book them into a championship angle if you don’t plan on having them win. Bubba Ray and D-Von are getting on in years, sure (44 and 43 respectively), but they’re still nearly a decade younger than the New Age Outlaws were for their title run last year, and it honestly doesn’t take a lot of technical skill to wrestle in the style that they do, so they could easily make credible champions for a few months and show the young guys how it’s done.
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Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose, and THE THIRD MAN vs. the Wyatt Family. Shield 2.0 should definitely win this one, since this about the point in any given Bray Wyatt feud where he gets beaten, then gets bored and picks a new babyface to fuck with for no reason. The big question going into this is who the Third Man is going to be. The dirtsheets have reported that the graphic with Baron Corbin on it was a hoax, and it looks like he’s going into the Dusty Classic finals at Takeover so he’s already got a major angle going right now. Randy Orton is possible, but he doesn’t really have much history with the Wyatts and I don’t think he’d make a good fit. Erick Rowan would work, but from what I’ve read he’s still recuperating from his injury.
The best fit here? Daniel Bryan. He’s been cleared to return to the ring for some time now - the only reason he hasn’t returned is because WWE is in the midst of a concussion lawsuit and they don’t want it to look like they’re rushing him back into action too soon after his last one. He has plenty of history with Bray Wyatt, and has been both an enemy and an ally of the Shield, so he’d work thematically. Just imagine the scene - the Wyatts have made their entrance, Reigns and Ambrose make their entrances, there’s an awkward silence as they face off in the ring, and then “Ride of the Valkyries” hits. The crowd would lose their shit.
Absent Bryan, this would also be a good place for Demon Kane to make his return, but I’m holding out for the Yes-Man.
- Sting vs. Seth Rollins for the world title. The obvious main event. There’s pretty much a 0% chance that this match will end without some sort of shenanigans - run-ins, ref bumps, Dusty finishes, Sheamus cashing in (if he doesn’t during the US title match) - anything is possible. I’m going to stick with the bold prediction I made a few weeks ago - Sting turns heel and wins the title with Triple H’s help - but considering WWE’s recent history of building up big matches like this and then failing to deliver, I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends in a countout or something like that.
Quck-n-dirrrrty predictions from STC himself (with input from Ms. Cups)
PRESHOW: It’s really a who-cares match, but I’m hoping Cosmic Wasteland wins if only so that The Ascension can get some play. I like them and I think they’re getting a bit screwed in the Big Show
CENA/ROLLINS: Kind of spoilering my main event but I think that Rollins loses both titles tonight, and this one is the first. I actually predict a clean cenawinslol and continuing the US Open Challenge. Although I don’t know what that’ll do with his old shirt since it was on clearance, but I’m going with what I think will happen booking-wise without any “inside info”.
ZIGS/RUSEV: The level of hate I have for this rivalry knows no bounds. I’m going to say Ziggler wins by Summer interference and Rusev loses ANOTHER girl to Zigs and it makes the rivalry…better? Worse? I don’t even know anymore
RYBACK/OWENS: It’s the peoples champ vs the smarks champ. The one the kiddies like vs the ones the “real” fans like. I think Vince goes against the smarks and lets Ryback keep the belt. At least I certainly hope so.
NEW DAY/DUDLEYZ: Remember when everyone loved the shit out of The Brotherhood? And they won the tag belts and it was the best thing ever? They had a good run, people cheered, and then…wait…New Age Outlaws are wrestling? Okay, this is kind of fun…then they beat The Brotherhood for no goddamn reason? That…only now.
THE SHIE(minues the LD)/WYATTS: Who oh who is the mystery partner? I’m going to be unoriginal and agree with my posters above me…it’s either a returning DB, or a (strangely) face Kane for whatever reason. My only other guess would be someone who’s super strong (to match with Stroman) so…Mark Henry? Ryback again? I don’t know. I think that SHIE(LD) go over here.
STING/ROLLINS: God I hope it’s Sting. I hope soooo bad it’s Sting. I don’t care how, but I want it to be him and I think it (surprisingly) will be. The only thing I can think of is having Sting win by (insert way here) and have Sheamus come and take it so that Vince doesn’t have to have a WCW/TNA as acting champ, but can still say that it happened. Dream scenario? Sting wins and wrestles every other RAW, defends on PPVs and becomes a legit wrestler again. Has anyone heard of him wanting otherwise? I can’t recall reading or hearing anything that says he wants an Undertaker schedule, so let’s hope he just needed to get into shape and it now fit to go. I mean…he at least LOOKS better than Taker.
Until we decide on a chat room, I’ll keep padding out this thread. 
Assuming everybody else isn’t watching the Emmys of course.
Booker T looks like he has a second head.
WOOT for the Astro Alliance!
Wonder if they use the same Diet Mountain Dew bottles each PPV? They don’t ever drink them.
WOO! KO WINS! INTERKONTINENTAL CHAMPION!
I think I heard Ryback tell KO “You rolled on my elbow,” and KO say “SHUT UP!”
I’m 0-2 so far. W/E
Spike Dudley needs to return.
I hate wounded bird angles. It means all one wrassler whines and acts in pain for 15 minutes while the other stomps. NO TALENT NEEDED. Damn twin ho.
Welp, I predicted Jericho hee hee
He has no problem putting newbies over like Fandango. Looks like he’s going to play heel to Ambrose and Reigns for a while.
Glad to see the Wyatts avoid getting buried. Wonder if they’ll work with the Dudleyz like they were supposed to before?
Oh and grats to Charlotte. WOOOOO!
Cenawinslol
What a godawful ending.
I am angry beyond belief.
Have Sting lose again for no goddamn reason (so now we can officially never take him seriously again in a match…might as well retire than get shit on) then Sheamus comes out (which kinda makes sense) and they botch the cash in AGAIN. And then for even less of a goddamn reason, effing Kane comes and proceeds to DO NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE. Attacks Rollins and doesn’t let Sheamus cash in because he’s fucking stupid and…that’s it. A good PPV ruined, as always, why don’t I just watch 3/4 of these things?
Welp, this was a night where the old guard put over the new talent, but Sting just looked like he was gassing out. Seth deserves the MVP award for working two matches and selling like a champ.
Overall I give NoC a C+.
Sting looked, wrestled, and spotted (if that’s a word) 10x better than Taker did, that’s all I have to say about him
I had to wonder if it ended that way because Sting was in distress.
Looks like Sting actually did get injured.
That’s why he buckled under Seth’s clothesline. They had to do some on-the-spot improvising to close out the match. That’s why 56-year-olds should hang up the tights.
I did see the fan run in and pose with Dean & Roman, but it wasn’t anything remarkable. It’s just one of those stupid things that doesn’t raise a spark in me anymore, like Kane’s run-in, speaking of old timers who should retire.
So does this mean that they had to Improv the finish? or was Sting always supposed to lose, but they just had to hurry how it happened?