Oh, Buff’s been living at DDP’s “Accountability Crib” lately to try and improve his life, and it’s working! Good for him!
Cite:
AEW Dark Taz/Excalibur moment of the day
In today’s episode, Taz speculates the referees are on a work-release program. Excalibur wonders if Danhausen’s curse will transfer to Taz, since it had no effect on Hook, and Taz considers going to church to remove the curse. Guys from Brooklyn love the desert, and Dark Order leader -1 should ride his bike around the ring.
For the moment of the day, Taz is supposedly offered a singing contract.
Amy Sakura vs. Leila Gray
Sakura positions Gray in the corner, stomps a rhythm, and chops her.
Taz: (singing) We will we will chop you!
Ex: One more time!
Taz: We will we will chop you! Sock woo! I mean, chop you!
Shot of Sakura smiling for the camera
Ex: She appreciates your singing, Taz.
Taz: She does. She talks to me all the time. She puts me over.
Ex: It’s not your singing, it’s Remix Jones singing. Oh! Backbreaker!
Taz: She offered me money. She said “you’re doing a great job.” I said “Amy, I got a lot of problems. Money ain’t one of them.”
Ex: You’re playing all the hits tonight, Taz.
Both laugh
Taz: It’s only match two!
Alright, I suppose it’s time for me to lay down my Wrestlemania predictions.
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Roman Reigns vs. BORK LASER for the Unified WWE Universal World Heavyweight Undisputed Championship of the WWE Universe. Roman wins and continues on a multi-year reign of Bob Backlund-esque proportions until whenever Bron Breakker is ready to beat him two or three Wrestlemanias from now.
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Ronda Rousey vs. Charlotte for the Smackdown women’s championship. Ronda wins this one to set us up for the eventual Ronda vs. Becky singles match that we should’ve gotten all the way back in 2018.
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Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair for the Raw women’s championship. Bianca wins to get even with Becky for getting screwed back at Summerslam, but Becky eventually gets the belt back in time for next 'Mania when she and Ronda have that match for all the gold.
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The Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rick Boogs for the Smackdown tag titles. The Usos retain so that they can celebrate with Roman at the end of the show and the Bloodline can go out with all the gold.
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RK-Bro vs. Alpha Academy vs. Street Profits for the Raw tag titles. I predict the Street Profits are gonna get that smoke.
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Carmella & Zelina Vega vs. Shayna Baszler & Natalya vs. Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley vs. Naomi & Sasha Banks for the women’s tag titles. This is a “You get a Wrestlemania payday! And YOU get a Wrestlemania payday! EVERYONE GETS A WRESTLEMANIA PAYDAY!” match that really doesn’t matter much, so Carmella & Zelina retain.
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Kevin Owens vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. It’s not clear yet whether this is going to me an actual match or just a brawl, but it’s supposedly going to be closing Night One, so either way I predict an easy squash victory for Austin to send the Texans home happy and to keep things simple since the old man probably isn’t cleared to take any bumps.
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Sami Zayn vs. Johnny Knoxville. Knoxville wins because he’s a babyface celebrity and because Sami seems relegated to permanent butt-monkey status at this point. I doubt he’s gonna blow anyone away like Bad Bunny did last year, but he’ll probably pull off at least one insane stunt.
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The Mysterios vs. Miz and Logan Paul. I absolutely hate Logan Paul and I hope to God that the Mysterios cream his corn, but I have a feeling his team is going to win.
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Drew McIntyre vs. Baron Corbin Gimmick #7. Easy win for Drew.
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Kofi Kingston & Xavier Woods vs. Sheamus & Ridge Holland. This was supposed to be a trios match with Pete Dunne as the third man on Team Fella before Big E’s injury. I’m predicting Sheamus & Ridge win to keep the feud alive until Big E is back on his feet.
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Seth Rollins vs. TBA. This is probably going to be a returning Cody Rhodes, or possibly Bray Wyatt. Either way, TBA wins.
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Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory. Theory is Vince’s latest pet project and McAfee has no business wrestling on this show, so Theory wins.
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Edge vs. AJ Styles. I’m gonna say AJ wins this one and they keep the feud going for a couple more PPV cycles.
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Omos vs. Bobby Lashley. BIG HOSS FIGHT! Lashley wins.
I have little interest in watching WM this year. RR vs Brock is intriguing to see who Heyman betrays or double betrays, and Lynch/Belair would be good if Vince doesn’t somehow suddenly suck the life out of it, but the rest of the card is just ehhh.
I’m with @Knowed_Out. WWE gets credit for actually working to build the matches, but loses all the credit in piss-poor execution. Only exception is Reigns. The rest feel like standard PVE builds, not WrestleMania builds. WWE hasn’t sold me on WM being a special PVE. It’s just a 2-day PVE.
Night One
Charlotte Flair vs. Ronda Rousey, Smackdown Women’s Championship Match : Ronda, with almost 100% certainty.
Becky Lynch vs. Bianca Belair, Raw Women’s Championship Match : Belair wins the belt.
Seth Rollins vs. TBA : The mystery opponent. Not sure it’ll necessarily be Cody, though.
Rey Mysterio & Dominik Mysterio vs. The Miz & Logan Paul : The babyfaces win, Paul turns on Miz after the match.
The Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Rick Boogs, Smackdown Tag Team Championship Match : Usos retain.
Drew McIntyre vs. Happy Corbin : McIntyre wins.
King Woods & Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus & Ridge Holland : Gotta give it to New Day, after Big E’s injury.
Night Two
Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns, Winner Takes All for the WWE and Universal Championships : I think Lesnar wins the belt. Ugh. See you in three months.
Edge vs. A.J. Styles : AJ wins.
RK-Bro vs. The Street Profits vs. Alpha Academy, Triple Threat Match for the Raw Tag Team Championship : RK-Bro win and retain.
Bobby Lashley vs. Omos : I think Lashley wins by DQ maybe. I don’t see them jobbing Omos yet.
Johnny Knoxville vs. Sami Zayn, Anything Goes Match : Zayn wins.
Pat McAfee vs. Austin Theory : McAfee wins.
Queen Zelina & Carmella vs. Rhea Ripley & Liv Morgan vs. Sasha Banks & Naomi vs. Natalya & Shayna Baszler, Fatal Four-Way Match for the Women’s Tag Team Championships : Ripley and Morgan.
3 of these matches involve celebrities, and losing to a celebrity pretty much means you will be a jobber for life, which started happening to Sami Zayn after he lost the IC title. Sorry, Austin.
Boogs, Nakamura, Happy Corbin and the New Day are pretty much cartoon characters at this point. Matt Riddle still has enough of a unique style of wrestling to prevent him from totally becoming the stoner Bugs Bunny, but that’s debatable.
There’s still speculation about Rousey and Lesnar sticking around for the long run. Plus, with the rash of releases WWE had earlier, how many of these matches will be the last for some current WWE talent? I just don’t see long-term investment here.
Anyway, I’m probably wrong and this will be the greatest WM ever, but I’m still not renewing The 'Cock.
And Seth’s mystery opponent is Cody, with his AEW theme music, entrance, and all.
did anyone ever really believe anything different ?
I wasn’t too impressed with Night One. Bianca/Charlotte and Seth/Cody were great matches, but other than that, not so much. I was pretty surprised that they let Cody keep his AEW theme music and “American Nightmare” nickname, so I guess Cody has learned a thing or two about contract negotiations in his time running the business side of a promotion. Charlotte beat Ronda with the same tired old ref bump sequence wrestling has been relying on since the ‘40s, and they had to cut the video feed more than once due to her breasts popping out of her top. Logan Paul beat the Mysterios and then had Miz turn on him for no apparent reason. The opening tag titles match had to be cut short when Rick Boogs’ ACL gave out from the strain of trying to hold both Usos upright at the same time, and despite that match running short they padded out the show with so many video packages and other nonsense that they had to cut the New Day’s match. Even the Austin/Owens main event, which was better than I expected, wasn’t all that exciting since there was no way in Hell Owens was going to win.
Overall I give it a C-.
Well, I guess Cody wasn’t pulling the ultimate swerve after all. Shows to go ya, never say never in wrestling. Someday we’ll see Alberto Del Rio back in WWE.
I know the charges were dropped, but I don’t want that guy anywhere near WWE.
Bianca/Becky was the match of the night; I wanted those two to fight forever.
Unpacking some things from night one of WrestleMania 38:
The Miz has basically turned on every tag-team partner he’s ever had. He got a pretty big pop for hitting that Skull Crushing Finale on Logan Paul, though. If there’s anyone who’s not going to get a face reaction, it’s that jerk.
Apparently, Cody Rhodes is going to be a member of the Monday Night RAW roster, if his podcast interview on The Ringer Wrestling Show on Spotify is any indication. He also said that he made it clear to Vince that he had to come back as The American Nightmare, and Vince said, “Well, it’s not broke.”
Bryan Alvarez of Figure 4 Weekly Online says that upon hearing her match with Charlotte had been bumped from the main event slot in favor of Austin/Owens, Ronda Rousey was furious and almost quit WWE. Take that with a grain of salt, but it fits my personal headcanon of Rousey being a strutting egotist. Rousey/Charlotte was um NOT GOOD, especially compared to Becky/Bianca, an early Match of the Year candidate, and of course you’ve gotta send the fans home happy with what turned out to indeed be Austin’s first match in 19 years.
Not that anyone really cares about this feud, including me, and I love me some Kofi, but the New Day vs. Sheamus/Ridge Holland match, which was cut from Night One, will in fact take place at Night Two. I still think it was incredibly inconsistent of WWE to show Big E being dropped on his head and having his neck broken, while cutting away from the two Conchairtos Edge delivered to Styles.
The video packages on a PPV/PVE always annoy me. I guess they want to tell the 10 people in the audience who don’t follow wrestling why these people are fighting, but does it matter? If they don’t follow wrestling, they don’t care why the people are fighting. And 99.99% have been following, and don’t need reminding!
I agree with you with the uselessness of the recaps on all of the PPVs save one - WrestleMania.
Mania is the one event, maybe along with the Rumble, that us casual fans** who probably should be watching more but haven’t all tune in to watch. I agree with you that the folks who are watching the other PPV events are more up-to-date on feuds and storylines than casual fans and probably don’t need the recaps, but you have to keep them for Mania for us folks who only watch the 1-2 big shows a year.
Having said that, they could make Mania at least 2 hours shorter if they cut all those promos in half along with the commercials for the Network that seem to eat up 15-20 minutes between every match.
** My bonafides: Vince got me at age 11 in 1985. Was one of the ‘93,000’ in attendance at WMIII. Dropped out around 1991 when my teenage interest in cars, music and girls surpassed that of pro wrestling. Got re-hooked in 1998 after watching “Wrestling With Shadows” and that run lasted a decade, attending several PPVs and WM23 in person. Re-hooked a second time in 2014 with the advent of the network, watched religiously for a few years before dropping off around 2019. But I still watch the Rumble and Mania every year.
What would need to happen for each of them to retain a belt?
Papa Shango runs out and causes a DQ?
Heh. At that, forget the bit about retaining the belts; what could keep them from getting unified at all?
Jack Tunney, of course. 
Sami Zayn vs. Johnny Knoxville is possibly the dumbest wrestling match I’ve ever seen, and yet I couldn’t stop smiling for the entire time. The whole thing was hilarious nonsense that belongs in a Looney Tunes short rather than a wrestling ring and would probably give Jim Cornette a heart attack if you made him sit through it.