Precisely nothing will happen because no one cares if a wrestler dies unless it’s steroid related
Just got around to watching Max Landis’ Triple H parody. It’s really good.
A weird, but not entirely bad RAW yesterday.
I rather enjoyed the Sting segment to start the show because it was pretty cool to hear him talk (finally) and not just scowl angrily. He did really well on the mic too and didn’t seem nervous/out-of-practice. When was the last time he was on TV? It was back in his TNA days I would assume. I also noticed towards the end of the segment that even though he was wearing a tshirt (a right call I’m assuming) he looked good. The end of the segment was stupid because not only is bat > sledgehammer apparently, but the “did he lay his hands on you” was also stupid because she was gonna slap him and he stopped her, he didn’t do shit.
The rest of the night (in no particular order):
At least the Bellas/Paig-jay match was a singles match+ as opposed to yet ANOTHER tag team match that they will rehash on Sunday. I’m not a fan of the “I’m mad at you because you hit me even though you meant to do something else” gimmick because, I mean, they’re on goddamn tv, just look at the video. I gotta say when they said the title was on the line I paused and payed a liiiiiittttllleee bit more attention to the match because they throw the title around willy-nilly.
The IC people tag match was good too. Good spots from everyone, a decent match, and we got to see DA start dancing. It was, again, a way to see everyone without just rehashing the same damn match we’re getting on Sunday. Except, they later did that EXACT SAME THING AND I HATE IT. I’ve seen ladder matches before, I know what goes on…why can’t you let me imagine it until I finally get to see the real thing instead of spoon feeding me an adjace version?
I loved the Snoop Dogg/Curtis Axel/Hulk Hogan bit. Thought Snoop did really well on the mic (again, delivered his lines well) and Hogan was a surprise to me. Hogan is looking much bigger/less leathery/flabby as well. Are the rumors of him gearing up for one last match true? Based on last night I wouldn’t doubt it.
Torito got the win! Women aren’t people lol! Although the Burger King segment was funny to me. #loldomesticabuse
I’ll skip to the end cuz I’m running out of time before meeting day: I liked (didn’t love) the end. Ms. Cups was less impressed, but I liked how they did a face-to-face that didn’t involve a stupid fight, with SPEARS SPEARS SPEARS, and a fake preview of Sunday. Nope they did it like a boxing match. The two guys face to face! Each holding the belt! They’re practically even! How will it play out? Come watch on Sunday instead of just watching now.
I have the “Death of WCW” book, and one of the things the Authors say is that when WCW was killing the WWF at the Monday Night Wars, one of the things they smartly did was hold off the Sting/Hogan match. Always teasing, always getting close…but never doing it. It’s one of the things I’ve enjoyed about this Lesnar experiment. If I want to truly see him in a match I have to do it on a PPV. It’s why I was sooooo pissed last week or two weeks ago when Rollins said “I accept your match at Wrestlemania…but only if you fight me tonight!” Well then why the fuck am I waiting until Mania? So yeah, thanks WWE for not actually showing me Lesnar and Reigns fight and forcing me to wait until Sunday.
I didn’t watch Raw last night, and my browser crashed while I was writing a review of Mick Foley’s standup show that I went to on Saturday night, so I’ll just say this;
Happy 50th birthday, Undertaker.
Was not a particularly exciting show. I hate the “run the same or mostly same match as you’ll see at (PPV)” because you know they’re not going to go balls out and risk injury, and it cheapens the PPV event. (“Didn’t we see this last week?”)
At this point I would pay real money to see Charlotte and Sasha stroll in during the Bella’s match and lay everyone except Paige out. Then form a unit and say “We can and will kick any Diva’s ass. We will not wrestle in costumes or lingerie, we will not wrestle in mud or pudding. We are professional athletes, and we’re here to put on a show, just like the men. Oh, and the next Producer who schedules us in one of those matches or gives us two minutes… Ends the night without their testicles.”
As always, WWE is completely free to use any idea that I post at the price of a Dean Ambrose hoodie in size XL; or both Finn Balor and Kevin Owens t-shirts in size XL; or a ticket to an upcoming show in Minneapolis, anywhere in the building; or a ticket to NXT in Florida. I’ll sign any waver you want.
Items must be proclaimed a ‘personal gift’ from Vince or Triple H, as I don’t want to pay taxes on it.
Damn, he’s 50? Damn.
Thought he was older than that.
Also 2 videos later you can see the trailer for E:60’s special on NXT coming out in May.
Has wrestling gotten this much mainstream attention in recent years?
I know–he barely looked a day over 70 last year at WM.
Anyhow, Brock. This officially introduces some element of doubt to the WM (presumed) main event.
LllllAdies and GENTlemen, MY NAME-uh is PAUL-uh HEYman-uh, and I WILL be TAKEing Over for LAna tonight… YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK… THAT is HALF the CONtent of RAW THESE DAYS…
Let’s see, I got a good laugh when Luke Harper covered Stardust’s ears when the fans were chanting CODY. I also snickered when the ESPN guy said he prepped for debate with JBL by arguing with his 7-year old son. I slobbered upon seeing Paige in fishnets again. But I wanna see some ACTION. RoH, NXT, LU, have more action in 1 hour than RAW does in 3. YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK YAK
Hey, is there some way us Dopers of Straight can chat online during WM?
Could do a Google Hangout thing. I’m not sure what my plan is for WM: Playbutton, but I’m probably going to be watching it now. If I’m watching it solo, could certainly be on a Google Hangout with y’all.
Yeah I’m all for a hangout.
I’ll be watching it on the network and talking with Ms. Cups through it all, so I’ll have plenty of opinions to go around 
I see several possible scenarios now:
- Brock wins, Rollins cashes. Brock now a face. Heyman a face.
- Brock wins. Rollins cashes. Heyman turns on Brock. Brock face, but Heyman now authority heel.
- Reigns wins with help of Heyman. Brock face, Reigns heel.
- Brock wins. Rollins cashes. Reigns helps Rollins. Brock face, Reigns heel.
If Heyman turns on Brock, it does present a problem because they need the man as a substitute for all the weeks Brock is off. I think from a story standpoint Brock cannot leave as champion.There needs to be a money in the bank payoff. Perhaps:
Brock wins. Rollins tries to cash, and Reigns prevents it. This sets up Reigns/Rollins and perhaps makes both Brock and Reigns faces.
Number 4 is the best out of those for me. I can’t see a reason for Hayman to be a part of The Authority since he’s already acting heel (though fans love him as a face) and no one who’s really running heel needs a mouthpiece like that. Plus I see no motivation for him to turn on Brrrrrrrock.
I love the thought of Reigns running heel. His mic deficiencies can easily be covered if he’s just an asshole.
And If your long-term goal is a popular Reigns, a tried and true method is to first make him a mega-heel and then turn him face later on. This gives Reigns a chance to improve and to get the fans invested in him.
I’m kinda betting it’s going to be one of;
- Reigns wins, Rollins tries to cash in and fails. Reigns stands tall at the end of the show.
- Brock wins, Rollins tries to cash in and fails. Brock is still the undefeated monster.
I think 6 if Brock is re-signing and they want to go with the Quarterly Defending Champ and use the IC and US Titles as the weekly show titles, which appears to be the direction they’re heading, especially if Cena and Bryan end up with those titles.
- Finger Poke of Doom. Brock pokes Roman in the chest, he falls over and is pinned. He gets up, shakes Brock and Heyman’s hands and raises Brock’s hand in victory. Announcers and entire audience going “WTF did we just see?”
The next night on RAW, the three of them come out together. Reigns puts over Lesnar as unstoppable, says he’s smart and signed on with Team Heyman, and they’re taking ALL of the belts, starting with a tag team championship match and an IC title match against DBD.
They win the tag titles.
Reigns wins the IC Title.
They beat the ever loving crap out of Cena and say they’re coming for the US title on Smackdown.
End of the week; Reigns has Tag, IC and US titles. Brock has WWE Hvy Title and tag title. Team Heyman has all the gold.
Heyman and/or Reigns around for every TV Show, Lesnar only for the major PPVs and an occasional RAW appearance.
As always, WWE is completely free to use any idea that I post at the price of a Dean Ambrose hoodie in size XL; or both Finn Balor and Kevin Owens t-shirts in size XL; or a ticket to an upcoming show in Minneapolis, anywhere in the building; or a ticket to NXT in Florida. I’ll sign any waver you want.
Items must be proclaimed a ‘personal gift’ from Vince or Triple H, as I don’t want to pay taxes on it.
Well, there’s only a few potholes left on the Road To WrestleMania, so I guess it’s time for another round of Uncle Smapti’s Completely Infallible and Never Ever Wrong Predictions*, listed in roughly the order I predict they’ll go on;
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Pre-show match for the tag titles; Cesaro & Tyson Kidd vs. the Usos, Los Matadores, and New Day. It’s a sign of how bloated and full of chaff (LL Cool J? Really?) WrestleMania has become that they don’t have room for nine matches in a four-hour time slot. It’s also worth noting that this is the second year in a row that the pre-show match has been a four-way for the tag titles. Anyway, the Matadores and New Day are both comedy teams, so the chances of either of them winning are next to nil. There’s a possibility the Usos could pick up their third tag title reign, but it’s a slim one - Jey has an injured shoulder and has been out of action the last few weeks, and is likely to spend most of this match on the apron and then take another few weeks off. I say the Cesaro Kids retain here and end up dropping the belts in a month or two to, let’s say, the Prime Time Players (since Vince has apparently already grown bored with the Ascension).
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Ladder match for the IC title; Bad News Barrett vs. Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, Luke Harper, Dolph Ziggler, Stardust, and R-Truth. Bryan is the favorite to win this match, especially if Lesnar retains in the main event and they want to elevate the secondary titles for PPVs he isn’t at. I have to predict my hometown boy wins here, although I’d be just as happy with Ambrose, Ziggler, or Stardust winning the belt. (Perhaps almost getting his hands on the belt, the current version of which he himself reintroduced a few years back, is what gets Cody Rhodes to snap out of his insanity?) Honestly, I’ll be happy as long as Barrett doesn’t retain - get him out of the ring and make him the first post-Authority GM of Raw. “Now I know you thought the fall of the Authority would mean we wouldn’t be starting every single show with a talking segment, but I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news!”
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Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton. The Authority’s golden boy vs. their former golden boy. This ought to be a barnburner of a match. My inner cynic tells me there’ll be some kind of BS ending involving the stooges and Rollins will pick up the win, but I think Orton needs to win here. This should be the show at which the Authority is completely decimated to the point that they fall apart and the entire angle (which has long since passed its sell-by date at this point) can be put to an end. For story purposes, I’d do a post match segment where Trips/Steph give Rollins an ultimatum; if he expects any more help or protection from them, he has to cash in tonight and leave as world champion.
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Andre the Giant battle royal, a.k.a. the “make sure every single person on the roster gets a WrestleMania payday” match. (Hell, for last year’s go they even managed to get David Otunga and Brad Maddox into the ring.) There’s really not any solid story going into this match and just about anyone could win since it doesn’t count for anything, so I’ll say… the Ascension are the last two guys in the ring, they jump out and hit the floor at the same time, and are declared co-winners and spend the next few weeks bragging about how they’re better than Andre the Giant. In the meantime, Kane and Big Show will eliminate each other, Damien Sandow will eliminate the Miz, Sheamus will return and go heel, Curtis Axel will somehow fail to make it to the ring, one or two NXT guys will make a strong showing and then get eliminated like nothing, and Mark Henry will be eliminated by El Torito somehow.
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Cena vs. Rusev. CENAWINSLOL. This has been pretty much destined ever since Rusev finished beating the rest of the all-American babyface wrestlers, and even though I said back in December that this match should be for the title, I didn’t really think they would make it for the title. Cena gives Rusev his first loss (possibly, for ironic value, via submission or getting Lana to throw in the towel), becomes US champion, and main-events PPVs for the next few months.
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AJ and Paige vs. the Bella Twins. Why isn’t this the pre-show match? It’s completely inconsequential and I’m pretty sure that they’ve done variations on this match setup about two hundred times in the last year. I’d say that what makes the most sense from a story perspective is for Brie to turn on Nikki and cost her the match, but another Bellas feud is the last thing anyone wants to see, so let’s just hope they win clean.
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Bray Wyatt vs. the Undertaker. 'Taker wins. 'Nuff said. I’ve heard speculation that WWE wants to reveal that Bray is the Undertaker’s son, which could work well for the finish - 'Taker is down for the count and Bray grabs a mic and starts cutting a promo. “I used to be so afraid of you. But now I see you’re not a god, you’re not the unstoppable demon I thought you were. You’re just a man. And I’m not afraid of you anymore. Do you hear me? I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, FATHER!” And then 'Taker sits back up, climbs to his feet, and Tombstones Bray for the win.
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Triple H vs. Sting. This is one of the few matches I’m looking forward to. I’m gonna have to give it to Sting - Trips pulls out every dirty trick in the book he can think of, but Sting comes out on top in the end to vanquish yet another corrupt authority.
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Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns for the world title. This match was supposed to be the coronation of Top Megaface Roman Reigns. And yet, WWE has completely screwed up in booking Roman as either a fan favorite or someone who can credibly beat the one who put the 1 in 21 and 1. Roman lost a lot of momentum when he was injured, and the 50-50 “make sure nobody gets over” booking and goofy promos he started doing when he came back didn’t help him any. The booking has failed to the extent that, in the end of Raw, a man who should be entitled to heel heat for life was getting “Let’s go Lesnar!” chants, and Roman holding up the title belt (after a tug of war that made him look like an eight-year-old) got a cavalcade of boos. Vince was said to be hoping for smark heat on Lesnar since he was going to be leaving after WrestleMania, but now Brock has re-signed and his signing is even attracting the one thing that Vince craves more than anything in the world - mainstream media attention.
Vince has been utterly stubborn about continuing to push Reigns no matter what, but it’s very likely at this point that Brock gets a big pop when he enters and Reigns gets a lukewarm response at best, outright boos and catcalls at worst. Vince may very well not even decide how to end the match until it’s already underway and he gauges the crowd reaction, but there’s only one best-for-business solution here - Brock has to win the match. Keep the title on him, continue using him as the “special attraction” main-eventer every few months so that seeing the world champion in a match can be a rare treat and something you have to subscribe to the Network for, and give Roman another year or so to mature as a wrestler (and maybe an IC/US run in the meantime) before he grabs the brass ring. Maybe Paul Heyman becomes so impressed by Roman’s effort during the match that he decides to represent him going forward, which eliminates the need for Roman to do his own promos and gives Paul an excuse to be on TV while Brock is off hunting man for sport or whatever he does in his downtime.
If Rollins cashes in (as I said he should), he should be unsuccessful - either Lesnar goes into BRAWK CRUSH mode and utterly destroys both him and the stooges, or Roman interferes and costs him the match, setting up Reigns/Rollins for a future show and helping him get some of his face momentum back.
(Bonus benefit of Brock retaining; if he holds the belt past November, JBL will be able to dust off his talking point about THAT’S THE LONGEST-REIGNING CHAMPION OF THE MODERN ERA MAGGLE!)
- if what I say doesn’t happen, it’s because Vince changed the plan in order to spite me
Do either Lesnar or Reigns have any sort of “double pin” move (i.e. a move where both wrestlers end up with their shoulders on the mat)? The only way Vince seems to know how to judge fan reaction between two wrestlers is a “pop contest” - have what appears to be a “double win” situation, tease a result for each wrestler (“Ladies and gentlemen, your winner is,” play one wrestler’s music, referees confer, “Ladies and gentlemen, your winner is,” play the other wrestler’s music, referees confer again), then restart the match, have both wrestlers knock each other out, then have a Rollins cash-in for the traditional WrestleMania Happy Ending.
My guess: if they do stick with Brock vs. Reigns as the final match, then I see a WM IX finish; Reigns wins, the crowd boos, then Rollins cashes in MITB. However, I wouldn’t be a surprise if they call an audible and move Sting-Trips to the finale, in which case Lesnar retains and a Sting victory sends the crowd home happy.
There’s one scenario that I can’t stop thinking about:
- Rollins wins the title, and the crowd boos him out of Levis Stadium.
- Monday night on RAW, Rollins gets booed out of the Shark Tank. (If it was the night after any other PPV, I would expect the Rollins cash-in on RAW, but I think Vince wants to stick to the “happy ending” for WM.)
- Vince, not particularly happy that his chosen one is not accepted by the fans, orders that the next house show planned for northern California be mysteriously cancelled. (I am convinced that Vince did something similar in New York back in the days of the Edge / Lita / Matt Hardy triangle, when Vince gave Edge the push and the Madison Square Garden crowd sided with Hardy.)
As for why the Divas match isn’t the pre-show match: two words - Bathroom Break.