My 10-year-old daughter came into the house tonight and reported that the kid down the street, in a passion of fury, had said to her, “Well–well–YOUR MOTHER SUCKS HER OWN PENIS!!”"
She said in puzzlement, “That doesn’t make sense–does it?”
Anybody else ever been insulted, and you went, “Huh?”
When I was in second grade, in a little war of words a kid said to me, “Ya, well, I went to you house to ask you mom what you had for breakfast, she opened her legs and said ‘Oatmeal.’” I was in second grade, and had no idea what he was talking about.
It wasn’t until later when we were learning about VD and yeast infections in sex-ed that I suddenly said, “Oh.”
This isn’t exactly the same, but I felt dumb anyway.
I was talking about pickup lines with some guy, and later, after the conversation was over he said to me ‘You have the whitest teeth I ever came across’. And I said, ‘but, but, I have braces’. He laughed, and I didn’t get it until a half hour later but I felt too stupid to tell him I thought it was funny…
I knew a guy in high school named Ed. He was repulsive, and a social retard. He had red hair, and he was ugly, and I kind of felt bad for him, but he had a very his nasty attitude. Later on I found out that he had a huge crush on me, but his way of showing it was by bothering me. We would sling insults back and forth, nothing serious, just typical teenage things, like “Bon Jovi sucks, Metallica kicks ass”, and so on. Eventually we started ragging on each other, and I would call him names like Special Ed, Yeti, and Pumpkin 'Ed. I even made up a little rhyme (“Some people smell like cocky, some people smell like doody, some people smell like Eddie, and that’s the worst of all” I know, very mature…hey, I was 14 and a real bitch). Finally one day, I guess he had as much as he could take, and he roared back at me “You look like a thin Roseanne Barr!”
Huh?
P.S. Special Ed and I had remained friendly since high school (Class of '91), mainly because he is best friends with my ex-roommie’s brother. At my October wedding, my other friend heard him say “Oh well, I guess she’ll never go out with me now”. Poor guy.
Rose
When I was in middle school, a bunch of guys used to mangle my last name and call me “Carwash”. For some reason, it really offended me, but looking back I can’t imagine why. Then again, I was very insecure about my body at the time (early bloomer) and was suspicious of everything, including one poor guy who asked me to a dance and got a “Very funny” in response. :o