When insults go wrong...

So I was sitting out having a smoke at work. One of the women from the cage (I work in a casino) and a security guard were bickering at each other. They both have a lot of attitude and love giving each other shit.

So the woman said something that I missed. The security guard came back with ‘Yeah lady, my face and your ass…’

About 10 seconds went by before everyone burst out laughing. Which was followed by about 10 minutes of nearly hysterical laughter.


I believe she said, “Do you have a match?” At least, that was the way the joke went when I was in junior high.

In high school a classmate said, ‘The day that you kill me will be the day that I die!’

Funny, in my junior high, the punch line went “YOUR face and MY ass.”

Right, and he messed up the line. That’s why everyone laughed so long.

At least it wasn’t on live television like this WCW blooper…

My daughter, when aged about 12 was furious with me and burst out “I’m going to pay you for this”

More recently we were playing at insulting each other:

Her: Yeah? Well, YOUR mother.
Me: Yeah? Well, YOUR mother … hmmmm :smack:

When my sister and I were kids, my dad once pulled the silly “does your face hurt?”/“no”/“well it’s hurting me!” joke on one of us. So my sister, who was about six, decided to do it back to him.

My sister, to my dad: Does your face hurt?
My dad, playing along: No.
My sister: Mine does!!! …wait, that’s not what I meant!

But it was too late, we were all cracking up.

We still tease her with that line every now and again. She’s 26 now.

That one never gets old :smiley:

And we had “My ass - your face!”. I love regional variations.

I was going to jump in with one just about like the OP, where my sister was the one who blew the slam. Oh well.
One other thing she said was “If I had a dog as ugly as you, I’d shave it’s ass and teach it to walk backwards…”

Fast forward a lot of years, where we are now both married. I had a Boxer that had a growth on her butt that had to be removed, so of course the vet shaved and excised the lump (it turned out to be impacted fur, BTW). I grabbed a pair of sunglasses, put them on the dog so they rested on the stub tail like a nose, and took a picture. I e-mailed it to her, and she got the joke right away.

When I was 11 or 12, I learned about the danger to the baby if a woman smokes while pregnant. As an older sibling, it was, of course, my endless quest to torment my little brother; so, armed with this new information, I said to my mother, with little brother present: “Now I know why LB is so stupid! You smoked when you were pregnant with him, right?”

Mom: “No, I quit when I was trying to get pregnant. I smoked when I was pregnant with you, though.”


Please tell us you still have that image file … please please please please please!

“Mcnally, you disappoint me.”
“Yeah that’s what your mom said last night! Wait…”

I’ve probably posted this before, but I expect one or two lost souls have never heard the tale.

When my youngest sister was a pre-teen brat, she was being a typical, well, brat. My brother, 9 years her senior, said “Quit acting like an idiot!”

To which she responded “Who’s acting??”


I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the witty rejoinder she’d intended.

My friend Lisa to my friend Joe: Joe, stop being a smartass.

Joe: Fine. I’ll be a dumbass then.

Lisa: And that would be change from every other day how?

The look on Joe’s face when the penny dropped a second or so later was stellar.