Go-to insults

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Go-to insults: You’ve probably got a few that you carry in your pocket. Ones that are ready at a moment’s notice whenever the occasion begs. Ones that have at least a smattering of style and rise a half step above simply shouting an obscenity in a deserving soul’s face. What are your favorites and for what occasions?

  • Interrupters:
    “Excuse me, this is an A - B conversation. C’s got nothing the F*** to do with it”
2

I use this one with “so C your way out of it.”

3

You know, [insert target’s name here], between you and me, we know everything there is to know in the world. You know everything except for the fact that you are an insufferable jerk, and I know THAT!

4

Someone sees fit to interject themselves in a debate/discussion you’re having with another and takes their side -

“So you’re gonna co-sign that bullshit?”

5

Do you know who else has Go-to insults?

your mom.

6

“If your parents ever get around to getting married, make sure I get an invite!”

7

So’s yer old man!..

8

Bite a fart.

9

Go take a long walk on a short pier

10

OFF a short pier

11

“If I wanted uninformed opinion, I’d watch Fox.”

12

Your face is a go-to insult!

13

Sick burn.
I like:

“Your momma is so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck.”

14

In an effort to minimize the amount of obscenities I have been known to spew, I choose to call and offensive individual a cheese log. There’s no real logic or history to the term - I just used it once and liked the way it sounded and felt. It works for me.

15

It must take you an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.

16

My brother and I make fun of each other’s mom quite a bit.

17

“You were a nice man (or woman) when you were young.”

18

Neckbeard hipster

19

Swarthy uncut heathen

20

Had a coworker (G) use this on another coworker (J) several years ago. (J) always interjected about virtually any subject being discussed and always had a better answer, better equipment, better everything…

(G) Discussing something about kayaking
(J) “Hey, I have this great kayak! It’s much better than the one you’re using… Blah blah blah…”
(G) [Turning to the other coworker he was talking with] “Looks like we’ve got us a sexual intellectual”
(J) “What’s that?”
(G) “A Fucking Knowitall”

Classic!