Anyone else had the meetup.com blues?

In My Humble Opinion
1

The idea intrigued me: an online conduit to IRL experience that wasn’t a dating site. I have nothing against dating sites, but after briefly trying a handful of them, I lost faith and interest.

I learned about meetup.com from an online pen-pal who’d joined an atheists meetup only to find out that it wasn’t a discussion group as she’d hoped, and which it may well have been in its original inception, but had turned into a dating group by the time she arrived. When she attended a meeting or two looking for conversation but only received it from males who wanted to date her, or the brush-off from guys out of her league, or conversation with other women who only wanted to come up for air after flirting with guys, she bailed.

With this in mind I was selective about which groups I joined. A high male to female ratio, regardless of the groups purpose, pretty much guaranteed I’d experience what I’d had enough of back in college: walking through a door to see that unmistakable moment of recognition turned to disappointment on a roomful of male faces.

I joined meetups for middle-aged people like myself and older, but most of these groups withered from lack of participation (due to Death’s tireless scythe, for all I knew). Or they were maintained by and for retirees who scheduled the meetings at 7AM on weekdays.

One group that held promise had as its stated goal the discussion of unsatisfactory relationships. We’d start out talking about bad boyfriends, girlfriends, etc, and, of course, wind up talking about our parents. Worthwhile stuff to discuss, but we kept it light and conversational (mostly because the other members were either in therapy or in 12-step recovery groups, so we knew this wasn’t the main event for these issues). But when guys started to visit the group with no interest other than meeting vulnerable women, things got icy. (But I’ll admit it was a insight into an aspect of the male psyche I’d never had the nerve nor honestly felt the urge to attempt).

I’m down to my last meetup group - a group with a mercifully low pH factor (pH = “pussy hound”), and although its organizer disappeared several months ago, the other members have kept posting in to the site saying “well, let’s have meetings anyway, this group is still a great idea!” So I stepped up and found locations we could meet, and e-mailed the other members asking if they were still interested. Response: the cricket chirps were deafening.

So should we all just stay in our homes on computers where we feel safe? One hundred years ago the average person could expect to encounter horses on a regular basis in their daily lives but today such an encounter would be unusual. Will less contact with other people be the next step?

2

I don’t know, but I think so. I know I see fewer people between my job and school (online). I email or IM friends and there is always the Dope. Usually this is fine, but sometimes I long for causual, friendly (not dating) company of both sexes.

3

I think this thread is more appropriate for IMHO than the Pit. I’ll move it there.

4

My husband and I have started a meetup group for British expats in our area. Had one meetup so far and it went well. No pH factor at all—we were all couples aside from one much older lady. Our next meetup has a few singles comings, so we will see.

5

I’m don’t have any experience with meetup… but I’ve heard of it. Thanks for providing some insight, that’s interesting. It sucks that most of the groups are mainly meet markets… People can be so flaky.

6

I’ve had reasonalbe success with setting up a readers’ group in my town. Use craisgslist or put up an ad to advertise that you’re holding regular meetings (once a month or so) when you all agree to have read a certain book and will discuss it. Most people want to read more and hope joining such a club will be an incentive, much like joining a gym will be for exercizing. Plus, you attract readers.

7

My spousal unit is VERY active in Meetups; being a former employee of the company. She goes to 3-4 meetups a month.

Since she organises them, they are focused on the topics du meetup, and have a relatively low pH factor. And they can flourish, but it seems to take concerted effort from 1-2 people, and (minimally) the willing apathy of the rest of the group.

To the OP:

If you lost your organizer, they can be replaced in the Meetup system. Contact me (my e-mail’s in my profile), and I’ll connect you with my spouse who knows how to work that aspect of Meetup’s system.
For social aspects, it seems that we have fewer people who drop in for the evening. We host a lot of events; themed dinners, card nights, movie nights, etc. But the just “hang out for the night” seems to have disappeared.

Eli

8

I live in the eastern suburbs of Cleveland. Most of the Meetup groups around here are based in the western suburbs. Almost every event of the “new in town” group, which I’m the most interested in, has been in the western suburbs.
How can I relate this to other dopers? Okay, let’s say you’re live in Evanston, just north of Chicago, and almost every Meetup event is in Boilingbrook, Joilet, Kankakee, and Valparaiso.

9

I haven’t done the meetup thing, but I have recently joined The Lunch Club and I find that so far it has been awesome. Not a way to meet a date but a way to meet other people who just want someone to hang out with on occasion. Sometimes I go to an event and there isn’t anyone there I am interested in talking to and sometimes I go and there are dozens of people I could be friends with ready to meet me. The best part of it though is that it isn’t a “lets just hang out at a bar” kind of thing, they have lots of events where you are active and entertained even if there is no one there you would want to see again later. I have gone to board game nights, off-off broadway plays, speed friending nights, museums, etc with them and it is always fun.