As I’ve said many times before on these boards, I had an exceptional mother. I know my father eventually confided in me, he thought he did too. (My paternal grandmother died when I was five. And she was already dying of terminal cancer. So I sometimes wonder if I ever really got to know her.)
I was just wondering if anyone on these boards thought that they had or have a supermom too. And go into detail.
How do you define the term? And has that term changed with time?
I suppose mine might fit the criteria, but not in a particularly good way (at first.) Unless I have your definition wrong and am thinking differently.
She was superbly accomplished - academically, professionally, A+ type overachiever, founded a big organization, got her own curriculum published far and wide in China - but for the first half of my life or so, she was extraordinarily cold or severe. Or, more than that - she was a great professional but a bad mother - for a decade or two.
Now, unlike most Asian “tiger moms,” she didn’t really care about grades. Never did she lecture my siblings or I about our test scores or anything. But she had a very strong tendency to project herself onto others. Since she wanted to learn violin in high school but never got the chance, she vicariously made up for it by forcing my sister - at age 4 - to practice the violin for hours a day. (At age 5, I had to practice the violin for an hour a day, too - and my reward for doing so would be…one sheet of paper to draw on for the day. Yup, just one sheet.) She could not understand that just because she didn’t get Thing XYZ in her youth didn’t mean that her children were obligated to get Thing XYZ. And she would project her political views as well, such as claiming that I was a diehard supporter of the political party she liked (even though I am not) because she felt “my son must be like me”.
She’s changed a lot, now, for the better. But growing up, it was a nightmare at times. She was someone who would have made an outstanding sports coach, CEO, boss, army general, school principal, etc. - but bad at the family or relational aspect of things. It was mostly fear and power but little love.
My parents were super parents. They rolls they played changed over time. My mom was definitely an 80’s lady, shoulder pads and all. She was a stay-at-home Mom until we reached school age and sewed all of our Halloween costumes. She would paint holiday murals on our front window, cook and clean, the whole shebang. When she started working she went from the customer facing evening shift worker to VP level in what must have been 5 years? By that time she was working 60 to 80 hour weeks depending on travel. She was still an organizational force in the family. She kept our weeks organized, planned all our vacations, got the ball rolling on everything. But by that time she wasn’t as present.
My Dad on the other hand had a college degree and worked for the government. His prospects were worse as far as being promoted or making more money, but he had a lot more time and a better schedule. He was the one that woke up at 6:00 for years so he could be home by 3:30 for us to get off the bus. He also spent years going in at 9 so he could pick us up at 5:30 after sports. He picked up most of the cooking and cleaning as my Mom worked more an more hours.
Luckily, when we were high school age, my Mom took a position with a local growing company that needed someone from the corporate world to guide them as them grew. She settled into 40 to 50 hour weeks and was able to go to our events again and be more present.
All in all it was kind of perfect. There weren’t a lot of gender rolls because everybody just had to get shit done. It taught us a lot about self-sufficiency. I was doing my laundry by 4th grade. Packing my lunches, starting dinners for my parents. At the same time my parents were always there for us, it was just a different expectation.
I had a Bionic Mom. Both hips, shoulders, and one knee hand been replaced.