Here I was, peacefully sipping my coffee and surfing around the net, when I decide to visit the Straight Dope. As usual, I do a quick scan of the main page while I wait for the boards to load, and what do I happen to notice? That damn pinworm article. I’m even stupid enough to go back to read it. Big mistake.
All I can think about while reading this article is how disgusting it would be to be stricken with such a malady. The idea of witnessing a white worm wriggling around outside someone’s ass is just beyond what I’m willing to imagine. It’s not only sickening, it’s disturbing.
“How lucky I am that I don’t have something like that?” is all I can think after reading it. Sheew.
Little did I know what was about to come. Once I finished that damn article and moved on to the boards, I started to feel funny. I can’t put my finger on it, just kind of funny. Then it hit me, my ass itches!!
The horror, the tragedy, the fear!
Why do I open these things? I know I’m only going to get myself upset, but I do it anyway. God save me from myself.
I was just sitting in my cube enjoying my lunch when I came across it. All I could picture were piles of squirmy worms in my salad and I had to stop reading. What if some nasty little worm-infested kid touched my food?! I don’t even dare check out what mblackwell posted. Well, maybe later . . . once the heebie jeebies are gone.
Maybe 2 or 3 Taco Bell Chilli Cheese Burritos will blast those wriggly sons o’ bitches to hell.
But seriously, everytime I read about any disease or condition, no matter how far fetched the likelyhood of having it is (bubonic plague, ebola, rickets), I start imagining the symptoms, just for a minute… I wonder if there’s a name for that? Other than being whacko.
Hey, my volleyball team was talking about this during season while we were getting ready for a game. I’ve never had them, and about 5 people on the team had, most of them being from Florida originally. It seems putting a bunch of girls together to talk can have more disgusting results than listening to guys talk about stuff.
Hell, you should try WRITING the report on pinworms! I did a lot of research, which I considerately boiled down for you folks. I also looked at quite a few yucky photos and illustrations, which I VERY considerately did not provide links to. I had this article in my file for at least a week, and I looked at it every day.
My butt still itches, and it worries me.
I plan to do my next Staff Report on baby carrots.
Since I suspect that there’s nothing about baby carrots that could make my butt itch, I support you in your literary efforts.
Now let us never speak of pinworms again.
(Although, I’ve gotta say, of all the wonderful columns that Cecil’s Little Helpers have written, this is the first truly Slug Signorio(sp-worthy column. Any chance of getting him to do an illustration? No other artist could capture the…um…nuances of this.)
Fenris, who’s butt didn’t itch before you wrote that column.
PS: I’ve heard dark rumors that the things sold as baby carrots are actually GROWN-UP carrots that have been pencil-sharpener-ed down to baby carrot size. Lynn, blow the lid off of this cover-up!
Eh, my ass itches all the time. It made no diff. Though I have developed a really harsh rash, not sure if the pinworms did anything to induce that. Ah well, off to the proctologist for me!!
Cant wait to go to bed tonight wondering if worms will come out of my ass to lay eggs on my butt.
[voice in my brain]dont itch, dont itch, dont itch[/voice in my brain]
HAMLET:
A man may fish with the worm that hath eat of a
king, and cat of the fish that hath fed of that worm.
KING CLAUDIUS:
What dost you mean by this?
HAMLET:
Nothing but to show you how a king may go a
progress through the guts of a beggar
–Hamlet, Act 4, Scene iii
