Anyone else try the new Starbucks cologne....

…called "eau de morning blend"applied liberally to the lap whilst driving 75 down the freeway…?

Fucking whimpy ass cups. The talls or “Grande” can’t even support their own weight, much less 30oz of eau de morning blend.
I’m thinking that the only reason it’s called “morning blend” is because drinking the stuff is likely to instigate a bowel movement and the aroma of each is approximately identical. I drink the stuff for the kick, not the flavor.
Continuing;
No wonder they offer the cup cozy with every order. The one micron of material between your hand and the 7,000 degrees of material inside the “cup” is insufficient to prevent third degree burns (unless your name is Human Torch)in a normal holding position and even less significant when heated as such. Now imagine the cup folding into a W shaped twist of mass between my knuckles and thumb as I attempt to sip as it slips. Then, imagine most of the lava being ejected from the “cup” as it glides swiftly and pointedly towards the ‘most vulnerable nether regions’ of my person.
Attempting to catch such a falling object and/or steer it clear of my groin area was clearly an effort in futility. Trying to stop the contents from further ejection even more so, as with a swift grab and a quick flip of the wrist the remaining molten material was dispersed broadly and evenly around the interior of the vehicle.

Well, that was nice. No immediate crotchal damage was done, now lets get off the fuckin freeway and survey the damage to the auto, shall we?
Good thing I just cleaned out the car a week earlier and removed a roll of paper towels and all my spare overnight clothes, thank god for that!
Limp over to the gas station to clean up a little. Can’t go to work in this condition. It looked like I murdered a brownish caffeine-laced-liquid machine with a sledghammer and a chainsaw, one in each hand.

I pull about 30 of the towels from the self-service window wash thingy next the gas pump and start to blot and wipe down the inside of the car.
Next, we must get some of these stains out of my jeans. My black shirt’ll be ok, but the jeans are on the light side and I don’t want to spend the rest of the day answering stupid questions.
Like, “Why does it smell like shit in here, and why are your pants all wet?”
No thanks.

I get cleaned up in the gas station bathroom (another thread) and thankfully the air hand dryer was up to the task, although I’m sure I pushed the limit of its capacity with a simulated continuous run load test. She’ll be alright.

Would it kill the owners of starbucks to maybe add another micron of paper to their cups? At least the taller ones? 87 zillion cups of coffe per day times 1 micron is 87 zillion microns of material per day. I’m sure someone in Starbucks land has done the cost/benefit analysis and decided to leave things the way they are.

Maybe a 50 jillion dollar lawsuit is in order?

It’s pledge time at NPR stations across America. Become a member, get a travel mug. Two problems solved.

Coordinate your beverage with your pants color of the day?

You definitely have a case! Assuming that is, that the hot coffee cauterized your vagina.

I think this thread belongs in Morning Pants Stains I Must Share.

You should sue them for their coffee being too hot.

Now that we’re in MPSIMS I can’t lay into you for crossing genders :stuck_out_tongue:

How 'bout sauted testicles? Wood that work?

I think with sauteed testicles you’d have “Wood that DON’T work.” Or, in other words… fantastic misspelling.