Algebraists do it in groups.
Real analysts do it continuously and almost everywhere.
Complex analysts don’t care if they do it or not, since for them, the imaginary part is just as good as the real part.
Pure mathematicians do it rigorously.
Logicians do it by symbolic manipulation.
Topologists prefer open sex.
Dynamicists do it chaotically.
Combinatorists do it in every possible permutation and combination, but they do it discretely.
So back in the good old days of communism in eastern Europe, some Polish mathematicians decide to flee the country and get to England. They sneak out to a small local airport, but someone alerts the authorities so they have police hot on their tails. One of them hops into the pilot’s seat and is trying to start it, hoping to escape before they get caught. The police are getting closer, and closer… “Why can’t you get this thing started!” one of them yells. The one at the controls replies… “I can’t help it. I’m just a simple Pole in the complex plane.”
groan
LOL. Thanks, I love it.
87% of all statistics are made up.
Well, here’s a geek joke, tangental to math at best.
I saw a guy on the IRT the other day wearing a T-Shirt that said
“Stop bothering me before I replace you with a very small shell script”
I heard this one on this board, but I don’t remember who posted it. Sorry, whoever you are.
The Mathemetician’s (or maybe physicist’s) alternate to the Interrupting Cow joke:
“Knock-knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting coefficient of friction.”
“Interrupting co…”
“MU!”
One of my faves, that I got from this very board…
Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?
A: To get to the same side
E3
The sad thing is that I read the title and clicked on it, thinking, “ooh! I hope that no one has used my favourite math riddle yet!” (yeah, riddle isn’t neccesarily a joke, but work with me, people!)
Here goes:
So you’re in rush hour traffic and stuck behind this one car. You see his license plate. It’s one of those vanity plates that you occasionally see. It says:
TAN 90
So what kind of car is it?
An Inifiniti
Thank you! Thankyouverymuch!
My calc 3 teacher said that we NEEDED to have vectors down pat for the class. So, “you’re gonna have to be VECTORious”. heh heh heh
Very, very sad…I had the same thought.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a grape?
(elephant)(grape)sin[symbol]q[/symbol]
I don’t know any particular math jokes (not being very mathematically inclined). I know one chemistry joke:
Poor little Willy
We’ll be seeing him no more
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
And, courtesy of a friend’s mom, who was taking a sadistics…I mean, statistics class:
Prof draws a distribution curve on the board with one large bump in the middle and says, “this is a unimodal curve.”
Draws a distribution curve on the board with two large bumps and says, “This is a bimodal curve”
Three Large Bumps: Trimodal
Four large bumps: Can anyone in the class tell me what this is?
Friend’s Mom: Quasimodal!
Here’s one I got ages ago…
“Drinking and calculus don’t mix. You should never drink and derive.” 
slinks away before things get thrown at her
<< “Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.” —Mike Barfield >>
I would repeat my joke about fractions, but most people don’t get the point.
The remaining 33% are flawed by miscalculation.
My dad has something horrible about mountain climbing and second derivatives, but I can’t quite recall the set up, so I’ll share my little sister’s first pun. She made this herself, mind you, when she was just a tiny baby girl.
Q: What do two and two make?
A: Four
Q:What do two and four make?
A:Six
Q: What do four and cars make?
A: Money! (foreign cars…)
The family was very proud.
This is the first time in all my years that I have ever laughed my ass off at a joke that I don’t even get. If anyone would like to explain it to me so I can laugh even harder I would greatly appreciate it
This always gets a laugh:
“What does a mathematician do when he has constipation?”
“He works it out with a pencil.”
Let me try to get this one right:
A mathematician was being interviewed for a university teaching job. The interviewer asked him what his preferred teaching assignment would be
"Well, I enjoy calculus, trigonometry, algebra and geometry, but I draw the line at graphing.
Oooh, ooh, mine hasn’t been said yet! Well the one my (very mad) maths lecturers told us one that his daughter got from Cambridge -
Two functions were walking down the street, one says to the other - ‘I hope we don’t get derivated’, the other says ‘I don’t care, I’m e^x [e to the power of x], it doesn’t affect me’. When they turn the corner a robber says ‘I’m d/dy!’
sorry
I’ve posted this on the boards a couple of times before, but what the hell.
The dairy farmer wants to know how to get the best production from his cows. He hires as consultants a psychologist, an architect, and a mathematician.
The psychologist says, “You’ll want to put a window in each of the cow’s stalls so they can see outside. Then you want to paint the stalls green. That way, they’ll be happier, and they’ll produce more milk.”
The architect says, “You can lower the ceiling and change the shape of the stalls. That way, you can get more cows in the same space, and produce more milk.”
The mathematician says, “First, assume the cow is a sphere…”
Incidentally, you’ll probably also enjoy these. I think my favorite might be this one (though it’s pretty hard to read the joke in the web graphic).
So a farmer wants to build a fence but can only afford 25’ of fencing. Since he wants to enclose as much area as possible with his fence, he asks his mathematician son to figure out what the largest area he can enclose is. The son comes over, builds a circular fence, stands inside, and says “I pronounce this to be the outside.”
Also, as we’re allowing physics jokes…
A pair of hydrogen atoms are standing around talking, when one of them says to the other “I think I’ve lost my electron.” The second asks “Are you sure?” Says the first: “I’m positive.”
So an electron, a proton, and a neutron walk into a bar. The electron orders a beer and asks “how much will this be?” The bartender tells him it’ll be $2.50. The proton orders a wine cooler, asks how much it’ll be, and the bartender tells him $3.50. Neutron orders a tequila, asks the bartender how much it’ll cost. “For you? No charge.”
Yes, I have heard far too many bad physics puns in my lifetime…
Oh, and Cisco, assuming I’m not being terribly whooshed… It’s not even very funny or anything, just a bad pun on simple poles in the complex plane, that’s all. Helpful explanation, eh?