What did the mathematition say after Thanksgiving?

"Oh man, I (-1/64)^(1/2).

A neutrino walks into a bar, the bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind around here.”

The neutrino replies, “Oh, don’t worry, I’m just passing through.”

Two atoms are walking down the street. One says to the other “I think I lost my electrons”. The second one asks “are you sure?” And the first replies “yes, I’m positive”

You should’ve left out the “I” here… The “(-1/64)^(1/2)” on its own already provides the presumably desired “i over eight”.

Y’know, I just reread that and about slapped myself for making that mistake.

I’m not fat, I’m just sterically hindered.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

I’ve heard it as:

“A neutrino walks through a bar.”

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote, and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humour from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

Did you hear about the constipated mathemetician?
He worked it out with a pencil.

I love this one and tell it all the time to my friends and family.

The French mathematician Couchy was so prolific in the area of complex analysis that his dog even provided a proof:

Around any closed path, the dog would leave a residue at every pole.

One of many XKCD links.

Gah! There’s a joke similar to Digital Stimulus’s that plays the same crew off against one another (Engineer, Physicist, Mathematician) but the object of the joke is (IIRC) a fire in a wastebasket. . . Ring a bell for anyone?

“Ouch!”. A tachyon walks into a bar.

Shroedinger’s cat walked into a bar, and didn’t.

Engineer and mathematician out for a walk, pass house on fire. Outside is a fire hydrant and next to this is a coiled-up hose, so the engineer connects the hose, unrolls it, turns on the water and puts out the fire. The mathematician watches with interest.

Up the road is a house, and outside the house is a fire hydrant gushing water into the gutter by way of a hose. So the mathematician turns off the water, disconnects the hose and coils it up, and then sets the house on fire, explaining contentedly “Now we have reduced the problem to one with a known solution”.

To be, or not to be.

That is the SQRT(4b^2)

In college I told a variation of that to an instructor. But I made a long drawn out drama involving hydrogen atoms.

He was pissed enough I suspect it hurt me afterwards when grading :slight_smile:

Different one. The engineneer and the… other guy figure how to put out the wastebasket fire and actually do so; the mathematician solves the equation and goes back to bed.

Professor Heisenberg was driving his car down the highway, when a policeman pulled him over.

“Excuse me, sir,” said the cop, “but do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg thought, and then replied, “No. But I know where I am.”

Removed since it didn’t add up.