That’s the outline of the joke I was thinking of, but thanks Malacandra for another. I love these!
Probably more computer-geeky than math-nerdy, but here goes.
Why do computer programmers get Christmas and Halloween mixed up?
Because 25[sub]Dec[/sub] = 31[sub]Oct[/sub]
Q: Who signed his name “101 010”?
A: The first Russian programmer, Onovon Ovonov".
Pronounced as “On-off-on Off-on-off”
The version I’ve heard:
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are walking past a burning building when the fire truck rolls up. The fireman asks them to help. The engineer looks at the building, and quickly draws up a plan that the firefighters use to put out the fire.
A week later, the physicist comes by the firehouse. “I’ve written a paper on how to put out fires in that type of building”, he tells the firefighters, who thank him and include it in their training.
Six months later, the mathematician brings a huge box of paper into the firehouse.
“I’ve done it”, he says.
“Done what?”, asks the fireman.
“I’ve proved fires exist!”
Entering the hydroxide zone. Proceed with cation.
(Science jokes. “Groaning is acceptable”.)
The mathematician says “Assume a fire hose”.
Basic relativity:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: No, the road was moving under the chicken.
The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out. Says, “Go forth and multiply.” Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals. All are doing fine except a pair of snakes. “What’s the problem?” says Noah. “Cut down some trees and let us live there,” say the snakes. Noah follows their advice. Several more weeks pass. Noah checks on the snakes again. Lots of little snakes, everybody is happy. Noah asks, “Want to tell me how the trees helped?” “Certainly,” say the snakes. “We’re adders, and we need logs to multiply.”
Outside his buckyball home, one molecule overheard another molecule saying, *“I’m positive that a free electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them.” *
Similarly: Feynman and Heisenberg are out for a drive. Heisenberg looks up from his map: “Watch out, there’s a speed trap in half a mile!” “No problem,” Feynman reassures him, tapping the speedo. “We’re doing exactly fifty-five miles per hour.” “Idiot!” snaps Heisenberg. “Now we’re lost!”
And a limerick:
Integral t[sup]2[/sup] dt
From one to the cube root of three
All times the cosine
Of three p/9
Equals ln the cube root of e.
My all-time favorite geek humor is the Ban DHMO movement.
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven, plus five times eleven,
Is nine squared and not a bit more.
For you philosophers out there:
What’s a ‘goy’?
Someone is a ‘goy’ who is a girl before time T, but a boy thereafter
A little biology:
e. coli eats shit and dies
A mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a software engineer are driving back from a lovely vacation in the mountains.
When rounding a curve down a steep hill, the driver slightly miscalculates and the car skids out of control. Finally, the car crashes into the side of the mountain at the bottom of the hill. The engineers escape unscathed, and examine the wreckage.
“OK,” says the mechanical engineer. “I think this situation is salvageable. I’ve got my trusty Swiss-Army knife, I’ll just pop the hood and start working on the engine, and we should be good to go.”
“Not so fast,” says the chemical engineer. “The crash ruptured our fuel line and all the gas leaked out. I’ll start digging to find a petroleum reserve, build a simple still out of our camping supplies, and refine the oil into enough heptane and octane to get the car moving.”
“Well that’s all very good,” replied the software engineer. “But I really think we should push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again.”
Mrs. Schroedinger: “Erwin! What have you been doing wiz ze cat? It looks half dead!”
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Four scientists are driving through Scotland, and they see a field of black sheep. One says, “Ah! the sheep in Scotland are black!”
The second corrects him, going, “No, at least some of the sheep in Scotland are black.”
The third corrects her, going, “No, at least some of the sheep in Scotland are black on at least one side.”
The fourth corrects him going, “No, at least some of the sheep in Scotland are black on at least one side at least part of the time.”
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Four biologists, a Briton, a Frenchman, an American, and a Canadian, are all contributing to a book on elephants.
The Briton contributes a paper entitled “Elephants and the Empire.”
The French scientist contributes one entitled “L’amour et l’éléphant.”
The American submits one entitled, “Elephants: Bigger and better all the time!”
And the Canadian writes one entitled, “Elephants: A provincial or federal responsibility?”
Finally:
Three squires come back from the crusades, each having been rewarded for valour by their lords with special saddles made from the skins of exotic animals. Squire Geoffrey has one made from lion fur, Squire Michael has one made from leopard pelt, but Squire Bartholomew is so fat – in fact as heavy as the other two put together – that he needs a special reinforced saddle made of hippo skin.
The moral of the story, of course, is that the squire on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squires on the other two hides.
What this?:
Hilton + Wilding + Todd + Fisher + Burton + Burton + Warner + Fortensky . . .
It’s a Taylor series.
Descartes walks into the neighbor pub for a nightcap. The bartender asks, “Your usual, Renee?”
Descartes replies, “I think not” and promptly vanishes.