Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
“I drink therefore I am”
You can thank PBS of the '70s …
(Encountered a long time ago, on the Dope, I believe…)
So all the dead physicists are in heaven, playing a game of tag. Einstein is ‘it,’ and is chasing Newton. Right before he is caught, Newton quickly draws a 1m x 1m square on the ground and jumps onto it. Einstein catches up and tags him.
Einstein: “Aha! I’ve got you, Newton!”
Newton: “No. You got Pascal.”
An eclectic smattering of nerd humor:
Hey baby, you make me wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Hey baby, you make me wish I were an integral function so I could lie under your curves.
Little Johnny was a chemist.
Little Johnny is no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was H2SO4.
There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand trinary, those who don’t and those who mistake if for binary.
Q: What do you get when you divide a jack-o-lantern’s circumference by it’s diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.
Another one about an engineer, a physicist, a mathematician and fire:
An engineer walks into his office one day, to find that his desk is on fire. He runs to the nearest water faucet, fills a big bucket with water, then returns and uses the water to put out the fire. Later, a physicist walks into his office to find a similar situation. He does some quick calculations, and figures out exactly how much water he needs to put out the fire, then obtains the water and does so. A mathematician walks in on a fire and quickly calculates the amount of water he would need to put it out, then goes home.
With the economy in shambles, the president of State University is looking to cut costs where ever he can. When he sees the budget for the Chemistry department, he loses it and says, “Centrifuges, pH meters, glassware galore, not to mention the chemicals… Why can’t they be like the math department, they only need paper, pencils and a trashcan; or better yet the philosophy department, those guys don’t even need the trashcan!”
Oh god, I love it.
Shouldn’t that be:
2b or -2b
A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says “You can’t stay here.” The Higgs Boson says “But you can’t have mass without me!”
So, if the chicken flaps its wings, can it take off?
I suggest you watch the movie “Chicken Run”.
Although the chickens here had an airplane, IRL chickens do fly a little, if their flight feathers aren’t clipped, and even if it’s usually only to reach a high roost to spend the night.
If we’re talking about limericks and rhymes, Cecil’s masterful treatment of Schrodinger’s Cat should be mentioned for the benefit of newer members. The reader who wrote in did a fine job too.
Years before we had the intrawebs (and we had it a long time before anyone else I know. . .), this was one of my favorite Cecil columns of all time! If you hadn’t linked to it, I would have!
applauds
Two Heisenbergian particles are walking down the road together. One hisses out of the corner of his mouth “don’t look now, but I think we’re being watched”.
I just used the integral function pickup line on a friend who’s majoring in sociology. She lamented that there are no good sociology pickup lines, and said “A sociologist’s pick-up line would be like ‘Hey, have you ever wondered why some people use catchy puns to try to copulate with members of the opposite sex?’”