Yeah, but what did he do when he was really constipated?
He used logs.
On another note entirely, did you hear about the three statisticians who went hunting? The first one fired, and missed - five feet to the left. The second one fired and missed - five feet to the right.
The third one jumped up and down yelling “We got him! We got him!”
A biologist, a statistician, and a mathematician see two people go into a room. Soon, three people emerge from the room.
“They must have cloned one of them!” says the biologist. “No, we must have counted wrong,” says the statistician. The mathematician thinks and says, “If one of us goes into the room, it will be empty.”
People who can remember Pythagoras’s Theorem correctly prefer “The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides.” It’s about a Native American with three wives and no children, who goes on a world tour to fetch three exotic animal skins and commits the marital act with each wife when he returns, each upon a different skin. And so on.
I’ve quoted this limerick before, but:
Integral t-squared dt
From one to the cube root of three
All times the cosine
Of three p upon nine
Equals log of the cube root of e
A mathematician and an engineer are walking along the street when they see a house on fire. Outside the house, fortunately, is a fire hydrant with a coiled hose next to it. So the engineer uncoils the hose, attaches it to the hydrant, turns on the water and puts out the fire.
A little later they reach another house. Outside it there is a hose attached to a fire hydrant, with water running from it. So the mathematician turns off the water, detaches and coils up the hose, and sets the house on fire. Beaming, he turns to the engineer and says “And now we have reduced the problem to one where the answer is already known!”.
My favourite was something I heard, not as a joke but, as an admonishment in a business analysis course. Talking about documenting business software the lecturer said you should never try to be funny - it just doesn’t work; for example
Pi has been declared as an assigned variable so that it can be easily changed in one place if the value of Pi changes in the future.
I laughed out loud and made a futile attempt to argue that this was an admirable joke. Everyone else attending looked at me like an idiot.