To be accurate, this isn’t localhost, the home IP. You should be using 127.0.0.1. Otherwise I’m going ‘Uh, no place like an IP address in the class C private range?’
Yes, I realize I’m a total nerd for nitpicking an IP address joke.
What do you get if you cross an elephant with a banana?
–|elephant| |banana| sin q in a direction mutually perpendicular to the two in a direction determined by the left-hand rule.
What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountaineer?
–Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scalar.
Q- Why can’t snakes reproduce without wood?
A- They need logs to multiply- they’re adders!
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius Band was divine.
Said he, “If you glue
The edges of two
You get a weird bottle like mine.”
Jesus and his disciples were walking around one day, when Jesus said, “The
Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9.” The disciples
looked very puzzled, and finally asked Peter, "What on earth does Jesus
mean - the Kingdom of Heaven is like 3x squared plus 8x minus 9? Peter
said, “Don’t worry. It’s just another one of his parabolas.”
Making mathematical puns is the first sine of madness.
You have a singular wit. Try to be open, but not too dense about it. And make sure your jokes aren’t derivative.
Speaking of which, my favorite math related joke:
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in adjacent rooms in a hotel for a conference. A fire breaks out in each of the three rooms. The engineer wakes up and sees the fire. He runs into the bathroom, turns on both faucets full blast, and puts out the fire by flooding the room. Then he goes back to bed.
The physicist wakes up and sees the fire. He dashes over to the desk and jots down some hasty calculations on a notepad. Then he grabs his trusty graduated cylinder, measures out a precise amount of water, and dumps it on the fire with not a drop wasted. Then he goes back to bed.
The mathematician wakes up and sees the fire. He immediately goes over to the desk, grabs his trusty pad of paper and pencil and starts writing like mad: theorems, proofs, lemmas, corollaries, on and on for pages. Finally he slams down the pencil and announces, "I have proven that I CAN put out the fire!’ Then he goes back to bed.
I don’t know calculus from coconuts, but I know a bathroom joke when I see one…“p”…“log”…right?
:dubious: …uh…riiiight?..
Okayokayokay, I got one:
So this drug addict says to his dealer, “Jeez, man, that’s a lot of money …”
Oh, wait, I thought you said meth jokes. Never mind. Sorry.
Nope. t[sup]2[/sup] integrates to t[sup]3[/sup]/3 - no constant of integration as this is a definite integral (the upper and lower bounds are given). So we get the value of the integral as 2/3. cos 3p/9 = cos p/3, which is 0.5 (we are, of course, taking the angle as being in radians). So the value of the left-hand side is 1/3.
(NB - I presume your browser saw the “pi” symbol.)
As to the right hand side, the log of the cube root of e (we are, of course, taking logs as being natural or Napierean logarithms) is just one-third of the log of e. And, of course, the natural log of e is 1, by definition! Hence the value of the right-hand side is 1/3.
QED.
René Descarte walks into a bar and orders a glass of wine. The bartender asks him if he’d like some peanuts. Descarte ponders a moment and replies, “I think not.” And then he disappears.
Aw, c’mon! Descartes was too a mathematician, even if the so-called joke has to do with his writings as a philosopher.
Well, I’m so glad you cleared *that * up! I’m sorry, I was in the “What’s your favorite beer?” thread, had to visit the little boys’ room, musta’ taken a wrong turn coming back … anybody know where the “favorite beer” thread is?
If you’d like to get your children* started early on Math jokes, here is one of my favorite books:
The Math Curse
Does tunafish + tunafish = fournafish?
*Because it is the goal of every geek parent to raise better geeks for the future!
A veterinarian, geneticist, & mathematician are brought in to a dairy farm to help find methods to get the cows to product more milk.
The Vet examines the cows and says, well if increase their feed by a third and add these vitamin supplements, they should product more milk.
The geneticist draws up charts of the bloodlines and family relationships of the cows and determines which animals should be bred with with other family lines to reinforce their milk producing genes.
The mathematician pulls out a sheet of paper and draws a circle. He then looks up and says, “First, you must assume a spherical cow…”
Okay, a mathematician, an engineer and an accountant are asked, “What is 2 and 2?”
The mathematician replies, “I can tell you the answer, but first we must define ‘2’ and ‘and.’”
The engineer says, “I can tell you the answer, but how are we going to apply this?”
The accountant looks around the room and whispers, “What do you want it to be?”
There are three kinds of people- those who can count, and those who can’t.
Two mathematicians are eating together at a diner, and they wind up arguing over how much mathematics the average person knows - one believes that most people have a reasonable knowledge, while the other thinks most people are incredibly ignorant when it comes to mathematics. While the second mathematician is in the restroom, the first decides to have a little fun to argue his point so he calls a waitress over and tells her “In a few minutes, I’m going to call you over again and ask you a question, and the answer will be ‘One-third x cubed’. Can you remember that for me?”
“One thir dex cube,” she says.
“One-third x cubed,” he corrects her.
“One third ex cube,” she repeats, and leaves.
When the second mathematician returns, the first one calls to the waitress and asks her “Waitress, what is the integral of x squared?” She replies “one-third x cubed,” and then turns to walk away, but then calls over her shoulder “plus a constant!”
A physicist and a mathematician are sharing a hotel room, and in the middle of the night both are awakened by the smell of smoke - a small fire has started in the room. The physicist jumps out of bed, rushes to the kitchen, fills a saucepan with water and throws it over the fire, which fizzles out. The physicist leaves the saucepan, with some water still in it, near their beds in case it is needed again, and both of them go back to sleep.
Some time later, the mathematician again wakes up to the smell of smoke, but the physicist does not. Once again, a small fire has started in the room. The mathematician jumps out of bed, grabs the saucepan, and takes it back to the kitchen where he empties it and puts it back in the cupboard. He then returns to bed, safe in the knowledge that he has reduced the problem to one already solved.
What’s yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Zorn’s Lemon.
OR:
What spits and is equivalent tothe axiom of choice?
Zorn’s Llama.
That sounds like a physics answer to me.
Q: What’s another name for Avocado’s Number?
A: Guaca-mole.
A little mathy, more computery…
2B or D4, that is the question!
/lame
A mathematician is arguing about lost luggage with the clerk at the customer service desk in an airport
Mathematician: “You lost one of my suitcases, there should be five!”
Clerk: “Umm… sir… you do actually have five pieces of luggage on your cart”
Mathematician: “nonsense! I counted them myself - see? zero, one, two, three, four!”
Alright - caught me. It’s a physics joke remade. I thought it was pretty close so I tried to sneak it past.
Should’ve known I was a :wally for trying that on the SDMB.
The French mathematician Cauchy was so prolific on the subject of complex analysis that his pet dog actually contributed on the topic: Around any closed path, the dog would leave a residue at every pole.
A doctor, a lawyer and a mathematician are discussing which was better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The doctor says it’s a wife: You bond with her, you grow old together, studies show you will live longer."
The lawyer prefers a girlfriend: “There’s no strings, no committments, and both of you can leave the arrangement whenever you want”.
The mathematician says: “Both”.
(The doctor and lawyer look at him with a new curiosity).
The mathematician explains: “You can tell your girlfriend you’re with your wife. And then tell your wife that you’re with your girlfriend. Then, you can go to the office and get some work done”.
My contribution:
In the Baltimore suburb of Glen Burnie, there is a structure labeled the “Kline Building”.
I am afraid to set foot in it.