Personally, I think that Sassy’s posts just speak for themselves. I wouldn’t even try…it would be like shooting fish that have been taken out of the barrel, cleaned, cooked, and are sitting on your dinner table.
Aw, hell, it’s like shooting fishsticks!
That’s right. He also collects stamps and makes a mean martini.
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You know, that’s just what we want. The sympathy of a nitwit.
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Don’t flatter yourself. The gay girls here don’t want a shot at you either.
Give me a break. :rolleyes:
Esprix
I was just wondering, as hobbies go would being gay cost more than Civil War Re-inactment?
See, I’m looking for something to do in the summer in-between kyaking and climbing and I like to accessorize bot I don’t have a huge budget so I figured since you are involved in the hobby already you could give me some pointers. Are there any books at my local library that I could check out? there were some great ones about the Civil War and costumes but I didn’t see the Gay section in Arts/Crafts/Hobbies, is my library too small?
I can pretty much afford about $500 just to get started and spend another $1,500 if I like the hobby (I don’t want to spend a whole lot at first, just in case I’m no good at it. You understand.) and want to get more involved with it. Also since I do have other hobbies I would need to make sure that being gay does leave me some free time for my other interests.
If I decided to do BOTH Civial War Re-Inactment and be Gay is there a conflict of interest there? they both seem really interesting to me and I do like to accesorize and those Civil War guys get pretty hats and swords and those coats with all the lace and gold pipig on them!
Anyhow, let me know.
p.s.
I have a friend who does the Civil War thing and he said that I could come out and watch them some time and I did not need to participate. He said a lot of people come and just watch. Is there anything like that for being gay? Maybe if I watched a few times I would get an idea if I wanted to try it out myself?
Well, based on the descriptions of hard-core Civil War re-enactors in the book Confederates in the Attic, I would say that Civil War re-enacting and homosexuality are highly compatible hobbies. Especially if you like sleeping in a “man sandwich.”
Well now I’m hungry for a “Manwich” or a “Sloppy Joe”, either one as long as it comes on hot buns, but dosen’t burn my mouth.
I would like to disavow any knowledge or connection with other persons calling themselves Sassy, since they are obviously not worthy of the title - and possibly not worthy of the title “human.” Esprix, you are one of my favorites, as is Hastur (but I am a little afraid of him.)
7:30 am Wake up.
7:30:05 am Hit snooze alarm.
7:39 am Wake up for real
7:41 am Dance Party
7:53 am Breakfast of buttered scongs and tea.
8:11 am Peruse Planet Out.
8:32 am log onto internet, martyr onself
8:57 am Log off internet. Dance Party II.
9:00 am kiss cat goodbye, go to car.
9:02 am Attach another rainbow bumper sticker to car.
9:15 am Gay Rights Rally
11:15 am Attend Hollywood/media outlets meeting. Corrupt officials into proceding with your nefarious plans.
12:01 pm Tune in to Dr. Laura. Laugh.
1:00 pm Lunch at the Russian Tea Room. Two margarita minimum.
3:00 pm Log back onto internet; defend posts made earlier in the day.
3:35 pm Go shopping for Village People’s greatest hits.
4:20 pm Take time off from “Gay Hobby,” smoke a doobie.
5:00 pm Meet with powerful democratic senator. Discuss new Gay Rights laws on the table. Blow him in the back of his limo
6:15 pm log back onto internet. Martyr some more.
8:20 pm Go clubbing. Dancy Party III
10:17 pm Pick up hot, straight, drunken person. Have sex.
1:00 am stumble home, log onto internet. Post more gay stuff, this time drunk.
1:37 am Put on silk PJs. Brush teeth.
1:45 am Dance party IV. This time with new Village People CD.
2:00 am Curl up with teddy bear and cat Schnuukums, go to bed.
Sick of it? Heck no! With esprix, techchick and others doing so much hoggng of the cross, I have been able to take a much needed vacation. 
(Fot those of you new here, several times I have been accused of playing the martyr- actual quote "get down from that cross, DITWD, we need the wood) har.
But seriously, folks, just as I’ve got a thing for “fat” issues he has a thing for “gay” issues. If you hate him so much or dislike his “where I’m coming from” so much you have this great little software bit called “scroll”.
Get a big grip on “hey, that’s life and having a point of view” and get on with it.
I don’t give a shit that you are a newbie or an oldie… bitch and moan all you’d like. Do the “I’m a sad assed poster and must draw attention to myself” and bitch about yourself and then get upset when folks agree (I think we all know to whom I am referring) but be prepared to just go on or get the hell off the board.
Not everyone is going to agree with you. Some may fold, spindle or mutilate you. Be an adult and just get over it.
And saying, "you fucking asshole!!! " to a gay male just seems really redundant… 
[Irish cop voice on] Okay folks, nothing to see here, just move along. [Irish cop voice off]
Danielinthewolvesden – Oh, yeah, it’s all about YOU! Again, get off the fucking cross we want to kick your sorry, silly ass! Oh, yeah, and we need the wood! I wish I were so self centered that I could think everything was about me…
But I am “off the cross”, Byz, dearie- there’s not enuf room up there for esprix and TC, and me. Or we need a bigger cross, but with this damn wood shortage everyone keeps talking about…
But you ARE, and it IS… - your PITian queenness
Besides- how could anyone accuse you of being “fat”? It’s all those ermine robes and royal purple cloaks that just give that impression of “greatness”.
Yeah, Esprix, we’re just sick and tired of you being gay all the time, so stop it right now!! And quit being so smart and funny, while you’re at it - we’re sick of that, too.
(bolding mine)
I like live partners, too. And, I’m not even gay. Is that allowed? My sister is gay - can I get a special dispensation?
I would hardly call Esprix “Poor Gay Martyr” - Loud Gay Activist is more like it.
Yes, he does start a lot threads that revolve around gay issues. My sister talks about gay issues a lot (too much, IMHO), as well. It’s people like them who are “out” and speak up for themselves and their quieter brethren who have brought their unique issues to light for the general public. – If you want me to expand on this I will, but I’ll stop here as the thread is about Esprix not about public policy and gay rights.
When my Sister starts going on and on about gay this and that (or any subject, really) and I’m not in the mood for it - I zone out and sorta pretend I’m listening. With this board, it’s so much easier - don’t open the thread if you don’t want to hear it.
Esprix, wouldn’t it have been easier just to collect stamps or coins or something? Why did you have to pick gay as a hobby? You did it just to annoy us, right? What’s a gay guy doing at The Straight Dope, anyway?
Zen, these are excellent questions, and I hope that Esprix doesn’t mind me detailing some things about our mutual favorite hobby.
That’s actually a far more complicated question than you may think. See, it all revolves around what kind of Gay you want to be. Types for men include (but are by no means limited to):
-Miss Thang
-Twinkie Boy
-Leather Daddy
-Mr. Closet Corporate Guy with Family
-Sets-passing-shrubbery-on-fire
And how much you spend on them depends. For example, if you want to be CCGw/F, then you have to get yourself a trophy wife, a few kids, and some decent suits. SPSOF are required to dress… well, festively. If you’re going for inexpensive and just starting off, I recommend Twinkie Boy. All you really need is blonde hair dye, cut off shorts (I mean cut off, honey!) and a beater. In just a few years of being gay, some Twinkie Boys have upgraded to **Bitter Queens.**It can be done!
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Titles that are recommended include:
(for the ladies)
Vaginas- Fat Free, Taste Great!
Buzz, Buzz
The Complete Guide to Bad Hair
Oral Sex Tips that Your Ex-Husband Never Knew
(for the men)
Sucking Cock in 30 Days
Spank Me Now, Daddy- Leather and You
Collected Lyrics of Every Musical Ever Made
and, of course, for every gay:
The Gay Agenda
The Agenda is sort of like a rainbow Bible. In it you can find instructions on how to recruit children, subvert traditional families, and throw a fabulous tea party. You recieve your personalized copy after your first unrequited same-sex crush, one night stand, hot kiss, or other designated event. (This varies by person. Basically, you have to go to your local Gay Headquarters (search for the disco beat!) and be assessed as to how Gay you already are. Your entry level will be determined from there. Don’t worry- it’s a lot easier than it sounds.)
Your library sounds like it might be controlled by evil homophobes. Either that or the librarian is hoarding the books in anticipation of the revolution. Er… nevermind. If you go to the checkout desk and offer to slip him something, you might get your sweaty palms on some of the Gay books.
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Zen, being Gay is more addictive than playing the Sims. But the sheer beauty of it all is that you can be Gay anywhere! Whilst at work, you can be the Gay Office Employee. You can be the Gay Best Friend. No matter where you are or what you’re doing, you can Be Gay. It meshes naturally with whatever other hobbies you may have. [sub]With the possible exception of water polo. We’re still doing tests.[/sub]
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That’s the spirit, Zen! Go out there and be a Gay Union Soldier, or perhaps a Gay Confederate! The boys die for that hot Southern accent, you know.
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Naughty, naughty Zen! Of course you can watch the Gays frolic. [sub]only the men, though- no slips back to that boring heterosexual life for you![/sub]
Just because the Straight [sub]We’re working on the name, don’t worry[/sub] Dope[sub]No problem with that part[/sub] is dedicated to eradicating ignorance, I’m going to ship you a free pass into the Gay Nightclub of your choice. Also, I’m going to send you a small amount of fairy dust. This will make any Gay embrace you as their own kind… or maybe just embrace you. Have fun! Experiment!
Go on, girlfriend!
Esprix COLLECTS STAMPS?
Holy cow. There are layers upon layers here.
How do you add items to The Gay Agenda? Does a quorum need to be present? Do you go by Roberts’ Rules of Order?
Where can one get a copy of The Gay Minutes?
This entire thread ROCKS. And Esprix isn’t even here yet.
Special thanks go to Zen101 and Enderw23 and Andygirl–you can pick up your statuettes on the way out, and if you would, just face the camera… [flash] Thank you!
Thank you, everybody, for participating, and let’s have a nice round of applause for the OP for hosting us. Welcome to the Straight Dope, Virtual Carrot-Topped Person!
Dear SassyKY,
Fuck you. Please stop posting immediatly. You suck, you stupid sanctimonious bitch.
Thanks!
Sarah
PS You just gave everyone from KY a bad name. I’m sure they’re gonna hunt you down with a baseball bat and their snaggletoothed sister-mother-girlfriend-aunt. Oh! Can I have your address please? I need it for, um, this research thing I’m doing about redheads who are sassy in Kentucky. Exactly.
Dear Esprix,
I already told you how awesome you are in the other stupid thread about this topic. Keep it coming, cutie, because I will never be sick of intelligent, hilarious posters like yourself. You’re what makes this board as cool as it is.
These all originally posted by sassyKYredhead:
Uh-huh…moving on:
You think he must be around a hundred years old (in your book, at least) because he thought you were acting childish?
You are one sad, sorry excuse for an “educated 28-year-old.”
Not to mention the fact that you’re a blatant hypocrite.
And that’s all from one thread.
On to this one:
From what I’ve seen, Esprix isn’t trying to be a martyr. He just posts examples of people discriminating against homosexuals in the legislature, workplace, etc. that simply raise consciousness about all the bad stuff in the world today. They’re basically “activism alerts” rather than “cry for me, this is what I have to live with.”
Don’t be an anus when there’s no need to be, sassyKYredhead.
Nacho4Sara, I was thinking “KY” in the OPs name meant KY jelly, not Kentucky.
Betcha this ignorant inbred is related to rosiewolf (was that her name?) and the others.
Esprix, I think you ate the bee’s knees! I am trying to be suttle here. (heheheheheheheeheh!!!suttle!! educated my ass!)