I had a twinge of a desire to say something sarcastic and angry to the grandfather, but your response is probably as good as you could have handled it. But now I have this zinger that I can’t use! Don’t you hate that?
I don’t disagree; I was responding to comments like this:
Maybe I inferred DCnDC and Lancia to be saying all teenagers have sex, and they only meant that teenagers as a class* will have sex and not that all teenagers do.
*but they sure didn’t have that class at my high school
That’s why responsible parents don’t wait for a kid to come to them. Very few parents want to have the talk either, but avoiding the subject doesn’t prevent a kid from finding out in the gutter or doing it. See the beginning of Richard Thompson’s “Read About Love.”
Well, the grandparents had 16 years and failed, didn’t they. Failed twice in fact, given the mother.
Who knows how the grandparents taught this subject, if at all. I’m guessing they didn’t cover it in any depth. Maybe they said “don’t” maybe they said it’s dirty, maybe they said God will getcha if you do. But unless they chain her up or, give her a chastity belt they aren’t going to prevent it. This is a great example of trust but verify - or teach and prophylact.
Or they can be feeble like me. 
Anyhow, got it. But even if a kid is saintly, geekish, and has what seems to be a low sex drive, I’d still get 'em ready. Miracles happen after all.
We should move this thread next to the one about the 30 year-old virgin. Maybe something will leak over.
This is funnier than what you did, Foxy, but I say you handled that like a boss.
Folks, obviously giving the condoms to the daughter knowing they’d be given to Sally was just a workaround, but so? When grampa goes whining about it, what should she say? “Oh, I gave them to my daughter who I knew would give to your kid who was having sex already anyway.” Yeah, no. Her response was perfect.
I wonder if the people who think the OP did wrong think that people correcting kids who smash other people in stores are doing wrong also. Somehow I doubt it. “It takes a village” is dead on.
I can’t help but fixate on the fact that Sally’s mother a) had her at 16 despite her father’s parenting approach, and b) apparently is no longer in the picture. Obviously I’m making two assumptions here: that the guardian is Sally’s MATERNAL grandfather, and that Sally’s mom isn’t out of the picture because of something unrelated like a car accident, but still, it seems fair to speculate that Grandpa is trying to re-parent his daughter vicariously through Sally. Foxy’s followup post continues to paint a picture of a guardian who’s willfully ignoring the realities of his situation and planting the seeds of tragedy thereby. As for the idea that Foxy CAUSED his granddaughter to become sexually active, as though she waylaid Sally after bible school and showed her an array of condoms pinned to the inside of her trenchcoat… all I can say is PHLBTH.
Shit, Foxy, that sucks. Not entirely unexpected, but it sucks. I just hope the girl is allowed to use the phone to call a suicide hotline. :rolleyes:
Like Chef Troy, I’m fairly certain that Family History is rearing its head and complicating things, too. I know I didn’t exhale the whole year my son was 18 (the age I was when I had him) and the day he turned 19, I practically high fived myself that he hadn’t bred. It would STILL be way too soon, but there’s something about that milestone…
Dollars to donuts that Grandpa is reliving his “failures” with his daughter, and not really in the frame of mind to consider his granddaughter as a separate human being. I don’t think there’s anything you can do about that. These are *his *demons he’s fighting - you and his granddaughter and her boyfriend are being hit with the shrapnel.
And how’s your own daughter doing with all this?
I wonder what else these loonies are gonna do.
My daughter is upset and very worried about her friend. She wants me to sit down with the grandparents and “fix this”. She thinks if I could only explain that this happened because Sally had no other way to see the boy and we gave her condoms because we didn’t want her to get a disease or get pregnant, everything will be hunky dory. Sally will be able to date her boyfriend under their supervision, they will admit they were too strict and everyone will live happily ever after.
My daughter is young and she simply doesn’t understand that what seems logical to her, doesn’t necessarily seem logical to others.
I plan to use the “bucket full of condoms - I don’t count them” approach myself, and I think you handled this well. If you had been letting them have sex at your house, that’s when things would have crossed the line, IMHO. Making sure condoms were available around this kid is so far from doing anything wrong it’s laughable.
The suicide threat and the guardians not taking it seriously concerns me a lot. She might be engaging in drama, or she might have a teenager’s incredibly insular view of her situation (times two, due to being kept in an insular Christian society) and really think she only has one way out. 
Keep talking to her. Also tell her - if you haven’t already - that she can always come to you no matter what. Here is the bright side - if anything bad ever happens to her, she won’t be afraid to tell you about it openly because she knows how you react.
And why am I not surprised that the grandparents sent Sally to a Christian school? The refusal to face reality is the hallmark of these clowns.
If your daughter can still talk to Sally she might be able to help, just for support and just to say that in 2 years the grandparents can’t stop her. (We know that this is forever at that age but Sally won’t.) But I bet that line is cut off also.
You absolutely did the right thing by providing your daughter with the condoms.
Explain to your daughter that it sucks her friend’s boyfriend got yanked out of their school. However, that decision is up to his mother and, therefore, beyond your sphere of influence. The lovebirds can either wait until either is old enough to drive out to visit the other, or she can move on. The primary obstacle here is *really *her boyfriend’s mother. Their unwillingness to listen to the rules his mom set out are why they can no longer see each other at all. I would really hammer this home to her. Yes, it’s unfair. But life is unfair, and getting caught was *beyond *stupid. She needs to learn that these are the easily-foreseeable consequences for the actions she chose to take.
It’s not like you can call CPS about the situation, unless they put bars on her windows. At the same time, you should give your daughter the suicide hotline phone number just in case.
I’d like to have a few choice words with her grandpa and the boyfriend’s mom too, if I were you. Not that they would listen. But neither one has any fucking business raising children.
Well, that truly sucks, Foxy40. Here’s hoping that Sally’s grandparents don’t screw her up so badly that it takes her most of her life to unscrew it.
While I loathe CPS and the headaches they can cause the undeserving - IF you are truly concerned that
a) the girl might hurt herself
b) the gaurdians are not taking that seriously
Then call them - that is afterall, what they are there to help with.
I think you handled it appropriately and in the proper fashion - and I wish her and yours the best in dealing with this as it progresses.
If teenagers actually needed encouraging to have sex, I’d be worried that something was wrong with them.
Seriously, it’s a laughable idea that an adult could encourage a teenager to go out and have sex with someone if they weren’t already inclined to do so (which they nearly universally are).
Try switching to decaf. I wasn’t trying to argue with you, just making a general point about the situation.
Pardon my ignorance, but I thought the Appalachian Trail was a walking route - what’s it got to do with sex?
(apart from the Urban Dictionary definition, which I didn’t need to know, thanks Google!)
“I gave her the condoms because she said she did not want you to get her pregnant.”
Mark Sanford - sneaking away to see his mistress. I can see the context.
Good on you, Foxy. Pity the whole thing has devolved as it has, but you did the right thing. Those grandparents are seriously letting that girl down.