I turned 21 this past Thursday. It isn’t a very big deal to me or anything but my cousin decided that as my birthday present, he’d take me out to a club, bar, or something’ and get me drunk… well last night was the night and it was an… uh… interesting experience.
We got to the Billiards Club at about 9:00 PM and ordered some food and drink… he got a White Russian, which he stuck with the whole night through, and I ordered a margarita. I drank mine down in about ten minutes’ time and then decided I wanted to try a shot of tequila, the good stuff… Jose Cuervo. Holy shit, it feels like a nova going off in your stomach.
About that time our food arrived. We ate it and during that time just talked and checked out the people in the bar a bit. Most of the women were with other guys and instead of eyeing them and possibly getting my ass beaten by the drunken dope they were with, I focused mostly on the servers. The two women behind the bar were pretty cute and one of the girls waiting the tables was Asian, so I stared after her a bit too.
During this time, my slightly homophobic buddy also got hit on by a guy standing next to him ordering some beers. He was cordial to the guy but couldn’t help laughing nervously and downing his drink in one shot after the dude walked off. Myself, I laughed hysterically. He then reminded me he was paying for it all and I shut up.
After we had finished our food, we got back into drinking. Jason, my cousin, kept to his 'Russians and I decided I wanted to try a Guinness which one of my 'net friends, Fidel, loves. An interesting and slightly unpleasant taste… it went down smooth like water so I was able to finish it though.
Next up after the bottle of beer was a Screwdriver. It wasn’t all that great and I’ve discovered that, to me, vodka tastes like nothing more than isopropyl alcohol. I sucked it down despite the objections of my taste buds and then decided I’d just get the waitress to make me whatever… I know I wasn’t supposed to mix drink but I was hell-bent on getting drunk.
The first drink she brought was some pink concoction called a Wet ‘P’ on the ticket. The ‘P’ standing for pussy, I think. Only in the South would you go to a bar that censors itself… ugh. Anyway, the drink itself was sickly sweet, thus confirming Jason’s earlier comments that if you get a woman to fix you a random drink, it’ll be as such. I liked it regardless, sucked it down, and asked for random drink number two.
This one wound up being a Malibu which smelled and tasted almost identical to the previous Wet ‘P’. The only thing different about it was that it didn’t have the pink coloration to it. Another good drink and another sucking down thereof.
About this time, I’m finally starting to feel buzzed. I get up to walk to the bathroom and it sort of feels like I’m walking through knee deep water. I’m also totally relaxed and talking about a mile a minute. Passing the aforementioned Asian waitress, I have to stop myself from trying to awkwardly flirt with her so it seems that I’m a friendly drunk.
After I got back from the bathroom, I asked the bartender for another drink and this time got a Crown and Coke. I didn’t care for it at all and had to guzzle it down so that I could get to the next drink; The bartender, by this time, is looking at me a little strangely and wondering why I haven’t fallen off my stool from a stupor.
Regardless, she mixes me up another random drink and this one is a Blue Bazooka. I don’t remember this one much at all 'cause of my increasing drunkenness and just the indifference I felt towards its flavor. I don’t even remember knowing if I liked it or not.
Finally, after about ten drinks and two or three hours of being in the bar I hit the point where I am totally fucked up. I can’t stop talking (luckily my mind is still censoring my thoughts though) and I order one more miscellaneous drink (I think it wound up having a pirate or beach name and was brown) but don’t remember finishing it at all. I spilled ice on the bar, made a comment that I thought the waitress was laughing at me which she heard and denied while laughing even harder, and finally just had Jason pay the tab so we could head home.
On the way to his truck, I kept bumping into every car on the way with his persistent “Watch out!” ringing behind me. He was worried that I might set off the alarms some of the cars were presumably equipped with and as drunk as I was and as big as I am, I probably would’ve too. Also, right before getting in his ride to leave, I decided I needed to use the bathroom so I gave his rear left wheel a quick shower.
He wasn’t pleased.
On the thirty minute ride home, I kept him entertained with my drunken and sometimes incoherent monologue. I swear, my voice was so slurred that I sounded Scottish to my own ears.
Finally, we arrived at my house and he followed behind me to make sure I made it in, which I did after almost falling on the porch. Then I did fall three times in the house, puked a little in the bathroom, collapsed on my bed, and fell asleep within thirty minutes while hearing my parents laugh at his telling of our experience.
It was a fun night but not one I plan on undertaking again any time soon. Right now I have only a slight headache and a little bit of a dry mouth so I think I made out well in avoiding a hangover… the only ill effect from last night is that even thinking about the drinks is making me slightly nauseous.