I came home today to find three messages waiting on my answering machine, each about five minutes apart. All of them consisted of a woman in a noisy room saying, I think, “Derek Jeter please call Maura.” and hanging up.
Rather odd, since my answering machine does not identify me as Derek Jeter at all.
Derek Jeter, how come you never call your mother? I’m sick and worried over you. Are you changing your underwear, Derek Jeter?
Are you hanging out with all those floozies, Derek Jeter? Whatever happened to Natalie? She was such a nice girl, Derek Jeter. When are you going to settle down and get yourself a really nice girl, Derek Jeter?
Oh yeah, Derek Jeter, your dad wanted me to say that your old friend Chuck said hi. We saw him at church the other day. He said “Tell Derek Jeter I said hi.” So here we are, telling our son, Derek Jeter, that his old friend Chuck said hi.
In any case…I hope you’re keeping clean underwear on. You never know what might happen. Are you getting enough to eat?
Oh well. I’ll talk to you another time, Derek Jeter. Call your mother!
Byyyyyyyyeeeeeee!
Oh yeah. Before I forget, don’t let What Exit call you. He still thinks you play baseball and that you’re not a mindless, soulless robot that was bought and paid for by the dark armies of George Steinbreinner.
Byyyyyeeeeeee!
Well Maura doesn’t realize that. Maybe you could play along and Derek her Jeter, if you know what I mean. wink wink nudge nudge
Wasn’t some guy busted last year for impersonating Ben Roethlisberger in order to bed a girl? IIRC correctly, she caught on when she saw the real Roethlisberger on TV and the two didn’t match up.
For crying out loud, be a sport and forward his messages…
FRIEDO.
Say something…quick…so we can all watch your post reel turn to 10000.!
Friedo, just being mistaken for Derek should get you some dates. It could be a lot worse. You should give Maura a call back.
Jim {So LOUNE, what made you think I would look at this thread? 
}
What makes this really ironic is the fact that freido is actually Alex Rodriguez.
My cousin once got a new cellphone with a new number that had belonged to (then-?) Minnesota Twins star Torii Hunter. He got some interesting calls from some interesting women, let me tell ya.
Dude, could you lend me 20 grand?
He cannot get any respect anymore. Even Alex should enjoy being mistaken for the Jete man. It beats being booed for little reason.
That’s what makes it so painful. People only ask A-Rod to call them when they mistake him for Jeter. 
What was your first tipoff that you might be Derek Jeter? Your lack of range at shortstop? Your inexplicable habit of trying to play the other 8 positions on the field, even when the person at that position is right next to you? Your refusal to move to third when the team traded for the best shortstop in the league?
Oh…you know…just luck. I know how you robots are programmed.
It just occurred to me that since it was a noisy room and she said the full name “Derek Jeter”, she was trying to preten
Feck! Browser disaster. Let’s try it a
It just occurred to me that since it was a noisy room and she said the full name “Derek Jeter”, she could have been trying to pretend that she was Derek Jeter’s lady-friend and impress people at a party or something. Maybe she was hoping you’d answer and she would then talk to you as though you were Derek until you figured out what was going on and hung up.