Jester has a profound identity crisis.

Yesterday night, I went to check my phone messages, and realized that I had two. This is an odd turn of events for me, since I really have no life outside of the boards, and nobody knows my cell-phone’s number. Still, I check my messages fairly religiously, since the cell-phone box told me to. (I’m highly suggestible).

One message was the usual ranting and raving by my Mom from a few days ago, so I listened to that one and delete it.

The second message, however, was different. It was from a Mr. Glen Cunningham, who assumed that I worked for “Rylum Products Company, Inc.” According to Mr. Cunningham, I recently sold him a “product which was soluble for work with wood mulch.” Apparently, I did a damn good job, since Glen was now calling to tell me that he needed my business once again. This time, he needs something soluble in Budalt (I have no idea how this is spelled) Acetate, and he needs it in both red and black. He leaves me his number, says “Thank you,” and hangs up.

“Okay,” I think to myself, “The moron had the wrong number, and thought I was somebody else.” I save the message anyway, since it’s kinda funny, and go about my business.

Then, while online last night, I am IMed by a certain Ms. “Lancesangel,” who uses considerably bad grammer and AOL-shortened speak to tell me that “Sarah, Ian’s Ex,” has the hots for me. Hmm. Since I do not know either Sarah, Ian’s Ex, or the reason that she would have the hots for me, I ask my new friend who in the bloody blazes she is. She doesn’t say, but proceeds to inform me that my name is Jody Alexander, and I live in Illinois. Hmmmmmm. I take the time to inform her that I am not, in fact, Jody Alexander from Illinois, and she must be mistaken.

“Oh, shut up, Jody,” she tells me. “You can’t fool me.” I take a few more minutes to argue with Lancesangel, to no avail. Suddenly, I am e-mailed by yet another teeny-bopper airhead. This one, “GoGurl8,” is just as vacant as her assosciate, and also believes me to be Jody.

Now I’m scared. Lashing out, I begin getting a bit harsh with my new friends, since nothing I say can convince them that I have no idea what they’re talking about. Argument ensues. Really stupid insults are used on their parts; the word “crack-baby” is used on mine. Finally, I got frustrated, and signed off.

Now, these two incidents may not seem connected, but while laying awake in bed last night, my sleep-deprived brain came up with an interesting thought. Perhaps these three people, moronic though they sound, know something I don’t. Maybe I’m not who I think I am. Maybe all of these vacant airheads are right, and I’ve been living a lie. After all, I have been feeling a bit out of place lately, and I’ve also been pretty damn tired (proof that I’ve been out at night living an alternate existence).

I have come to the one and only conclusion that makes sense, given the circumstances.

I am not Jester. I am Jody Alexander, Teeny-Bopper Queen of Solubility at Rylum Products Company, Inc.

Move along, good citizens. Nothing to see here.

Jody!

Where the hell have you been? I’ve looked everywhere for you!

:smiley:

You can just block these two dingleheads from your Instant Messenger, ya know.

Is it possible that the airheads were in cahoots and they were messing with your mind??

Just a thought…

Hey Jester,
You could be like those people I saw on 20/20 a few weeks ago. These people were on diets, exercised, and tried not to eat junk food, but they kept gaining weight. The thing was, they were getting up in the middle of the night and eating… while they were asleep.
That’s got to be what it is. Every night, you get out of bed, get on a plane, fly to Illinois, and live as Jody Alexander, hottie and beloved of Sarah, Ian’s ex. Then, before the crack of dawn, you return via plane, get back into bed, and wake up refreshed, same ol’ Jester as yesterday.

I think it’s entirely feasible…

Are you sure it’s not just some friends of your’s, messing with you?

BTW, I’d call that Rylum company and try to pull a prank on them…might be fun!

Because, I mean, if you’re old enough to be selling products that are soluble with wood mulch, we might actually be able to do lunch sometime.

But then there’s this whole Jody thing. I don’t want to stand between you & Sarah, you know.

Pick one & stick with it, man! Then get back to me. :smiley:

Posted on the refrigerator:.

I have left to go find myself. In the event that I arrive before I return, please detain me here until such time as I come back.

The natural progression, really, is to see if Jody is soluable with wood mulch.

Do let us know.

Personally, I would forward Mr. Glen Cunningham’s number to the teeny-boppers, and see if anything shows up in the newspapers over the next several days.

The first rule of Rylum Products Company is…

YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT RYLUM PRODUCTS COMPANY!!!

New show on NBC: Airheads in Cahoots

Can’t miss, sort of a Dukes of Hazard set in L.A.

My friend likes to play little games on AIM all the time. Often times, someone random will IM me or him with either the greeting “What do you look like?” or asking “A/s/l?” My friend promptly rounds up 5-10 different random friends to IM this person, and either harrass him or warn him. A lot. It usually makes the person go away.

And occasionally, mix-ups happen. Once I IMed my friend whose SN is something like Carebear####. There’s actually another Carebear####, with the exact same numbers, only different sequence.

It was creepy.

And Jester, it will be ok. -hug- I have a good feeling that I’ve met you when you’ve been living your alternate existence.

The same thing happened to me when my screen name was Dazed923. People would IM me, one guy in particular, and say “Hi So and So”- he had a name for me. I would tell him (time and again!) I wasn’t who he said I was, and he would say, the person I supposedly was, was that person. He seemed to have no idea what was going on. I should have investigated, asked him the last time he talked to her, blah blah. I eventually put the dude on my block list and everyime i tried to take him off he’d be on my back again. AHHH, some people.

I don’t know what it is, unless AOL is making some huge errors or something.

Okey doke, well, she finally IMed me again. This time, I was ready for her, though…

Careful, it’s a bit long, and I kinda lose steam towards the end…

Lancesangel521: hi jody! how has your summer been?
Mojo530: Great!
Mojo530: You?
Lancesangel521: this is Jody right?
Lancesangel521: great also
Mojo530: Who else would it be?
Lancesangel521: Then how come the other day when I IMed you you were saying your name was Walt and u were acting all weird
Mojo530: Because I’m weird like that. It was a mood thing.
Mojo530: I mean, Hell, YOU said I was Jody, and that’s good enough for me!
Lancesangel521: lol
Mojo530: I wasn’t joking. I take your word above everything else.
Mojo530: I…I don’t really know how to say this…
Lancesangel521: say what?

Mojo530: Well, I guess there’s no turning back, is there. : )
Lancesangel521: Say what?
Mojo530: Anyway, this is something that I’ve been thinking about for a looooong time, and it’s been kinda confusing at parts, but I’ve finally come to terms with it.
Lancesangel521: what?
Mojo530: I’m just…I’m really, really attracted to you.
Lancesangel521: what is it?
Lancesangel521: what?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Mojo530: Oh God.
Mojo530: I freaked you out.
Mojo530: I KNEW I would do this.
Mojo530: I’m sorry.
Lancesangel521: jody what the hell are u talking about?
Mojo530: Look, let’s just forget I said it, okay?
Lancesangel521: no what the hell?
Mojo530: God, I want to go curl up and die now.
Mojo530: I’m sorry.
Lancesangel521: is this Jody Anderson? A 7th grader at Humphrey in Bolingbrook, Illinois?
Mojo530: I just…I don’t know. I’m so confused.
Lancesangel521: Well IS IT?
Mojo530: Wait…Illinois?
Lancesangel521: yeah
Mojo530: I don’t LIVE in Illionois.
Mojo530: Oh, wait.
Mojo530: And my name’s not Jod.
Mojo530: Jody.
Mojo530: My name is WALT.
Lancesangel521: dear god
Mojo530: Now please go to whatever level of Hell you crawled out of, on some quest to annoy me.
Lancesangel521: what are you talking about?
Mojo530: <sigh> I can’t do this any longer.
Lancesangel521: Is this Jody Anerson?
Mojo530: I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON!!!
Mojo530: Stop yelling!
Lancesangel521: Andersonn
Mojo530: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Mojo530: GET OUT OF MY MIND!!!
Lancesangel521: ok you are scaring me jody
Mojo530: YOU?! I’m scaring YOU?!
Mojo530: Imagine how I feel!
Mojo530: I’m here, living some really messed-up charade, and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!1
Lancesangel521: then Y did u answer me when i first said HI JODY! HOW HAS UR SUMMER BEEN? why didnt u say this isnt jody?
Mojo530: I don’t know why I do anything anymore.
Mojo530: I mean, ever since I killed that hobo, things have just been on a constant downhill.
Mojo530: But I couldn’t help it! He kept trying to steal my keys because they were shiny!
Lancesangel521: Jody what are you talking about?
Mojo530: Oh God. I can’t believe I just told you that.
Mojo530: I haven’t TOLD anybody about that.
Mojo530: <sigh> I guess I just can’t deny you anything.
Mojo530: I’m too attracted to you.
Lancesangel521: Who ARE you?
Mojo530: Okay, time to be serious now.
Mojo530: I am someone who is NOT Jody Anderson, from Illinois.
Mojo530: I am a random person who you IMed, thinking that I was Jody, and then proceeded to annoy the HELL out of.
Lancesangel521: what?
Mojo530: Now, sure, I tried to tell you that I wasn’t Jody.
Mojo530: Multiple times, in fact.
Mojo530: But no. You just wouldn’t believe me.
Lancesangel521: but i know for a FACT that this IS jody anderson’s Screen Name
Mojo530: So, I had to resort to strange fables of confused sexuality and hobo-cide.
Mojo530: Well, then, I suppose that the moral of this story, kiddo, is to check your FACTS, which you know so well.
Mojo530: And don’t play with Koosh balls. They melt your brains.
Mojo530: kay?
Mojo530: Good.
Mojo530: Bye.
Lancesangel521: i did check my FACTS, thank you very much. Jody TOLD me that this is her Sceen Name.
Mojo530: Well then maybe Jody doesn’t LIKE you, and told you the WRONG ADDRESS.
Auto response from Lancesangel521: I’ll Be Right Back.
Mojo530: You’d THINK, that if Jody was your FRIEND, you would have seen her around, to ask her what her FRIGGIN ADDRESS was.
Lancesangel521: Shut-up ass bitch.
Mojo530: Ass-bitch?
Lancesangel521: yea
Mojo530: You kiss your multiple, promiscuous boyfriends who are only in it to get some with that mouth?
Mojo530: No wonder Jody doesn’t like you.
Mojo530: I mean, you think up REALLY bad insults, for one thing.
Lancesangel521: I have only had ONE boyfriend thank you.
Mojo530: Well, sure, officially…
Mojo530: Hell, I understand that you don’t want to kiss and tell…
Mojo530: After all, you’re just saving yourself for Lance.
Lancesangel521: How old are you?
Mojo530: Old enough to get people’s screen names right.
Lancesangel521: oh wow i am hurt.
Mojo530: Really?
Mojo530: You shouldn’t be.
Mojo530: Because that wasn’t a harsh insult.
Mojo530: Unless you fell down the stairs.
Mojo530: Did you fall down the stairs?
Lancesangel521: How old are you?
Mojo530: OH MY GOD! LANCESANGEL FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!
Mojo530: GET HELP!!!
Mojo530: 911! 911! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, I NEED AN AMBULANCE!
Lancesangel521: shutup and answer the fucking question
Mojo530: I don’t recall there being a question about fucking.
Mojo530: And you should watch your mouth, you 7th grader you.
Lancesangel521: HOW OLD ARE YOU?
Lancesangel521: Who said I was a 7th grader?
Mojo530: Why do you need to know?
Lancesangel521: i dont.
Lancesangel521: I WANT to know.
Mojo530: Well, I just gathered, from the fact that you “friend” is in 7th grade.
Mojo530: y’know, that and your projected intelligence level.
Lancesangel521: excuse me?
Mojo530: What?
Mojo530: Huh?
Mojo530: What happened?
Mojo530: I don’t understand!
Lancesangel521: Look who’s talking.
Mojo530: Talking?
Mojo530: I’m not talking.
Lancesangel521: Who am I speaking to?
Mojo530: I’m typing, silly.
Mojo530: YOU’RE NOT SPEAKING.
Mojo530: Jeez, you people are difficult.
Lancesangel521: yes u are and would u stop? I can smell your breath all the way over here.
Mojo530: Ouch. Seventh graders are MEAN nowadays.
Mojo530: Anyway, listen up.
Lancesangel521: What?
Mojo530: This has been no fun whatsoever, except when I got you to believe me about really random crap. I don’t know WHY you IMed me, or WHY you won’t go away, but I shall now take the first step.
Mojo530: Have a nice life, and be sure to do me a favor and go play in traffic. The gene pool will thank you.
Mojo530: Tootles!
Lancesangel521: Don’t talk to me.
Mojo530: Not a problem.
Mojo530: See, I’m ignoring you now.
Mojo530: See?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Somewhat harsh, but undeniably hilarious. And now you each have a great story to tell other people.

Jester, you are the coolest Ass-Bitch I’ve ever had the pleasure of coming across.

Ginger

Jester,you rock!
[sub] High praise from the woman who told soomeone “Excuse me, I think my uterus just fell out. Be right back.” to escape a fundie at work. [/sub]

Jester, honey…that was hysterical!

Jester,
Have I told you recently that you remain One of my Favorite People?

I don’t know how I lived happily before knowing that exchange existed.

Whoo! That’s some good stuffers.

“Don’t talk to me” snicker

Would it be awfully bad of me to IM her saying I’m Jody? Yes, yes it would. I can be such a bitch. I won’t. Unless I get really bored.

Hey Medea, it beats what I wanted to do. I had to fight the overwhelming temptation to AIM Jester and ask for Jody just so I could be properly flamed. It was hard, but I did it. I can’t promise I won’t do it tomorrow. :wink: