Background: Little sister is 18 going on 19. Lives at home with Mother. She has a job, but it’s a temp job she’s only had for a month and could easily lose it tomorrow. Still hasn’t been able to save up enough money for a car, let alone an apartment. She had a birth control device implanted in her arm last year that was designed to last 3 years.
After dating her boyfriend for only a month, she wants boyfriend to move in with her, and for her implant to be removed so she can have a baby with him.
Sis even had the audacity to demand that mom take care of her future hypothetical grandbaby for her. Mom got into a screaming match with with little sister last night, threatening to kick her out if she follows through with her plan.
Wow. This is absolutely shocking. I knew my sister was impulsive but this is some next level crazy stuff.
I’m significantly older than her, I was 17 when she was born. We were not raised together. We are half-siblings. I’m living under the same roof with her now because of the all the craziness of the pandemic, and I hope to move out soon. Uncle Blalron will not be an unpaid babysitter.
I’d say there’s a certain level of respect between us, but mostly that’s due to us staying out of each other’s way. If I stepped outside my role of Big Brother into the role of Lecturing Parent, I doubt it would go over very well.
The fact of the matter is, this is not my problem. It won’t be my problem. I plan on moving out within the next year.
I feel like so much suffering could be avoided if more people recognized this.
The whole screaming match thing does not bode well for the relationship after baby comes. I was 37 when I had my baby, and I was like, “holy shit I cannot imagine doing this at nineteen” (my mom’s age.)
I think you’re right. Mom has been letting my siblings get away with too much stuff their whole lives. Not sure if that dynamic is going to change. If push comes to shove, and sister enganges in deliberate babymaking, I don’t think my mom has the balls to actual carry out her eviction threat.
Other folks have throughly and IMO wisely addressed Lil Sis’s part in this impending drama. I’d like to talk about BF’s part, and particularly this snip:
Assuming all this is the BF’s idea, the BF is so far doing exactly the standard thing that an abusive psycho prisoner-taking man does. The kind who’s going to end up beating this woman mentally and perhaps physically first into total submission and then perhaps into totally dead.
There’s no assurance that’s his goal. He may just be a lazy clueless goof who wants free sex and a free place to sleep and is passively allowing himself to be herded into this by the impulsive driven Sis.
OTOH … If he’s the one pushing for the instant baby, that greatly increases the odds he’s looking for a prisoner, not a GF.
I wonder if the OP has any insight into the character or desires of BF he can share?
As @Spice_Weasel wisely implies, this is totally setting up to be a shit-show regardless of the specifics. Ideally you, @Blalron, have the emotional fortitude to GTFO early and shake your head as you walk away writing off all the participants. Which will, sadly, almost certainly include your Mom.
There are certain parts of our American society, where it is not uncommon for baby-daddy, to have a string of unmarried baby-mommas that collect welfare benefits from the tax-payers, and baby-daddy get’s his share from each one of them. Kind of like a baby pyramid scheme.
I have absolutely no idea what the boyfriends view is of this plan. He seemed like a decent enough guy from my limited interactions with him, and I wasn’t getting abusive scumbag vibes from him. Of course, I could be mistaken about that.
We certainly hear such stories. And doubtless some are true at the core, no matter how many times retold and embellished.
The part I wonder about is how baby-daddy gets a cut. AFAIK he has no legal claim to a cut. To be sure he could threaten violence and / or emotional blackmail if not paid off by momma. But if he’s got a whole string of mommas & kids out there, there’s not so much time and attention to go around such that withholding it from any one momma would be noticeable to her.
Agreed the OP is silent on this. But if the OP author wasn’t aware of the MO, he might not have thought that detail relevant enough to include. Hence my question.
Good to hear from @Blalron that this doesn’t seem like the biggest snake in this particular viper pit. It’s bad enough Sis seems hell-bent on trashing her own life. It’d be worse were it somebody else intent on trashing her life.
This is how most members of the fundamentalist sect of the Church of Latter Day Saints get by. Head to Colorado City, AZ and you’ll see plenty of examples. They don’t have to threaten their baby mommas, it’s ingrained in their culture. There are also places in the gang sub cultures on many of our highly depressed segments of our large metropolitan cities where this behavior is also common. Again, the culture is set up so that the baby mommas don’t even think about raising concern with governmental officials.
To my knowledge, my sister does not belong to a religious cult like the FLDS. This is what I think is happening: Her previous two boyfriends did already have children (with other girls), and after dating my sister for a few weeks broke up with my sister and returned to their baby mamas. This could possibly be factoring into her urge to procreate. Lock the boyfriend in so she can be in a long term relationship with him.
I hesitated to reply to this thread, because while I have concerns, I am entirely in @Blalron 's camp: there is no good result here for him, no matter what side he takes. But the two lines I quoted just . . . make me worry, much like @LSLGuy. No judgement on her enjoying her sexuality, that’s her choice and she’s an adult, but to go from a 3 year implant to ready to baby-making in a month? It smells off. And the equally immediate demand for mother (future grandmother) to raise the child for her? That also smells.
I have an friend, now somewhat estranged, that a few years ago decided all of a sudden they wanted to have a child, and pressured their partner into a brief marriage and accomplished her goal. To all of her friends, the said partner was a fun guy, but we all couldn’t see him staying - he wasn’t a user, but his public persona was all about being free. I think at some level she knew this, and the desired result was the child, someone whom she would have unconditional love from and if it kept the partner as well, well that was 2 birds, one stone.
I share this because, again, the desire to have the child immediately, but not be involved with raising the child just sends up flags for me. At best, it feels like the child is a way for Blalron’s sister to have unconditional love, lock in the partner, and then make mother do the actual hard part of the child raising. Which seems to match the over-indulged pattern Blalron describes, which . . . well, again, yeah, get out while the getting is good.
ETA - while I was typing this beast, Blalron came back and less than 2 minutes ago indicates that his concerns mirror mine.