Secretary of State: Anaamika. Pro: can relate to leaders in emerging markets, will get her way by being really sweet, will be hottest cabinet member. Con: too nice to be taken seriously when there’s a war on. We’ll probably have a lot.
Secretary of the Treasury: Measure for Measure. Can answer all the difficult economic questions I will dodge during press briefings, will support most of my policies.
Secretary of Defense: Bear Nenno. Combat veteran, so the services will take him seriously. Nice guy, so he won’t shout at me for invading the Aleutian islands (they’re critical to my plan of ending our dependence on foreign seal blubber).
Attorney General: Richard Parker. Bricker gets to be Solicitor General. I’ll have to think about my Supreme Court nominees.
Secretary of the Interior: we don’t really need one of these, do we? The National Parks Service has a budget of like $8. What else do they do? Assign mining and timber rights?
Secretary of Agriculture: I suppose this will be whoever Monsanto tells me to appoint.
Secretary of Commerce: now you’re just making things up.
Secretary of Health and Human Services: QtM. Who could better manage a transition to government run healthcare than a prison physician? Also nice, which continues a theme.
Secretary of Housing and Urban Development: I’m fairly certain the Constitution requires that I appoint a black person here or in Transportation. I don’t really know who’s qualified for the post, but MeanOldLady will bring drinks to cabinet meetings.
Secretary of Education: Qin Shi Huangdi. Young enough to have firsthand knowledge of the problems with our public education system, probably smart enough to fix most of them.
Secretary of Homeland Security: fuck you, Congress, we are not having one of these. USCIS is going back to the State Department where it belongs. I don’t care what the Homeland Security Act says. Richard Parker and Bricker, do something.
Secretary of Veterans Affairs: I don’t really understand why the VA doesn’t fall under Defense, but I’m sure someone can explain it. In the meantime, Ravenman can fix it. He’s a career civil servant so presumably he knows what’s wrong with it.
Vice President: Equipoise. Who better than the creator of the SROTD thread to squelch opposition to my policies? I will sign an executive order making myself immortal so that line-of-succession stuff is not a huge concern.
